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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was overly vulgar of DH?

150 replies

Dockerty · 30/10/2025 12:13

Our downstairs bathroom is at the end of the hallway and unfortunately faces the front door. DH is well aware of my bowel issues (chronic constipation) and if ever I feel the urge to go I really must go.

So I went to toilet last night and heard a knock at the door. I heard DH answer it and he then shouts:
”Dockerty, Dorothy is at the door for you - come on - snap it off”

I was mortified - baring in mind when you leave the bathroom it’s in full view of the front door. I was flustered, annoyed and embarrassed, flushed the toilet, opened the bathroom door and DH says to Dorothy “Get your gas mask out” and laughed. Dorothy smiled in a nervous kind of way. I said to her “sorry about that” meaning DH and she said “I can’t smell anything”.

Honestly I know it all sounds daft but how bloody childish to make a big thing out of someone’s toilet habits? WIBU to be pissed off at him?

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/10/2025 12:48

The words are stop being a dickhead DH, no one thinks you’re funny

BoundaryGirl3939 · 30/10/2025 12:53

Thats really horrible. I would find that very, very humiliating and actually traumatic.

AquaForce · 30/10/2025 12:54

nutbrownhare15 · 30/10/2025 12:18

I would be apoplectic with rage and expect a full.grovelling apology and promise not to do anything like that again. Does he seek to humiliate you in front of your friends in other ways? He sounds completely disrespectful.

Agreed.

I had one of these. He got nice and comfortable making fun of and laughing at me, my clothes and my home. He wasn't laughing when I kicked him to the curb.

No need at all to embarrass OP like that or the poor lady at the door. This sort of thing levers open cracks in my relationships. Humiliation and disrespect is a deal breaker. Not saying that it should be for OP or everyone else, just for me, it's the beginning of the end.

He'd probably turn it back on OP by telling her she's too sensitive or it was 'just a joke' if she says anything. When I hear a joke, I expect to laugh.....

Sohelpmegod25 · 30/10/2025 12:55

I’d not be on mumsnet I’d be taking a free hour for advice with a divorce lawyer!

why on earth would you want to be with someone like that?????

tothelefttotheleft · 30/10/2025 12:59

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 30/10/2025 12:33

Sorry op but I burst out laughing reading that.

Why? Nothing about what he said is remotely funny. Do you also not have the ability to imagine what that was like for the op?

Sockdays · 30/10/2025 13:01

Yanbu.
You married a low class pig.
I would be mortified for you, that you chose to marry someone so uncouth.

He makes a show of himself, his awful background and you, when he behaves like that.

I suppose you have already had children with him?

Did he really only show you how dog rough he was after marriage?

Oh and that is not normally how decent men speak.
Only the scummy ones that were dragged up.

Sgtmajormummy · 30/10/2025 13:04

Tell him toilet humour stops being funny at 5 years old.

hattie43 · 30/10/2025 13:05

Never heard of a bathroom at the end of a hallway . That wasn’t thought through .

ldnmusic87 · 30/10/2025 13:12

Awful.

Did you tell him how you felt, what did he say?

GinaDavva · 30/10/2025 13:12

Just to get a bit of perspective It’s at times like this I always think that when I am in the last moments of my life when all is said and done and my life is about to expire…just how important is this really going to be to me? Is it really going to matter then? If it doesn’t matter when everything else in life is stripped away, then just how much does it really matter now? Enough to hang on to for days, weeks , months? Enough to think of nothing else ever again? Probably not.

Sohelpmegod25 · 30/10/2025 13:14

I mean to be honest if you stay with someone so vulgar and childlike I think it says a lot about the OP - it’s like people who stay with cheating partners -
by staying with them it says to them “I’m ok with that” and surely you can’t be ok with that otherwise you wouldn’t have posted on here!

PoetryEmotion · 30/10/2025 13:15

GinaDavva · 30/10/2025 13:12

Just to get a bit of perspective It’s at times like this I always think that when I am in the last moments of my life when all is said and done and my life is about to expire…just how important is this really going to be to me? Is it really going to matter then? If it doesn’t matter when everything else in life is stripped away, then just how much does it really matter now? Enough to hang on to for days, weeks , months? Enough to think of nothing else ever again? Probably not.

