To think everyone is so rude nowadays.

[Elfie111]

I just returned home from a shopping trip in a large shopping mall (can’t say where as would be outing) - 😂 not really, it was Bluewater.

I just want to know why everyone is so hostile. I know this has been discussed before but is it really the post Covid bad attitude / no social skills or awareness.

I was making my way out of a changing room with a pram this morning and a mother and adult daughter blocked both aisles to leave the changing room and then glared at me. I waited for them to move as they seemed as though they were quite invested in being aggressively in the way/ I was a massive inconvenience for wanting to exit the changing room. Normally I would say ‘excuse me’ or ‘sorry’ (I know people hate this as why am I apologising for being alive) but today I thought - I’m not even going to speak. You know you’re in the way. You’re both glaring at me and instead of getting changed in the cubicle you’re in the gangway with open mouthed gormless stares.

In my experience people behaving like that is more and more common now.

Does anyone have a similar experience?

Is overt racism common now? I’m just trying to understand how a thread about rudeness in society is about racism, according to you. There are many, many different forms of rudeness, no? Maybe it’s something you’re particularly sensitive about. Personally, I’ve experienced all kinds of rudeness especially during the past four years from all different kinds of people in all kinds of scenarios.

@pinenuts75Because I was prepared to accept that this is the way it is now in these large stores and just crack on with it. I won't be going there again. Thankfully my local M&S store doesn't have any of these self service machines and we still have staffed tills with staff who smile and chat to customers.

I think certain parts of the country are a lot worse than others, doesn’t surprise me this was at Bluewater.

@Toydrum no. I said the opposite,

So the thread premise is that people are so rude nowadays, as in, once they were not.

I reply saying we all have different ideas of what constitutes rudeness (as the M & S example shows; the poster thought the staff were rude whereas I think she and her DH were.)

At one time (so not ‘nowadays’) overt racism was common and not seen as rude - no blacks etc. So harking back to a bygone era where everyone was polite to one another isn’t totally accurate.

It's the space-hoggers that grind me down; their absence of spatial awareness and others around them.

Let's walk in formation across the whole path.
Let's use the extension lead across the whole path.
Let's randomly stop in the doorway/ top of the escalator...
Let's stop the trolley in the little gap next to the stock trolley/ pillar.

Usually it's clusters of people socialising or immersed in their phones.

I was in a supermarket with autistic, dyspraxic teenage DS a few days ago. He had the trolley and stopped at a narrow point by a pillar. I told him to move up and stop the trolley where it was wider so people could pass. Two people with a trolley came up and stopped in the narrowest point exactly where he had. 🤦‍♀️
We ended up looking at each other and laughed at the irony and decided it was simpler to walk out the other way because from numerous personal experiences it's too much hard work to get the attention of space zombies.

My manners probably have deteriorated in recent years because it's so wearing having to constantly exclaim "excuse me" loudly to go anywhere. You have to be loud enough to cut through their conversation/ ear buds, and then you risk a shirty reaction for interrupting them. When I'm out running I've learned that it is just better to take the gap because trying to get their attention startles them and they then scatter across the path in all directions. I'm probably also tired from having to think for DS and train his spatial awareness up and being bumped into by him because he walks in straight lines not following the path

I still hold doors open for people, say "good morning" to walkers, keep an ear out for other people and move aside, use my "please" and "thank you". I am nice to staff; I've been customer facing in my youth. My DCs are regularly complimented for their manners at school.

I'm just tired of constantly encountering oblivious zombies, and it has got worse in the last 10 years as phones have become more ubiquitous with a gear change in 2020 when in-person social skills went rusty for so many.

It may be accurate for some people. Imagine that.

I think lots of us plug into podcasts, music etc as we go about our daily travels which can make for unintentional rudeness. I’m often ignored on the tube when I politely ask someone to excuse me but 99% of the time they are heavily focused elsewhere, just trying to survive a gruelling commute.

one thing I do now I’m older is always ask for what I want - a seat for someone who needs one (if I don’t have one to give them), positive attention in a shop, a greeting. I politely don’t let anyone get away with being rude.

Good morning!

(ignored)

Such a bright day for October.

(side eye)

I hope you have something nice planned for the weekend. These sunny autumn days are so precious. I was only saying to my neighbour this week… (ad nauseum)

(forced to connect)

This has backfired on me spectacularly on occasion of course but so what. At least I’m modelling courtesy. I could never have had the courage when I was younger so it feels like there was more rudeness then. But it’s probably much the same.

Things to say:

Are you ok? (Said sincerely) You seem to be a bit troubled.

It’s so hard to notice others when we are all in such a hurry these days! (Big smile)

Oops there we go. You need to let us out first please. Thank you!!

Drives some insane. Deeply pleasurable. I love being an old woman.

I commute by rail in the southeast. People no longer let you get off the train. They stand right in the way! I don't know why this has changed but it is so STUPID as if you don't let passengers off, you can't get on!

Yeah, I'm going to try @AtlasPine's approach from Monday I think.

"Thanks for letting passengers alight from the train first!"
"So kind of you to let me get off!"

See I think that’s really rude!

@Toydrum well - yes, that’s the point, isn’t it? Whether you think rudeness is worse nowadays or not depends on your definition of rudeness. I think the example above is shockingly rude and I would be really taken aback if I heard it, but the poster evidently feels it’s both acceptable and justified because the person serving them wasn’t responding in the way they thought was polite.

I repeat myself another entitled customer 🙄 with no regard for the staff, me and my colleagues experience it every day.

Goodness OP!

@northernwinds. Of course, there are many facets to this and every one has their own personal experience. My personal perspective is that prior to 2020, there was a definite semblance of politeness, within customer services and in general (how much of that was genuine or expected, I don’t know) and I do wonder if working from home has had an effect tbh. I’ve spoken to someone from a bank about a serious matter and she had kids screaming in the background! I’ve spoken to another agent in customer service and she was clearly bored and so unbelievably casual, she kept sighing and burped down the phone (Very uk, I’m looking at you!). In general, I feel there’s a malaise and people really don’t care anymore about much of anything.

I don’t know if that gels with you?

Not massively but I had my first child in 2020 so the time before is a blurry sense of Before 😂

I am sure people are ruder in some ways but politer in others. It’s less acceptable to comment on women’s bodies than it was once; it’s also now the case some people will play music on their phones loudly as now we have phones …

I will say though Teachers Pensions are awful to get through to and I think part of that is WFH so I sympathise.

It's passive aggression, isn't it?

Exactly! Customers just think we talk about non work related stuff. Even to update us on new procedures, things like you need to input the coupons for newspapers in manually- usually scanned them and took the money off, say that we don’t have any scratchcards for no 12 etc. Then things such as organising breaks

Customers just see staff talk without hearing the content!

Do you have older kids @Elfie111 ?

I think customers get that but it is helpful to acknowledge that you see people waiting.

Boots is one of the worst for this. Multiple pharmacy staff scurrying about, avoiding eye contact!

They're just using the space, like you, just share it

First and second reply nail it for me. Will it ever get better?? What is the psychology behind this?

How about stop focusing on the bad shit and start focusing on the good stuff that happens

Of which there is loads
This is the way I prefer to live

Me too

And I imagine we are a lot happier for it

you're not allowed to being your 'bad days' to work. Especially not in retail or hospitality. Stay home and take the pay cut if you can't conduct yourself properly. Your personal life should be left at the door of your workplace.