"watch your lip"

[Dogmama991]

So context: I WFH all day, did 2 hours of dog walks, gym then went food shop - didn't stop all day. Partner was off work, slept til 11am, played video games all day with friends until 7.30 when dinner was about ready.

We sat down for dinner (grazing Infront of TV) and afterwards when I finished (he was still eating but a picky dinner). I picked up my.phone to text my sister back. He gave me a very obvious scowl (a well known look for me to get off my phone) and I said to him "I am texting my sister back quickly, I think that's fair and you've been chatting to friends all day". His response was to "watch my lip". I feel f*cking annoyed tbh. Like it's ok for him to do what he likes but I'm a child to be told off but maybe I am seeing it irrationally. AIBU?

I don’t think you will swiftly be going anywhere OP.
It appears he treats you awfully and you let him going by his actions before he told you off like a child.
Are you afraid of him?
Is he the boss of you and you daren’t tell him to do one?
Or is this a one off and totally out of character for him?

(have only read OPs posts)

There's a typo in your title, OP: surely you meant ex-DP?

He is not your dad, you can be on your phone as much or as little as you want. He does not get to dictate, and you feeling that you have to justify that you are replying to your sister? no.

ETA: you don't need a discussion. You don'T need to say "I'm off if you speak to me like that again". You need to get your things together and go.

"No" is a full sentence.

OP, I think that maybe you have been surprised to have received so many responses telling you to leave him, which is why you want to have a discussion about it. If this IS a comment which he's never made before, (frankly I doubt it) and he doesn't normally speak to you in this way, I might be inclined to talk to him about it, and make it crystal clear that it is unacceptable, and that if he ever speaks to you, or threatens you in ANY way in future, it will be the very last time, as you'll be leaving, or he will, with your boot up his backside. However, if he has spoken to you like this previously, and always treats you with such a lack of respect, then I would be using this weekend to arrange for somewhere else to live, as staying with someone who speaks to you like this, is likely to lead to violence and misery, so don't waste your life waiting for this to happen, see him for what he is, and get rid.

Well he is clearly a piece of shit, why haven't you dumped him yet?

Doing what she wanted to do? Or doing stuff that needed to be done, after she finished work? I think i can safely bet a million pounds that if op hadn't done them, they wouldn't have been done.

That's why I asked @Deadringer

OP said: He asked me what was happening with shops and dog which usually means he wants me to sort.

So I asked: What did you say when he asked you?

And OP didn't respond. I think OP is being unreasonable here because we are only get bits and pieces of a confused story. Yes, she chose to walk the dog and do the shopping. What I am trying to ascertain is why. OP doesn't expand on that.

What has that got to do with what he said? It would be different if I was asking if he was lazy, I'm not. Unsure how my story is confused? I was giving context to why I was on my phone. But if you want the why it wouldn't get done if I didn't do it

Honestly OP I find this rather chilling. I think you're living around him to a degree you haven't let yourself realise. He asks you about the dog etc and you already know he "expects you to sort" things. You look over your shoulder guiltily when you pick up your phone as your phone use in general is something he doesn't like. And "Watch your lip" as a casual joke has such a dark threat behind it, but is so plausibly deniable. It makes the hairs on my neck stand up.

There is something about the way you are so matter of fact about jumping to his commands, that makes me feel you are down the rabbit hole of coercive control without knowing.

Please keep talking to us here, tell us about other aspects of your life, let us know if you are walking on eggshells all the time, as that's what it looks like. Lots of women have started the process of reflection here on MN and in AIBU, and it's a friendly place really, even if outspoken.

And if you're not in that situation - all good! That is great, you'll be able to reassure us and yourself, and know that his behaviour today was a one off.

He definitely does sound scary. This is one case where I most definitely, certainly would LTB. He has no respect for you, and he thinks he is your owner.

That is a threat.

So, what did he say then? You are being evasive.

A couple of questions.... 🤔

What the actual FUCK did I just read? I would have snapped back.. "who the fuck do you think you're talking to like that, not in this house mate!"

Who the FUCK voted that YABU? 🤦‍♀️

I would stop wiping his arse and have a good long think about your options. 😠 😡 😤
Seriously, it starts off this way and they either back track like it's a joke, or they get offended (like you're somehow criticising them for holding their actions accountable) and get pissy that you have made a big deal out of it etc.

Basically he's behaving like a fucking shitty wank stain. 🤢
Edited to say, that personally I would get rid 💯

You KNOW you’re not being unreasonable so what do you want people to say?

WTF is going on with the stories of such appalling disfunctional relationships.

This is someone telling you what they think of you and how they think you deserve to be treated. Listen.

It’s an awful phrase- like ‘get back in your box’ or something-

I’d have told him to fuck off for reprimanding me for using my phone and I’d have told him to fuck off he’s a cheeky twat for telling me to watch my lip. Probably why I’m single 😂

He is gaslighting.

A man who can't walk his own dog is not worth the time of day. You know it OP.

That’s a threat.

He is telling you that not only does he expect you to work and then skivvy for him while he lounges about, he also expects you cut contact with loved ones and will threaten you if you don’t do what he says.

Watch your lip - or else what?

I couldn’t live like this.

I dread to think what it would be like to bring up children in a house with a permanent air of menace.

“Watch your lip” was something my mum would say to me as a child back in the 70s and early 80s. It meant “You are talking out of turn and if you carry on, I will have to stop you myself”. Which usually meant a slap across the back of the legs or hand. A phrase used to chastise and threaten. It was a very common phrase in my South London upbringing.

But the question is @Dogmama991,
what are you going to do? Because no man should be chastising and threatening you.

LTB

Would you, for example, stay friends with someone who told you to "watch your lip"? There you go.

Watch your lip is 100% threatening language.

That is a threat.
Not normal.

He is low life scum and you desperately need to figure out why you are living with a controlling threatening man.

Ffs don't inflict him on children.

Have you family that you can stay with?
Look at planning on moving out.

He has shown you who he is, believe him.

^ This!

How fucking dare he?! Speaking to you like you're a 9yo child from the 1960s! That would be a hard line for me.