Would you go to Canada for a week during child's GCSE exams?

[Dramatic]

DH's friend lives in Canada. He is getting married next June and has invited me and DH. We have 4 kids, ages will be 19, 16, 14 and 6.

I don't know this friend well at all, met him once at a party and barely said two words to him so I'm not too fussed if I miss the wedding but I would love to go to Canada.

My 16yo would be in the middle of her GCSEs and so I'd told DH I don't think I can leave her during such a stressful time, our youngest DD has also never been left for more than one night.

He says they'll be fine and I should go, they'd be looked after by grandparents and eldest DD. We don't usually have the opportunity for long haul holidays. Would you go?

Why don’t you all go for a trip after her exams finish as a celebration

WTF?! Of course not!

How can you even entertain going away during such an important time in your child’s life?!

I'm a massive fan of travel, and often suffer from what the Germans call 'Fernweh' (longing for distant places), however I would definitely not be going away during my child's GCSE exams.

I definitely would not go. I think it would be a very selfish decision to do so - GCSEs are stressful for everyone because they are so full on with often more than one on a day. My son didn't say he was stressed but he was extremely grumpy and I know that was a sign of stress for him.
Children need to know they are supported during that time, to make them nice food and to help them revise if they ask for it.

No way. DD was so stressed during her GCSEs. I made sure I was around as much as possible to do whatever I could to support her: making sure she was eating, doing last minute flash card revision with her, being there to ask how it went afterwards.

@Dramatic ah ok, that does put a different slant on it. I still wouldn’t go and hopefully hindsight would show that I could have gone and it would have been fine rather than going and hindsight showing I wasn’t there for my dc when they needed me. And I say this as someone who thinks fair play to parents going away without their dc. It’s just unfortunate timing for you.

Your husband is also being unreasonable. He should be super grateful that you are willing to hold the fort and take care of the kids while he is away at his friend's wedding - he should not be enticing you to come with him and sod the fact that one of the children is actually going through a very stressful and important exam period. Quite thoughtless and selfish of him, both as a husband and as a father.

No, GCSEs are for parents to support. It can be one of the hardest times to parent, it's not the time for a week off.

I might have interpreted what you are asking, in asking 'AIBU' differently from some - just looking at the comments.

I said YANBU. Meaning YANBU to say no. I seem to be in the minority on the poll, but not in the comments, so am wondering if people have different interpretation ?

Anyway. There is no way I'd go.
I would also love to go to Canada, but it is a vast country, there is no way you could do it justice in a week, even if you didn't have the wedding to attend as part of that. I wouldn't travel all that way for such a short time, I'd save my money and us it to go when I could stay longer. So I wouldn't go regardless of the GCSEs, but obviously wouldn't in your circumstances.

Yes, easy for him.

Easy to be laid back when it is someone else's problem. Disappointing lack of empathy for your dc and smacks of selfishness for himself.

No, my DD did her GCSEs last year and my DS is doing them next year. No way would I leave them.

I think sometimes our tens just need to know we are there if they do need us, even if they appear to not need us. Its our presence that makes them OK.

Definitely No! It would send a message to your DD that you don’t care about her exams as much as you care about having a holiday. Also, it’s completely unnecessary. You don’t need a wedding to go to Canada. Go in the future when you can take your DC too.

No, but DH would have asked if it was ok that he go on his own, not assumed that we’d both go.

Both of mine were fine with GCSEs, but even if I had been able to see into the future I would still not have left them. DH can go on his own.

If you do go and it's just for a week I hope the wedding is in a major city like Toronto or Vancouver. Otherwise most of what you'll see is transport. One day to travel to Canada, and one to travel home so you're down to 5 days so if the wedding is is Le Pas or Banff or Heart of Content you'll be spending another full day to get there and to get back to the major airport and you're down to 3 days, one of which is the wedding.

Not saying you shouldn't go, of course you should. Just be prepared because it's a big place!!

Depends on the child and their attitude to exams and the relationship they have with grandparents.

If your daughter has a very strong bond with her grandparents and spends a lot of time being in their care AND she's a motivated but pretty chilled out girl then I might consider it, especially if it were just for a long weekend.

Otherwise no. And especially no if you're planning to go for more than about 3 or 4 nights. Even the most chilled of kids needs things to be pretty calm and stable during exam times. Now maybe her grandparents ARE her rock solid, number 1, supporters and the people she always turns to and the people who cheer her on and pick up the pieces. But for most kids, the person/people best positioned to do that are parents.

Canada isn't going anywhere. And surely it'd be better enjoyed either when you have a bit more time and no set dates when you have to be somewhere so that you can plan your own itinerary and get the best value flights.

Agreed! I found the whole of Y11 difficult as a parent!!

I can’t believe you’d consider it to be honest. I’d have thought you’d want to be around to support them with their favourite foods, be there if they want a chat, just look after them a bit at a big time in their life.

No I don't think I would. Mine needed a fair bit of support during those things.

It really depends on the kid. Will it become a yearly Christmas tradition of how it's your fault I failed my GCSEs because you went on holiday or not.

No, of course not.

Go another time. a time that suits you, all of you.

Can you afford for your h to go?

My brother is getting married in Italy in the middle of DS GCSE’s and I’ve told him I can’t go. I want to be there for DS in case he needs me.

No way.

And I wouldn’t go all the way to Canada and spend any of the time on anyone else, especially going to a wedding of someone you barely know.

Don’t go to the wedding but definitely plan a holiday there when it’s not your child’s GCSEs

Not a chance.

I wouldn’t, no.
if you want to visit Canada, better to try save and look for deals to take your whole family. I think if you went without your children, you wouldn’t enjoy anything of Canada beyond the wedding and you would be worried about your daughter.