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Original poster

Only children

100 replies

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 21:44

Are there any positives? I’m struggling with the fact we will only ever have our son. He’s four and I hate that he’s not having the experiences I had with my sister growing up. What can I do to make his life full? Will he grow up and feel lonely? I can’t stop thinking about it all

OP posts:
Lesina · 31/10/2025 21:47

My daughter was an only child. She had a fab childhood, loads of clubs and made life long friends. She also benefited from the fact we didn’t have to split our disposable income across numerous children. She did everything she wanted to do, had amazing holidays, every hobby she wanted. Only children have fab lives :)

Original poster
Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 21:48

Lesina · 31/10/2025 21:47

My daughter was an only child. She had a fab childhood, loads of clubs and made life long friends. She also benefited from the fact we didn’t have to split our disposable income across numerous children. She did everything she wanted to do, had amazing holidays, every hobby she wanted. Only children have fab lives :)

@Lesina thanks! I really want to focus on this x

OP posts:
Cartot · 31/10/2025 21:51

There are pros and cons of both - we have one DD and won’t be having any more.

She gets more of our time and attention. We have more disposable income, to spend on her and generally. We could, if we wanted, afford to send her to private school. We can pay for activities and experiences that we’d otherwise struggle to do. One child is FAR easier to manage than two or more.

We wanted two and our second pregnancy didn’t work out. I’ll be sad forever about that but it was completely out of my control, DD is healthy and happy, and I don’t see much point in dwelling on things I can do nothing about.

Gowlett · 31/10/2025 21:53

I have one child, and I don’t feel like this. I don’t know how he feels, though… He’s been talking about having a baby brother, for a while now. And always tells strangers that we have a baby at home! This is since starting school.

I do feel sad for him, when he’s crying for his friends. He’s very sociable, not a bit shy! He’s popular but is very demanding of his friends. Which might be more a problem when he’s older. It’s fine now, but he’s only 5, we’ll see…

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/10/2025 21:53

I have absolutely nothing in common with my 3 years older brother and haven't seen/spoken to him since our father's funeral 3 years ago. Before that, I only saw him if he was at our parents' house when I visited. We had no conversation even then.

I do have a nine years younger brother and we are close - but if mum hadn't accidentally fallen pregnant with him, I'd be like an only child!

What I'm saying is that not all siblings are going to have good relationships.

PevenseygirlQQ · 31/10/2025 21:54

Hey OP,

I’m not an only child, but I was until I was 10, I had a great childhood, lots of time with mum and dad and grandparents, i have lovely memories of holidays, days out etc I had my cousins and lots of friends I saw every weekend as my mum was friends with their mums. I never felt lonely or sad or that I was missing out. Don't get me wrong I am glad I have siblings now and I absolutely adore them but I never longed for them before they were here if that make sense x

Mumof1andacat · 31/10/2025 21:55

Yes lots. Odd things like you can share 1 hotel room and sit as a 3 on planes! My ds is an only and is growing in to a lovely young man. He's nearly 13. He has never been one for hobbies, but he's always had a lovely circle of friends. He has a nice best friend who is is supporting through loosing is parent at the moment. We have lots of lovely chats, we play games together on the playstation, and we enjoy a good day out as a family.

Splendidbouquet · 31/10/2025 21:58

My son positively enjoyed being an only child.
His friends all had siblings and their siblings seemed to be quite annoying to them and he was he was glad he didn't have that problem.
He wasn't lonely and was never bored.

I had siblings and ended up going no contact with them.

I really think you are worrying unnecessarily

AliTheMinx · 31/10/2025 21:58

My dad is an only child, so am.I, and so is my son. I love being an only child and so does my son. My parents were able to send me to a good school, which I am forever thankful for - and we have been able to do the same for our son. He is not spoilt, but we have built a good life for him. He is well-adjusted, sociable and has a great group of friends. Many of his friends are only children too. As he is the only grandchild on my side, my parents have ensured that he will be well provided for. I think there are so many advantages to being an only child.

WimpoleHat · 31/10/2025 21:59

I’m an only child. I didn’t mind it much as a child (didn’t know anything else) and don’t like it much as an adult (limited family network and difficult elderly parents). But of course there are positives: your child benefits from all your attention and time and resources. And that can be very significant! There’s also no guarantee - at all - that siblings get on well. I consider myself really lucky that my two kids are great friends; my DH is one of three and would absolutely have preferred to be an only child. So all you can do (as all any of us can) is focus on the positives of your situation and try to mitigate the downsides (play dates etc when kids are younger, ensuring you sort yourself out in terms of finances and care needs when you get older). There is no “perfect” family set up and all any of us can do is our best. Please try not to worry about yours.

purpleme12 · 31/10/2025 22:02

Of course there's positives!!

Obviously there's pros and cons to both like someone said up thread.

But to name a few positives...

No danger of one child feeling disfavoured or the black sheep (whether intentionally or unintentionally).

You can give all your attention to that child, no need to worry about sharing it out

More money available to do things and go places with that one child.

There's no guarantee that they'd get on with their brother or sister anyway...

To me that's quite enough positives anyway

Jamesblonde2 · 31/10/2025 22:08

It’s fab.
Far easier financially, they can have everything they need and want.
Loads of time for clubs and easier transporting only one.
Lots and lots of time for them emotionally.
Peaceful household, important for homework and studying.
Lots of friends at school and clubs.
Grandparents more likely to care for/babysit.
Very easy for holidays, extra bed in the room.
2 Mr Kipling cakes each.
It’s just perfect.

starballoons · 31/10/2025 22:11

As someone with two children, I was a far better parent when I only had one to concentrate on. I wouldn’t change my second child obviously but I had far more time and energy (and money!) when I only had one child.

