Would you expect a thank you

[knowingmekniwingyou]

Emergency at nursery so we had to collect children. I messaged my friend asking if she needed help to collect her kid as I could take them home on the bus.

Didn't bother to respond to the message for an hour. And it wasn't "oh thanks for offering" it was just stating she was busy getting work sorted.

Aibu In thinking she could have acknowledged me offering to help her. She goes on about the village and this is the second time I've offered. Other time when she was trying to get someone to look after little one after she had IVF. She didn't even ackoledge me.

Ok you may think she doesn't want me to, which is fair enough, but just say "oh thanks I'll bare that in mind".

I'm very hormonal today

Not really, I’d expect a thank you if she agreed and you actually did the favour of bringing them home.

But I would never expect anyone to be messaging me while they’re busy working and it’s very easy to just forget about it once you’ve gotten on with your day. I’d probably do my best to acknowledge it at some point, but not like in the middle of a meeting. I wouldn’t be remotely offended if I offered and I wasn’t thanked for the offer. People have too much stuff going on to be point scoring like this.

We weren't working. It was an emergency closure of the nursery.

She had to leave work, as did I. I messaged her whilst I was at the nursy to make sure she had the message. Than asked her if she wanted me to collect her little one as well. She's been messaging me since 6pm.

I think it's rude to not even ackwolege my offer of help.

If someone thoughtfully offers to help you (even if you don’t need it) it’s very basic manners to thank them for the thought, not acknowledging their kindness is pretty rude.

She might just have been caught in a bad moment of course but I wouldn’t rush to offer again.

She was rude. I think she possibly doesn't see you as a very close friend and is a bit weirded out by your offer? I have friends that would seem natural from and others I like very much but don't know all that well where I would be a bit surprised. I would still say 'thanks so much but we're fine' though.

She tells me about everything and always messaging.... Also inviting me to events with her at the weekend and talks about building villages etc.

It's happened twice now. I've just got the ick with her

Same, I just can't imagine a scenario where my first reflex is NOT to say thank you.

No i would not expect a thank you, your posts make me feel you are doing this for you because you need some recognition for whatever else is going on in your life, it is not up to her to have to give you that

She said her friend talks about needing a village so I think OP is just offering to try and provide what the friend says she needs.
I don't get the sense at all that OP has something else going on in their life that makes them unreasonably want recognition

Wtf.

Yep, even in circumstances where someone is offering in bad faith or insincerely I would say thanks.

Some of the replies on this thread are quite baffling.

I think a thank-you for offering would have been ideal from her.

I also think you're over-reacting to not receiving it over text, especially from a single mum in the middle of a work day where there was a nursery emergency. Is it really so important to get a text thanking you for your text that you can't extend your friend some grace on this?

What do you mean.... I too had to pick up my child, leave work etc. she's been messaging me all evening ... I think she could at least ackoledge my offer of help. I'm also a single parent

She could, yes. And if she came on here and said "should I say thank you for the offer" I would say yes.

But I also think that holding this against her is out of proportion to such an incredibly minor lapse.

Yes it's weird

Are you fully aware what ‘the ick’ means?

Could it be that she was just busy when she read your message and quickly replied without much thought?

I just think the importance of acknowledging your offer just simply doesn't rank as highly as yours.

Sure she sounds rude in this riny interaction you've shared, I'm also inclined to give the benefit of the doubt, it clearly doesn't seem a deliberate slight if you're still chatting this evening.

For you, maybe an exercise in managing your own expectations on how others should react or respond.

If you don't like her reaction, don't offer in future.

Really not sure why you keep referencing her statements about "building a village"

I didn’t remotely suggest that OP’s offer was intrusive. Nor did I prescribe any kind of value judgement to the use of “unsolicited” as you seem to have done; it literally just means ‘not asked for’.

So yes, factually I still stand by what I said. Perhaps OP’s friend didn’t see the need to thank her for something that she neither asked for nor needed to take her up on. If she’d accepted the help, then thanks would obviously be due.

BecUse she often tells me how her parents never help with childcare, she's a single mum by choice, how she's joined this single mum group to help build the village, how she's always inviting me to events to hang out with me, how she's had other people offer to bring her food, how she turns to to nursery early to make friends to help build her village.....

So someone who she knowss for 2 years offers her help in an emergency and I get ignored.

Make a word for friends because shes given me the equivalent

@knowingmekniwingyou You made a really kind offer and you should've received a "thank you" in words at the very least. Anyone who make excuses otherwise is a wanker. I would be so grateful if a friend offered to do this for me.

Ok.... you seem to be taking it awfully personally.

Again, not dismissing the interaction, on the surface she was rude, however if I am in the middle of a crisis or respond in haste, i can pften come across rude or blunt.

I sometime have to "catch" myelf and rewrite emails to appear softer and polite.

But if it's really problematic for you, just don't offer again and protect your peace.

Disagree.. I might be a lot of things, but def not a wanker because I didn't say thank you to someone once during an emergency lol (in this example)

I was going to say it was rude but then you mention autism. In that case I'd not hold it against her.

Someone said autism is no excuse but there are varying levels of how people with autism function, no two people are the same.

From a person in the same emergency? Who offered help, which would put them at a disadvanatge as well (having to collect a car somehow)