Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Birthday fall out

97 replies

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 21:48

Looking for some advise as I am very close to having a breakdown. There are alot of factors before this but I feel like tonight has been the tipping point.

Short version is that it's my partners birthday and he was very clear he wanted to go away for the week so I have booked a long weekend away which with hotel, travel costs came to £950. I made it clear for his birthday I would pay for everything so all the meals, activities etc. Just to be clear not a special birthday just thought it would be nice as I have a new job.

While here I have paid for everything so far.. every meal, drink, additional dessert etc, while i said i woukd i do feel like it has been abused slightly becuase I am paying. Then tonight after a very expensive meal sat at the table and asked me for £200 for his birthday to help him pay a bill. I was a little shocked. I had already said I would get him some trainers he saw earlier in the day for an 'actual' gift.

Move forward to now.. got back to hotel as agreed about 9pm. Asked me what we were going to do.. so I assumed a nice quiet one even thought his birthday as had a nice time out, plans for all day tomorrow and agreed to go out properly tomorrow amd Saturday night.

Erupted into a massive argument as it's his birthday and I was being boring as didnt wanted to go out. I explained that I didn't feel like it as it had been a long and expensive day. There was no need to just go back out for the sake of it when we have plans all the rest for the 4 days. He has stormed out of the hotel to go out himself.

I feel like I have paid so much money so far for nothing and that he is being ungreatful but he has put it all on me because I wouldnt make an effort.

Is it me?

OP posts:

mbosnz · 30/10/2025 21:53

I'd be feeling a bit like I wasn't being appreciated as a loving, thoughtful and giving partner, but more being perceived as an amenable ATM. And not impressed at all. He's being a rude, spoilt ungrateful brat.

Forestfire12345 · 30/10/2025 21:53

Honestly, it's patently obvious that this guy is a parasite . He's a complete user. I'd go home and pack his stuff if he lives with you. If he doesn't, then wave him goodbye.
You'll be richer and happier if you devote your love, efforts and money to yourself instead of him.

Moonnstars · 30/10/2025 21:54

How long have you been together? This all sounds very excessive for a normal birthday, do you normally spend this much on each other?
I am not sure I would want to be with someone this spoilt and entitled.

NellieElephantine · 30/10/2025 21:54

What did the ungrateful wretch do for your birthday?

Halfblindbunny · 30/10/2025 21:55

What are his good points? because so far he sounds like a complete knob.

AutumnalCrows · 30/10/2025 21:58

He asked you for £200 to pay a personal bill of his own??

jeaux90 · 30/10/2025 21:59

Sounds like he has been conditioning you for a while and this is just another test. He’s waiting for you to apologise over this evening. You know that.

You know if you apologise it will all go back to “normal” that place where everything is ok as long as you do what he wants.

Pack your bag, leave now. Don’t look back.

Sholderpad · 30/10/2025 22:00

I think you are being manipulated, sorry. Who expects someone else to pay for a week away for their birthday? Then demands more and more. Truly shocking. Don't get stuck with this one.

Izzywizzy85 · 30/10/2025 22:00

How long have you been together? Do you live together? Kids? If you do, how are the finances split ?
From your OP he sounds like a selfish, grabby, spoilt brat-just trying to build up a bigger picture?

Original poster

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 22:00

Thank you just to answer afew questions. He is thoughtful and generous when it comes to presents but its in no way what I expect or desire.
Because he has done that it then becomes an expectation I will do it back.

OP posts:

Midgetgemsplease · 30/10/2025 22:00

Im sorry he's behaved so appallingly when you've been such a thoughtful and lovely person. Back in to the sea he goes. Cut your losses. This is who he is

DoubleBoubles · 30/10/2025 22:00

Seems that you are a lovely, generous person wanting to make your partner’s birthday special and he is a spoilt baby, using you for as much as he can get!
How long have you been together and do you live together?
I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s been like this
I’d probably end the relationship and go home now

rosierosierosie · 30/10/2025 22:02

He’s a selfish prick. Please don’t buy another thing for him, he’s ruined it with his unbelievably immature attitude. Take yourself off in the morning for a day out by yourself, salvage your weekend, and treat yourself to something nice. I’m seriously pissed off on your behalf OP. WTAF.

Original poster

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 22:03

Izzywizzy85 · 30/10/2025 22:00

We have been together 4 years. I recently started a new job which is well paid so because of this he made it clear that I should pay more as I earn more. He recently got a new car and told everyone I wouldn't help him pay towards it. Despite my belief I was as I pay more into bills, all childcare and all food shopping. I just keep getting told everyone things I am in the wrong for not helping.

OP posts:

Vaxtable · 30/10/2025 22:03

Let him sulk

then I would have a conversation with him about his behaviour tomorrow, that he has a choice a pair of trainers or the £200 and that you are not spending lots of money on him for the rest of the holiday, the gift was you buying it and paying for stuff 9n his birthday, not the whole time

if he carries on I would be dumping and going home early

Laura95167 · 30/10/2025 22:03

Honestly sounds like a convo with a toddler.

I think its wild to ask you to pay his bills for his bday when youve already spoilt him rotten.

And this sulking is awful. Tbh if hes gone off huffing - id let him. Just please yourself

Viobioscore48 · 30/10/2025 22:04

Oh gosh, I had a partner like this. High expectations/ manipulation if not returned exactly to his desired level. Ditched him. He's still the same manipulative tool.

Zempy · 30/10/2025 22:06

He’s a taker. Bin him

Bobiverse · 30/10/2025 22:07

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 22:03

Show quote history

Why have you stayed with him after he revealed his true behaviour? Or if you don’t leave then why not at least behave with some self respect. Why have you paid for this trip the way you have, and handed him cash and trainers?

At what point will you tell him he is selfish fucker?

Wallywobbles · 30/10/2025 22:08

Ok this is a game. You need to stop playing it. You do what you think is right and fair with your money. He doesn’t get to decide. Personally if fuck off now. And he’d find his belongings waiting for him when he got home in 3 days time. Or at least I’d like to think I would.

Peoniesandcats · 30/10/2025 22:10

That’s terrible, he’s ruined what was supposed to be a lovely weekend. You are doing too much already. Can you deal with this behaviour for the rest of your life? I think you can do so much better and find someone that appreciates you, not just after your money!

ExtraOnions · 30/10/2025 22:11

Set your bar higher … you are worth more than than being someone’s cash machine. Find someone who treats you well, who you can build a life with. This is not the right relationship for you.

Splendidbouquet · 30/10/2025 22:13

For heaven's sake OP.

What a nasty self centred grasping greedy piece of work he is.

I can't be bothered with adults who expect people to spend spend spend on expensive birthday gifts and he is taking this to the extremes of entitlement.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with him OP? You are worth so much more .

NarwhalBuddy · 30/10/2025 22:14

OP this is a lot of money.

Can you afford it?
do you want to do it?
is money reciprocated?

financial abuse here

TalulahJP · 30/10/2025 22:16

What vaxtable said.

He's being ungrateful and unreasonable.

Unless there is a backstory I’d be talking to him and telling him he wanted a holiday Si youve done that abd planned a gift but he’s taking the piss if he thinks Youll do his monthly car repayment or whatever.

nope dump if he doesn't come to his senses.

Ive never in my life spent more than £250 in total on any boyfriend or fiancé for anything ever. so unless you’re earning £10k a month he can fuck right off.

Flip

1 2 3 4