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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Health visitor kissed my baby

120 replies

Bobarino · 31/10/2025 13:56

The health visitor came earlier this morning to weigh my 7 week old baby (first baby). As she was passing the baby back to me after weighing him, she kissed him really quickly on his stomach. I didn’t say anything as I was so taken aback - she did it really quickly - but this made me really uncomfortable, we have asked people not to kiss the baby due to illness risk. I also thought she kissed him back of his head when she came earlier in the week but I was overtired and upset at the time so thought I hallucinated it, but my husband was home this time and saw it too. AIBU to feel like this was really inappropriate?

Also, I can’t stop thinking about it and am really worried about it, is there anything I can do to stop him getting ill (or to calm myself down!)

OP posts:
Lilyowl · 31/10/2025 17:07

I wouldn't be worried about the germs if it was me but I would be very weirded out by them kissing my baby. They're a random stranger. I think it's completely inappropriate. But I wouldn't have complained, I can't be arsed.

WhatAKnob47 · 31/10/2025 17:11

I would complain. That is incredibly unprofessional.

Morningsleepin · 31/10/2025 17:18

Has anyone ever got sick from a kiss on the stomach?

kimonok · 31/10/2025 17:23

Was he clothed when she did this? I think it would bother me more if it was e.g. before or after weighing him when he had his clothes off.

I think I'd still report it though, either way.

Health visitors really should know better, and if she's done it to your baby (twice), she is probably doing it to a lot of babies.

If she does have a virus this could actually cause some harm, especially at this time of year.

kimonok · 31/10/2025 17:23

Lilyowl · 31/10/2025 17:07

I wouldn't be worried about the germs if it was me but I would be very weirded out by them kissing my baby. They're a random stranger. I think it's completely inappropriate. But I wouldn't have complained, I can't be arsed.

Agreed, you wouldn't expect her to kiss you so why should she kiss your child? It is weird.

LolWhotzit · 31/10/2025 17:28

I wouldn’t like that at all. I would report it but wouldn’t phrase it as a complaint but as an FYI - I’d say that you don’t want your baby to be kissed.

Original poster
Bobarino · 31/10/2025 17:34

Thank you for your responses. I’m surprised the vote is swaying towards me being unreasonable for thinking this was inappropriate as that doesn’t really align with the majority of the comments, but there we go! That said - I was a bit surprised by it so wanted to know if it was unusual but not sure I would complain, she clearly thought he was very cute (from what she was saying) so I think it was probably a bit of overexcitement and possibly cultural differences, and also I didn’t say anything the first time so not sure it’s fair to get her into trouble as the risk is low. Obviously it’s nice she thought he was lovely (as do I!) but she is basically someone I’ve met for less than 30 minutes in total so a bit weird especially in my house!

I would just add though to all the people being a bit disparaging about me / anyone being worried about someone kissing their baby - there is a lot of messaging / horror stories you receive (especially as a new mum) about the dangers of letting people kiss your baby, so I think it’s not surprising people get a bit nervous and making them feel ridiculous isn’t really helpful. I would say this messaging is what caused me to be anxious about it - I don’t think this would have been a thing for me at all otherwise. I’m generally pretty relaxed with getting out and about and letting people that I know hold the baby, but we asked our families not to kiss him on the face until he’s a bit older (head etc okay though) as we didn’t have the easiest start health-wise as it was!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobarino · 31/10/2025 17:36

kimonok · 31/10/2025 17:23

Was he clothed when she did this? I think it would bother me more if it was e.g. before or after weighing him when he had his clothes off.

I think I'd still report it though, either way.

Health visitors really should know better, and if she's done it to your baby (twice), she is probably doing it to a lot of babies.

If she does have a virus this could actually cause some harm, especially at this time of year.

Edited

No, he’s just been weighed / measured so not clothed

OP posts:
girljulian · 31/10/2025 17:42

Good grief…it’s not OP’s fault given some of the messaging being given out, but honestly it’s so bizarre. People want to kiss babies, it’s what has kept us alive as a species for so long.

WhatAKnob47 · 31/10/2025 17:45

She's a stranger. She isn't family and she isn't a friend. She's a random, that kissed your baby. It's totally unacceptable and unprofessional. I'd be furious and I would complain. You can't go round kissing other people's babies. To be honest I wouldn't kiss family or friends babies.

PrincessFluffyPants · 31/10/2025 17:46

I remember years ago (my eldest is now 30!) the health visitor would look like she was cuddling our babies onto her shoulder as she picked them up but she was actually holding them close enough to her face to see if they smelt clean.

WhosAfraidOfVirginalWolves · 31/10/2025 17:56

I'm pretty sure HV kissed my children (who are still young, so not exactly back in the days of yore) but it's not something I'd have thought twice about until this thread- near enough everyone who interacted with them kissed them!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 31/10/2025 18:01

Jesus no wonder the world is the way it is. WOMAN KISSES BABY, call the police!!! It's a natural thing and probably was impulsive because she loves babies which makes her good at her job. Yes it's a little unprofessional but i cannot imagine in a million years worrying about something so trivial. OP you are unbelievably naive if you think this counts as an issue or problem as a parent. Wait til life throws some serious shit in your way (spoiler: it will) and you will look back and see that you are being silly

nocoolnamesleft · 31/10/2025 18:02

He’s not going to get ill from it, but it feels unprofessional.

