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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday fall out

97 replies

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 21:48

Looking for some advise as I am very close to having a breakdown. There are alot of factors before this but I feel like tonight has been the tipping point.

Short version is that it's my partners birthday and he was very clear he wanted to go away for the week so I have booked a long weekend away which with hotel, travel costs came to £950. I made it clear for his birthday I would pay for everything so all the meals, activities etc. Just to be clear not a special birthday just thought it would be nice as I have a new job.

While here I have paid for everything so far.. every meal, drink, additional dessert etc, while i said i woukd i do feel like it has been abused slightly becuase I am paying. Then tonight after a very expensive meal sat at the table and asked me for £200 for his birthday to help him pay a bill. I was a little shocked. I had already said I would get him some trainers he saw earlier in the day for an 'actual' gift.

Move forward to now.. got back to hotel as agreed about 9pm. Asked me what we were going to do.. so I assumed a nice quiet one even thought his birthday as had a nice time out, plans for all day tomorrow and agreed to go out properly tomorrow amd Saturday night.

Erupted into a massive argument as it's his birthday and I was being boring as didnt wanted to go out. I explained that I didn't feel like it as it had been a long and expensive day. There was no need to just go back out for the sake of it when we have plans all the rest for the 4 days. He has stormed out of the hotel to go out himself.

I feel like I have paid so much money so far for nothing and that he is being ungreatful but he has put it all on me because I wouldnt make an effort.

Is it me?

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 30/10/2025 23:31

AutumnalCrows · 30/10/2025 21:58

He asked you for £200 to pay a personal bill of his own??

Yes this!??

How much did he spend on your birthday??

AlohaRose · 30/10/2025 23:31

Childcare? Oh no, you have children with this selfish user?

CombatBarbie · 30/10/2025 23:33

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 22:03

We have been together 4 years. I recently started a new job which is well paid so because of this he made it clear that I should pay more as I earn more. He recently got a new car and told everyone I wouldn't help him pay towards it. Despite my belief I was as I pay more into bills, all childcare and all food shopping. I just keep getting told everyone things I am in the wrong for not helping.

Show quote history

Fuck my life!!!! He saw you coming. What a bellend!! I would seriously be asking myself what I was getting from this relationship if it were me.

MissyPants · 30/10/2025 23:34

Is he 10?
Why is he being so childish about his birthday? Is there any need to celebrate a full grown adults birthday for a full week or whatever? Plus the money you have spent is completely OTT for such an occasion.
He sounds like a compete knob tbh and I couldn't deal with his school boy tantrums. Entitled and ungrateful arsehole!
Order him a birthday mocktail, if he cottons on that it's non alcoholic and asks why, say it's because children can't drink.

AngelsandAliens · 30/10/2025 23:37

If you haven’t been together long …. Then RUN ! 🚩

Jammington · 30/10/2025 23:40

In all my past relationships there has been a moment when a switch has flipped and I've thought 'Fuck this shit'.

I do believe you may have encountered this phenomenon when this prick asked you for £200 for his bills at a romantic dinner.

From your post - the bills, the car etc - It sounds like your relationship has slipped into 'Mum and entitled teenager' territory, rather than equal life partners. Not good.

Cardinalita90 · 30/10/2025 23:42

He doesn't respect you , you're a walking ATM that he expects access to. But equally, you need to give your own head a wobble spending that much money on a non-milestone birthday. You shouldn't have to buy his love or appreciation.

Scorchio84 · 30/10/2025 23:49

Peoniesandcats · 30/10/2025 22:10

That’s terrible, he’s ruined what was supposed to be a lovely weekend. You are doing too much already. Can you deal with this behaviour for the rest of your life? I think you can do so much better and find someone that appreciates you, not just after your money!

This! Id have "treated" him on his actual Birthday but the rest of the days/nights I'd expect to split it & as for the money??Hard no..I'd be reconsidering his runners now too, I'm so sorry he's ruined your expensive weekend away & I would have to rethink this relationship @Holly1212

WeeGeeBored · 30/10/2025 23:57

Halfway through reading the op I had to stop and start again just to check that op was actually referring to a partner rather than a DC. His behaviour is unbelievable. How the hell do you put up with him?

