Would you expect a thank you

[knowingmekniwingyou]

Emergency at nursery so we had to collect children. I messaged my friend asking if she needed help to collect her kid as I could take them home on the bus.

Didn't bother to respond to the message for an hour. And it wasn't "oh thanks for offering" it was just stating she was busy getting work sorted.

Aibu In thinking she could have acknowledged me offering to help her. She goes on about the village and this is the second time I've offered. Other time when she was trying to get someone to look after little one after she had IVF. She didn't even ackoledge me.

Ok you may think she doesn't want me to, which is fair enough, but just say "oh thanks I'll bare that in mind".

I'm very hormonal today

Btw we are both lone parents

Yes I think to not thank you for offering is rude.
The fact she obviously has no appreciation of your thoughtfulness would definitely deter me from bothering to offer help in the future.

She's autistic so I don't know if I'm being too harsh. She told me she was....not sure if she's been diagnosed etc. it's not apparent if you meet her

Yes a “thanks so much for offering but we’re ok” would be expected, I wouldn’t offer again

Yeah happened twice

A thank you would've been lovely and autism doesn't excuse that.

I'm being unreasonable accordiing to the voting

I'm Autistic and I always acknowledge offers of help with thanks, so her neurotype has nothing to do with it.

There will be people who are like your friend or who think thoughtfulness is an imposition, so think YABU.

Dd is ASC struggles with thank you, hello, and a few other things. It’s more common than people think as it’s the pressure some people feel with the expectation of certain words.

What's asc

Autistic spectrum condition.

Oh right sorry. I should have googled. I thought it was asd

Either are used, some prefer one over the other. I think ASC is the most recent term used.

So you made an unsolicited offer to collect her DC because you were already collecting yours? And she didn’t need you to. I’m not sure why she’d be thanking you for offering help she didn’t ask for or need.

This. ^ YABU @knowingmekniwingyou and overthinking this massively. The woman was probably having a busy day, trying to sort Halloween for the kids or something. Give her a break. You sound very intense and needy!

This is why I voted YABU.

I am ASD and yeah often forget social niceties. I really am grateful! Just often when busy revert to factual, ie: ‘i am at work now’. Don’t be cross x

Because social convention, means a polite acknowledgment and decline are generally accepted as good manners.
being autistic is absolutely relevant to this because part of autism is not understanding social conventions. My dd is autistic and wouldn’t understand why she would need to send a message of ‘no, but thank you for offering’. She wouldn’t see it as being rude to either not acknowledge or politely decline. She really struggles with social skills, again huge part of autism. In her world language is simply a tool, the more practical and less ‘flowery’ (or decorated might be a better analogy) the better.

Oh wow.

That's a little strong.

We all had to emergency collect our children. I was helpful. She isn't just a random person, she's someone who is part of a single parent group I'm in and also talks about building a village. Spoken about childcare issues etc.

So I don't think it's unreasonable to say "hey I can help you for this emergency pick up" and just say '"thanks but I'm ok".

Because I won't be offering to help again.

Yes maybe it's that.

She was saying how she got offers of help from other parents when she had an operation (frequently has them) so not sure why I have been blanked twice.

Anyway I'm a bit stressed today and won't offer again.

Because it's nice to have people thinking about you and considering your needs, unprompted.

But yeah, that's a horrible "unsolicited offer", how dare OP suggesting such an intrusive thing.

No wonder so many people complain they have no friends.

Sorry I'm not sure how I'm being needy. It was an emergency pick up, I messaged her to let her know I could help if she needed. If she was too busy to respond straight away that's fine, but she's been sending me messages about other stuff so it's not like she's not online and not had the chance

Staggered by the voting results. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
I'd be beyond grateful if someone offered to collect my children

I’d always be grateful if a friend thought of me in an emergency! If my child is invited to a friends to play i always say yes please that’s great or no thank you for whatever reason despite it begin an unsolicited invite!! It’s common courtesy to be polite. I wouldn’t offer again. In my opinion it was very kind of you to offer and especially having to navigate the bus with nursery aged children!