Would this have bothered you

[leopardprintisnotaneautral]

DC is in small class under 20 kids.

Year 3.

Tonight 5 people from their class turned up trick or treating at our house. All same gender and over half of that gender that are in his class.

Two are very good friends with DC, do after school clubs together, playdates etc. only one with one of the four parents of these two (iyswim) were present, it was the Mum, she's never actually been to our house (knows full well which village we live in) the Dad does the play dates Mum has a super full on job but we have both been to their's - we get on very well as couples with both families. One doesn't live in our village. The other child used to live in our village but they have moved just outside, their parents weren't there.

Three others live our village DC is friends with one, and friendly with the other two but not very close - they are super, super sporty, DC is into sports but two very niche ones for younger junior kids and they aren't the be all and end all but not be all and end all like two of these. One can be a bit mean but they all rub along. I know two of these parents very well socially outside of the village and the kids. One can be a bit of a bitch. One is fine.

Children 1&2 I had 0 idea were friends with (in fact I am pretty sure there was friction at some point) with 3&4, parents certainly don't socialise. Poles apart.

1 and 5 friends pre dating school.

The school together with the tennis club normally put on a brilliant Halloween party but DC adamant out of leftfield wanted to go trick or treating at the last minute yesterday. Checked in with some neighbours who always go to see if we could tag along - it's not something we've done before

DH went I stayed in doling out sweets. And it really really pissed me off when these 5 turned up at the door. With 4 out 10 parents - 3 of whom know full it's our house.

Turns out the kids have all been taking about it between themselves and 'it's been arranged on the what'sapp but not the school one DC' told me. So DC knew, that's why they wanted to go out. But they've clearly been left out of this little gathering haven't they.

AIBU to think A this is shit but B it's outrageous for them to have the cheek to turn up at our house wanting sweets. One of the Mum's was even like 'oh where's Leopard's child are they in or are they trick or treating' whilst trying to crane their bloody neck into my hallway.

@leopardprintisnotaneautral interesting to read this post from your perspective as I have been fending off accusatory texts of this type all day. We planned to take my kid out ourselves, but one of his friends was looking for a buddy to go with, sp we agreed to team up. Independently, my partner happened to be chatting with another parent whom we don't know well, but similarly agreed to go out together - leading to an unexpected smapl group outing. Kids had a lovely time, telling jokes at any door with decorations. Including a classmate's house. Kids happened to ask for classmate whilst at his house, as theyd have been delighted to see them.....however kid was out enjoying their own trick or treating. Cue a barrage of angry texts from the mum! Bonkers, we would have been out alone if not for a few random interactions. And, if the parents in question had made contact, we would happily have had their child too. Some people just look for any excuse to blame other people for thoer own lack of proactivity and planning. Next time, put some effort in to organising a group and avoid the needless drama!

What a lot of drama about nothing, please don't pass your insecurities onto your child.

But weren't your children out turning up at other people's houses whilst you are apparently resenting some of their friends for turning up at yours?? There's not much logic in that.

Your post was massively too long, complex and confusing. More like a soap opera episode to be honest. You are very much overthinking this. No, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.

Maybe a good time to have the 'everyone doesn't get invited to everything' talk.

@leopardprintisnotaneautral didn’t you say some parents were asking if your DC was in? That sounds more like DC was trying to avoid the group and the other parents were wondering what was going on.

You sound weird

Jeeez why are some mums like this

You need to toughen up, you will realise that you can’t invite every child everywhere because it all becomes too much. If you are really bothered then become someone who organises things yourself. They probably got to 5 kids and thought that was a big enough group. You are overthinking but you need to be proactive if it bothers you.

You have a right to be annoyed & upset. You and your child know these children/parents well, so where was your invite?? If one parent is a bitch (as you said) stay away, and looking in your hallway 🙄 some people are so sad.

I do understand it’s upsetting when your kid is left out, but it’s coming across that you think this has been done vindictively, or to personally upset you/your son? I doubt heavily that’s the case.

I think you need to put it to the back of your mind, or your worried might rub off on your son and he needs to learn that not all friends do everything together all of the time. Friends can have other friends, you can be friends with someone for a while but not forever, friends change etc etc. If you can manage those expectations in him (and yourself, I think), then things will be a lot less stressful for you both when something like this inevitably happens again.

At least they asked if he was in!
It would have been bad if they hadn't.... Did they ask to see if he was going to go out, actually that doesn't matter.
They didn't ignore your child.

Sounds like it's all to do with you.
If your child hasn't mentioned it then it's possibly not a big deal to them as it is to you...

I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

You’re overthinking- it’s hard though I do get it.
also YABU with your username 😂

Your post is giving manic, and I really can't find anything in it that requires paragraphs of text or calling someone a bitch. The mums won't like you if this is how you overreact to things.

It was a handful of kids, some of whom live nearby and somehow know each other well enough to meet up. Are you sure this is not not more about your fomo than concern for ds? If he knew maybe he is not as close to them all enough to want to spend time together outside school. Presumably he still enjoyed himself with his dad?

Huh? No ideas what’s going on/ the problem!

There is no problem. It's a non-issue.

You're overthinking this.

My DC had a little party for Halloween. Our house is small so we can fit max 6 kids and associated adults in. I asked him for 6 people he'd like to invite.

3 accepted and 3 were away or busy.
Then one family couldn't come in the end as the mum was bumped up the waiting-list for a minor op.
So we were down to 2.
Then I bumped into the mum of an old friend of DC's who left for another school a year ago. Boys still keep in touch. We were chatting and she said they didn't have anything to do for Halloween so I invited him.
Back up to 3.
Then I ran into a friend of mine with twins the same age as my DC at the swimming-pool. Kids play together occasionally. She was stressed as busy at work and, again, hadn't organised anything for Halloween. So I invited her two.
Back up to 5.

That, plus my own two, was more than enough. Yes, we didn't invite some of DC's class but there was no grand scheme to exclude anyone except keeping my house and sanity intact.

I had, and still have, no desire to be the unpaid party coordinator for the whole of my DC's class.

I think you are overthinking.
You say not all of the 5 are his friends - who organised it? Either way I don't think its unreasonable not to be invited. If a friend mum didn't organise it they might have felt they couldn't invite others etc. Or maybe they wanted to keep it to smaller numbers.

We had a group of DS friends trick or treating near us (we crossed over near their house) and it came out they were having a party at the house afterwards. DS was a little disappointed in the moment not to have been invited out with them and to the party but it didn't cross my mind to be annoyed about it. You can't invited everyone to everything all the time.

This reminds of me of the time my DS who was in year 5 had been talking about the latest movie with his school mate and could they go to 6.30 showing that night. They asked us mums at pickup and we said yes. Arranged to drop off and pick up separately (we didn’t live close by) but leave the boys to watch the film together. Fine. Simple.

By the time I’d made the 10 min journey home my phone was blowing up with around 5 other mums all angry and defensive about why I was leaving their kids out and why hadn’t their Alex been invited etc etc.

Nothing could’ve been further from the truth. I replied that nobody had been left out and if they wanted to drop their boys at 6.30 they'd be welcome too. Oh God wish I hadn’t bothered. Then it was doubling up the lifts, are you giving them money for snacks, are you sure this film’s suitable etc etc. 🙄

Op - sometimes kids arrange stuff between themselves and maybe your DS was reticent to commit as he hadn’t been TorT before. And perhaps was unsure of your reaction if he’d agreed to go with the other lads, and in his own 8 year old brain tried to mitigate things as well as saving face at school…

I’d let it go now. Just keep an eye it.