To not agree to pretend to my company that I don’t know what a man or woman is?

[Grain25]

My company has held a big team meeting this afternoon to bollock us because we haven’t been following their guidance that in our notes we refer to everyone as ‘they’ and ‘them’ unless we’ve explicitly asked if they identify as a man or woman and what their pronouns are.

It is grammatically and logically ridiculous.

They want me to pretend I don’t know if a male voice with the name Michael is a man and a female voice named Susan is a woman. They want no he/she in the notes unless we confirm with the aforementioned Michael and Susan that they are indeed a man and woman, which would make me look quite mad.

They have tried to conflate it with not assuming a married Michael is married to a woman, and that Susan is married to a man. This is completely right and proper and I hope I wouldn’t assume this.

AIBU to simply not change my notes?

I don’t agree with either. I don’t agree with pronouns in emails/pronouns rounds, but I also don’t agree that gender neutral language should be used to erase being recognised as a woman. If sexism is in play it needs to be recognised and called out, not disguised/pandered to.

100% agree with this, I would think it was utterly bizarre if anyone checked I’m a woman and feel quite offended!

If you want to stay on the right side of the rules, do you have access to CoPilot or Chat GPT? Could you write as you naturally would so the notes are produced quickly and then get an AI review to make it all gender neutral each time? I like the idea of using the names though so that people keep their identity

Knowing a man is a man and a woman is a woman isn’t a campaign stand point. It’s bog standard sense that toddlers understand.

Refusing to acknowledge that some people may chose to be known by something that doesn’t reflect your assumptions about their genitalia however, is.

Good luck with your disciplinary when it comes.

I suspect the days of companies being able to discipline people for writing grammatically correct language reflecting biological reality are, thankfully, over.

God, I do hope so.....

Here we go again. This nonsense never ends does it?
I'll never understand how/why anyone ever went along with it in the first place....

Good luck with the Employment Tribunal for the employer if they go down that route.

What has anyone's genitalia got to do with it?

Why are you obsessed with everyone's genitals?

Indeed. It tends to go with the territory: people who know they have very unusual preferences/circumstances will usually be forthright in letting you know.

Considering that, in a great many circumstances, disabled people with actual needs for special facilities or adjustments to enable access for them are expected to make it known to employers, service providers and others; I don't see why people who have a preference for people talking about them to others in the third person to use non-obvious pronouns wouldn't also be reasonably expected to make this clear.

This is the hierarchy again, isn't it? Nobody cares about women with women's names who look and sound very much like women being offended about being asked if they are women; just as long as no trans or non-binary identifying person could ever possibly be similarly offended.

Wait, so you have to be a they/them even if they’re not your pronouns? That’s insulting and inaccurate.

Surely if you want to be known by something that doesn’t reflect assumptions then you just declare what you want to be known as? I’m a woman - I am not a they/them and I don’t want to be known as one. I’m not a man and I’m not trans/non binary.

What about the small minority of people who identify as furries and don't wish to be treated or regarded as humans at all? Isn't it insulting that their preferences are ignored and that everybody is too bigoted to even recognise the possibility of their circumstances?

A way to avoid this bigotry might be to have dedicated rooms in the workplace with litter trays in them - and signs directing there so that all visitors who need to heed the call of nature can use them as a default.

Naturally, it would be inclusive to also have 'standard' human toilets available too, but only if people specifically ask for them; or I suppose staff could ask clients and visitors when they first arrive whether they would be wanting to use the litter trays, ladies' or gents'. Either way, it would be horrifically bigoted to make an assumption that somebody might not want to use a litter tray, until they have clearly specified that they don't.

Yes, I realise that I'm being utterly absurd; but I wasn't the one who started it.

‘Assumptions about genitals’

I do think anyone who has reached an age where they can type on a screen but has not noticed that male and female bodies are different throughout with significant physical consequences, but still uses this phrase, needs to grow up.

How do you hold down a job if you're a furry?
Must be quite difficult .....