LemonTreeGrove · 31/10/2025 00:07

Okiedokie123 · 30/10/2025 22:36

It sounds like he is having a tantrum because you’ve shut your purse for today. Having had it open all day.
He’s taking you for a fool I think. I’d bin him

I agree

Franjipanl8r · 31/10/2025 00:11

Sorry he’s playing you for a complete fool and there’s nothing less attractive than a spoilt brat of a man. Dump him.

Katflapkit · 31/10/2025 00:17

Be careful OP, your update suggests he has resentment towards you. A loving and supportive partner would be proud of his wife's career advancement, not put her down in front of friends. His nit picking, point scoring as well as trying to extract every penny attitude says the resentment runs deep. Be prepared OP.

99bottlesofkombucha · 31/10/2025 00:21

You have children together??? Ask about canceling the booking and going home, if you can get a refund I would. I cannot believe he asked for £200 on top of the sneakers on top of the whole holiday. You need to go nuclear and tell him you won’t be paying towards any thing for him for a long time and not till he pulls his weight. I bet you pay a lot more than is fair for the regular costs.

FaceDownInAPuddle · 31/10/2025 00:23

Dump him....preferably from a huge height.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 31/10/2025 00:35

So many red flags

He's a grabby fucker

LemonTreeGrove · 31/10/2025 00:47

Despite my belief I was as I pay more into bills, all childcare and all food shopping. I just keep getting told everyone things I am in the wrong for not helping.
I doubt everyone thinks you should pay more. He's probably lying to bully you. Unfortunately I think it's worked as you've spent all this money to try and prove to him you will spend on him.

Calendulaaria · 31/10/2025 01:05

I hope you've got a separate bank account to start putting money away for your escape when you're ready.

Francestein · 31/10/2025 01:26

He is entitled and sounds like he is shit with finances. I think you need to seriously protect yourself. Break down what you have spent on his birthday so far and how he is pushing your limits. Telling you that you are boring because he isn’t getting his way is manipulative and abusive. The fact that he is crying about you not paying towards his car would have me breaking down all the finances further and sending copies to everyone he has complained to and letting them know that his entitlement and manchild behaviour has to stop. He is a father and needs to grow the fuck up.

WhichTeam · 31/10/2025 01:41

Holly1212 · 30/10/2025 22:03

We have been together 4 years. I recently started a new job which is well paid so because of this he made it clear that I should pay more as I earn more. He recently got a new car and told everyone I wouldn't help him pay towards it. Despite my belief I was as I pay more into bills, all childcare and all food shopping. I just keep getting told everyone things I am in the wrong for not helping.

Show quote history

You are not in the wrong.

And if he can't afford a new car, he shouldn't buy one.

XWKD · 31/10/2025 01:59

I would return home and stop contact.

Seninku · 31/10/2025 02:07

Main di jo777 paling terpercaya

Whippetwonder · 31/10/2025 04:38

Your his cash machine
He sounds utterly dreadful and entitled
He's going to bleed you dry and then claim your are not contributing 50%..
I would leave such a man

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 31/10/2025 05:50

You sound very generous and tolerant. You have done so much for him. He sounds like Kevin from Harry Enfield’s show. I took my husband away last weekend for his birthday. My treat. I paid for the accommodation but then he insisted he pay for all the dinners. He was grateful I booked it but he is kind and generous and a pleasure to be around. I think you are not being appreciated and that is not a good basis for a relationship. I hope this is unusual behaviour on his part. If not, I’d be reconsidering things. Take care.x

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/10/2025 05:51

So he knows you’re earning more now and has clearly decided he should be getting a slice of it! You need to have a serious conversation about your sharing finances more equitably and if he doesn’t like it, get rid of him. Also the telling everyone you’re mean etc stops NOW. firstly it’s bullying, secondly it’s none of their business, thirdly dishonest.

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2025 05:58

He doesn't seem to like you or appreciate you very much. He sounds rude and entitled.

Its not you op, but don't stay with someone like this

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