Would you go to Canada for a week during child's GCSE exams?

[Dramatic]

DH's friend lives in Canada. He is getting married next June and has invited me and DH. We have 4 kids, ages will be 19, 16, 14 and 6.

I don't know this friend well at all, met him once at a party and barely said two words to him so I'm not too fussed if I miss the wedding but I would love to go to Canada.

My 16yo would be in the middle of her GCSEs and so I'd told DH I don't think I can leave her during such a stressful time, our youngest DD has also never been left for more than one night.

He says they'll be fine and I should go, they'd be looked after by grandparents and eldest DD. We don't usually have the opportunity for long haul holidays. Would you go?

Absolutely not
No
No way

When DD was taking her GCSEs I needed to take her into school a couple of times because the bus didn't turn up. She was stressed enough as it was.

Its difficult enough to do any retakes these days other than maths and English so I wouldn't want to make life even more difficult and stressful.

Absolutely not.

No

Because we'd only be paying for flights, accommodation is all sorted (the groom owns a few Airbnb places) we certainly couldn't afford flights and accommodation for 2-3 weeks for 6 of us.

My (divorced) parents both had separate holidays booked during my A level exams. I don't think either of them even realised or thought to check dates with the other. I was left home alone (youngest child, siblings already moved out) and pet sitting at both houses whilst also sitting my exams. Haven't ever forgotten it.

No.

I would hate for her to feel like this which was the main reason for me immediately saying no to it. She's absolutely cool as a cucumber but I still wouldn't like to leave her just in case

but surely you got all meals served at the usual times and your routine was organised. It’s not only the moral support kids need at that time and I doubt the 19 year old and grandparents can provide that structure especially as there are 2 other kids around

Yes, I would go - she will be revising, eating, sleeping, going to school and taking the exam - rinse and repeat. She will survive and probably better, rather than being mollycoddled through every exam. Have fun when you get back and exams are over.

No chance

Mum of 3DC all over 18. Absolutely not, nor A levels.

its a no from me.

Not a chance I’d go.

Have you read any of the posts from peoples whose parents did this and how it made them feel?

No way would I leave her. Such an incredibly important and stressful time for her.

No, I wouldn’t go.

No. Would be utterly selfish

No way I’d go. Unless it’s a very close friend of his would be unhappy with DH’s cavalier attitude about DC2’s GCSEs and his plan to go alone. If he does, you could be stretched to support DC2 whilst parenting two younger DC, even with some help from young adult DC1.

Between flights, jetlag/lost sleep, getting ready for/going to the wedding, you won't get much out of your time there for the cost of the flight, and you certainly won't see much of Canada. So to be honest, rather than seeing this as a cheap way to do a trip of a lifetime I'd look at it as an expensive way to feel worried about your DD in a foreign country. You'd be so much better off saving the cost of the flight and going with DH/by yourself in a couple of years.

My oldest dc was cool as a cucumber but the thing about how they cope in their actual exams is you only know how they will cope once they are actually in their exams.

I can imagine for you it is just rotten timing especially given the opportunity to visit a country you really want to visit. Best result is that after exams/years to come your dc says to you that she would have been absolutely fine, worst result is that she questions why you left her for a wedding for someone you barely know and she struggled. I really hope it’s the former.

Has your h not even second guessed himself about going? Even if the result was that he still went - has he not even asked himself that simple question of is this ok?

Not a chance

No, I wouldn't.

I would consider going if it was the wedding of my dearest friend, if I could discuss it with the DC in question and they felt confident about coping without me for the sake of supporting someone who they (the child) also know and love (because obviously such a friend would have been constantly in my DC's lives too)

I definitely would not do this for someone I barely know, who I've only met a handful of times. I wouldn't expect any DC to tolerate that kind of disruption at such a critical time for the sake of someone whose connection to our family was so tenuous.

No. I’d send dh on his own.

No but he's not her biological Dad so I suppose it's maybe different in his mind. He's just a very laid back person, his favourite phrase is "it'll/she'll/he'll be fine!"