ElizabethsTailor · 31/10/2025 18:05

Bobarino · 31/10/2025 17:34

Thank you for your responses. I’m surprised the vote is swaying towards me being unreasonable for thinking this was inappropriate as that doesn’t really align with the majority of the comments, but there we go! That said - I was a bit surprised by it so wanted to know if it was unusual but not sure I would complain, she clearly thought he was very cute (from what she was saying) so I think it was probably a bit of overexcitement and possibly cultural differences, and also I didn’t say anything the first time so not sure it’s fair to get her into trouble as the risk is low. Obviously it’s nice she thought he was lovely (as do I!) but she is basically someone I’ve met for less than 30 minutes in total so a bit weird especially in my house!

I would just add though to all the people being a bit disparaging about me / anyone being worried about someone kissing their baby - there is a lot of messaging / horror stories you receive (especially as a new mum) about the dangers of letting people kiss your baby, so I think it’s not surprising people get a bit nervous and making them feel ridiculous isn’t really helpful. I would say this messaging is what caused me to be anxious about it - I don’t think this would have been a thing for me at all otherwise. I’m generally pretty relaxed with getting out and about and letting people that I know hold the baby, but we asked our families not to kiss him on the face until he’s a bit older (head etc okay though) as we didn’t have the easiest start health-wise as it was!

Edited

there is a lot of messaging / horror stories you receive (especially as a new mum) about the dangers of letting people kiss your baby

This is why the voting doesn’t reflect your comments. Up until just a few years ago people kissed babies. It was a normal common thing. It’s been done for tens of thousands of years. Then the lullaby trust came up with “research” to show that you shouldn’t. And particularly on MN you get burned as a witch if you dare to suggest it’s not gospel.

Personally, I think it’s a big mistake, but it will take years to course correct, and in the meantime it’s made a lot of new mothers unnecessary anxious, and deprived babies from normal human interactions.

mumoftwo99x · 31/10/2025 18:18

He’s not going to get ill from this but it is very unprofessional

Original poster
Bobarino · 31/10/2025 18:27

Dontlletmedownbruce · 31/10/2025 18:01

Jesus no wonder the world is the way it is. WOMAN KISSES BABY, call the police!!! It's a natural thing and probably was impulsive because she loves babies which makes her good at her job. Yes it's a little unprofessional but i cannot imagine in a million years worrying about something so trivial. OP you are unbelievably naive if you think this counts as an issue or problem as a parent. Wait til life throws some serious shit in your way (spoiler: it will) and you will look back and see that you are being silly

If you bothered to read my responses you would see that I do have some other “serious shit” in my life (and I’d assume that stress is probably making me more anxious than I might otherwise be?!), but thanks for the judgement. Helpful 🙄

OP posts:
Greenfinch7 · 31/10/2025 18:36

I would be delighted if my health visitor had been affectionate. I am sick of everyone doing everything according to a very proscribed set of regulations- don't think it has made people happier.

Tealpins · 31/10/2025 18:45

Greenfinch7 · 31/10/2025 18:36

I would be delighted if my health visitor had been affectionate. I am sick of everyone doing everything according to a very proscribed set of regulations- don't think it has made people happier.

They could give you a kiss, I guess?

Baby can't accept nor decline the kiss of a stranger so nah, unless it's all good with baby's mum, don't kiss the baby. It's easy.

Gentlydoesit2 · 31/10/2025 18:49

Hugely inappropriate. Make a complaint

DirtyBird · 31/10/2025 19:25

Actually I would love this. It wasn't on the face, and the fact she just couldn't help but kiss the baby belly would be fine with me. But i was never one to be overly worried about germs like that. Anywhere but the face wouldn't upset me at all.

BellyPork · 31/10/2025 19:39

FFS all you complainers... no wonder there's a shortage of health workers.

SundayGirl86 · 31/10/2025 19:46

I don’t understand why so many people think this is okay - it absolutely isn’t. It might not have been intentional or have any insidious undertone but it’s inappropriate and unprofessional to say the least. It’s not even about your anxiety (although I do hope that eases) - a HV should not be kissing other people’s babies. End of.

Lavender14 · 31/10/2025 21:50

columnatedruinsdomino · 31/10/2025 14:42

Yes, spontaneous affection. So sad it's not allowed/frowned upon these days.

Show quote history

I work with children with experience of trauma and spontaneous affection can be extremely distressing and retraumatising for them even when kindly meant. And they don't come with warnings on so you can't tell those kids from other kids. There's good reason for this and it's to keep children safer.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 31/10/2025 21:55

Any chance she was just sniffing his belly button to check for infection?