Snakemum2 · 31/10/2025 22:12

My 16 yr old DD is an only child. Also was the first grand and great grandchild 😉

I have been able to balence a demanding career and still be able to spend all of my free time with her. She has never wanted for anything and is a happy, sociable, kind, generous, amazing girl. Always has been. She never asked for siblings and now she says she is glad she is an only. Her best friend is one of 5 girls and she has always loved being round her house! But loves the quiet and peace of her life lol.

neleh87 · 31/10/2025 22:15

I'm an only child. Went through a brief stage age about 9 of wanting a brother but that's because my cousin had one.

Loved having privacy in my teens.

Always had plenty of friends but very comfortable in my own company.

Pleasant, tension-free relationship with my parents.

I look at other people's stressful relationships with their siblings and feel relieved.

Tryingatleast · 31/10/2025 22:18

My kids all get on well but miss out on a lot of things we can’t afford to do regularly, we can only do hobbies and extras if they really want to, cinema trips or restaurant trips are insanely expensive. They’re not sociable as they have each other, my time with them is stretched. Your child will have a busy fulfilled life with one on one time x Also don’t doubt they won’t have plenty of friends or that they can’t get what they need from other relatives etc

Brutallytired · 31/10/2025 22:20

My son is an only and was convinced he wanted a sibling for years. But now he is 10 he is so relieved to be an only, as from his experience of playing with friends, “little brothers/sisters are SO annoying!”

I personally would have loved a sibling for him but circumstances didn’t allow. He is still very content and we make sure he has lots of socialising opportunities.
Also, not for everyone, but getting a dog was the final piece in the jigsaw - he has a playmate, but one that, in the end, is slightly further down the pecking order than him (in theory😂) so no jealousy there, just companionship and a sense of responsibility, he’s never mentioned wanting a sibling since getting her a couple of years ago.

QuickPeachPoet · 31/10/2025 22:22

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/10/2025 21:53

I have absolutely nothing in common with my 3 years older brother and haven't seen/spoken to him since our father's funeral 3 years ago. Before that, I only saw him if he was at our parents' house when I visited. We had no conversation even then.

I do have a nine years younger brother and we are close - but if mum hadn't accidentally fallen pregnant with him, I'd be like an only child!

What I'm saying is that not all siblings are going to have good relationships.

My mum is in this position and when my beloved gran died it was awful.

Both myself and DH are only children and we didn't suffer anywhere near the amount of heartache others have the they get so terribly let down. In fact, we had great childhoods.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 31/10/2025 22:23

We have an only child. It’s great!
The three of us have amazing adventures which we can only really afford because we have one child.

Runssometimes · 31/10/2025 22:29

I have any only and he’s happy with that as are we. He’s almost 14 he’s far more outgoing than lots of his peers and great at making friends but also happy to amuse himself. We can give him more time and attention and spend more on his hobbies and education than we could if we had more. We never actually wanted a second once we had him but never set out thinking we’d stop at one so for us it was a deliberate decision. It’s far more common now. He has always said he doesn’t want a sibling,

We’ve been able to go on great trips and our house is very peaceful as there’s no bickering or arguing. I was one of four and we constantly bickered.

Livpool · 31/10/2025 22:31

My son is an only child - we had secondary infertility. I don’t feel bad for him at all - he is super confident and makes friends easily.

RuthW · 31/10/2025 22:31

I’m an only. My dd (adult) is an only. It’s the best thing ever being an only. Why would you worry about it?

Studyunder · 31/10/2025 22:48

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 21:48

@Lesina thanks! I really want to focus on this x

Show quote history

I’m right there with you (and then some). It can’t be changed, the grass is always greener, first world problems- all these apply. NOTHING with distract from the guilt/regret/whatever emotions you feel regarding this. However, there are so so many horrific problems you and/or your child could have; and there’s not knowing what tomorrow could bring!

I truly hope this isn’t coming across as too harsh as I’ve had a Halloween drink! I’m not going to share my reasons why, but there are so many reasons to be thankful for the one you’ve got…. In fact, let us both think of it like that from now on. It’s no longer about should of/could of/would of..

Can you imagine never having your child and all the love and life you would never have known? Would you ever wish this? - knowing what you now know since having children? Let’s both embrace and celebrate what we have. It’s so bittersweet at times, knowing there may have been more of the same given different circumstances 🤷🏼‍♀️ We’ll never know. Given the situation for so many others in this world. We’re truly blessed with what we have

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 31/10/2025 22:49

OP I’m an only. I’m in my 50s and can hand on heart say that I have never wished I had a sibling. I was honestly never lonely or felt I missed out - I had lovely friends in and out of school to hang out with, but was equally as happy hanging out with myself too.

As an adult, I’d say 90% of my friends with siblings aren’t close to them. That could just be my experience, I’m not suggesting all adults don’t get on with their brothers and sisters, but I guess what I’m saying is that having a sibling is no guarantee that they’ll be friends.

frazznh · 31/10/2025 23:00

Gently you sound quite down about the situation you find yourself in. Can you access counselling or speak to your GP about how you feel? You don’t have the family you’ve imagined but that doesn’t mean it should be this hard.

We have an only and there are countless ways in which our lives are easier than friends who have 2 or 3 kids. We are very happy and so is our only.

Looking to the future we know there may be challenges when we get old and infirm BUT we know also know siblings who are in conflict over care arrangements for elderly parents and adults who rarely or never see their siblings. You can’t predict the future but don’t imagine having a sibling or two is necessary for a good life!