What, being humiliated by your own DH on purpose? About a health issue you have? Repeatedly?

Yes, that's important.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 30/10/2025 13:17

BoundaryGirl3939 · 30/10/2025 12:53

Thats really horrible. I would find that very, very humiliating and actually traumatic.

Traumatic 😂😂😂 the hyperbole on here is off the scale sometimes.

I’d have laughed but my partner and I have a similar sense of humour and find poo funny. Yes, I’m sure some think that’s frightfully immature. But from your update it seems this isn’t a one-off, it’s his general demeanour and sense of humour, so I’m struggling to see how you ended up married to someone who makes jokes like this when they’re clearly not your thing?

shhblackbag · 30/10/2025 13:21

PoetryEmotion · 30/10/2025 13:15

What, being humiliated by your own DH on purpose? About a health issue you have? Repeatedly?

Yes, that's important.

Show quote history

Agree.

alloutofcareunits · 30/10/2025 13:22

hattie43 · 30/10/2025 13:05

Never heard of a bathroom at the end of a hallway . That wasn’t thought through .

I’d have thought most downstairs toilets are off the hallway. Where else would it be? Off the living room? The door from the dining room? Genuinely curious!

tuvamoodyson · 30/10/2025 13:23

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 30/10/2025 12:25

Not defending him but maybe he wasn't sure what to say or do. He done and said the wrong thing 100%. Could he not of let Dorothy in or say hold on a min ill find her and shut the door. Maybe try using bathroom upstairs if possible next time

‘Come in Dorothy’ that would have covered it.

CuddlyPug · 30/10/2025 13:23

He sounds dreadful. He deliberately meant to embarass you. You night not be able to get rid of the chronic constipation but you can at least remove one unpleasant thing from your life - him. By the way as a similar sufferer, two kuwifruit a day have been a huge help.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/10/2025 13:23

Omfg. I'd beat the shit out of him.
Yanbu.

TheDenimPoet · 30/10/2025 13:24

I know how those kinds of issues can grind you down, and become a bit of a taboo in your life - the last thing you need is him laughing and joking about it and making such comments to someone at the door. I would be fuming if my DP told someone I was having a poo if they were at the door for me. I would be wanting him to make some other excuse and either get them settled with a cuppa, or tell them I'd pop round to theirs if it was a neighbour. You need to have a really good chat with him about how this makes you feel. I do think as well that men find 'poo' things a lot funnier than we do, so he might not necessarily know he's done wrong.

LadyTangerine · 30/10/2025 13:26

Just awful and cringeworthy. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

As an aside if our downstairs loo opened facing the front door I think I'd be using the upstairs loo. Granted you say you have bowel issues but even so a quick dash upstairs probably best going forward.

Bringonthefatfurcat · 30/10/2025 13:26

That’s honestly revolting. How do you have sex with this man

DuchessofStaffordshire · 30/10/2025 13:26

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 30/10/2025 12:33

Sorry op but I burst out laughing reading that.

Me too, but I would have been absolutely mortified were it me in that situation and my husband and I banter with each other all the time. I think op needs to cook up a suitable means of retaliation and give him a taste of his own medicine

Billyvoo2 · 30/10/2025 13:28

My DH has a bad tummy too. He stinks the place out (it secretly gets on my nerves)
would I joke about it to the neighbours? Er no! Would I mention to someone on a phone call… hell no!
your DH seems mega childish IMO, like an above poster mentioned you don’t seem to have the same level of maturity or understanding of what is funny… has he just become obnoxious with age?

londongirl12 · 30/10/2025 13:31

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 30/10/2025 12:25

Not defending him but maybe he wasn't sure what to say or do. He done and said the wrong thing 100%. Could he not of let Dorothy in or say hold on a min ill find her and shut the door. Maybe try using bathroom upstairs if possible next time

Oh come on. He could have just said she’s in the loo, just hang on a sec and then let the Op know. Using the loo isn’t embarrassing, it’s what he said is.

tigerlady14 · 30/10/2025 13:36

Dockerty · 30/10/2025 12:13

Our downstairs bathroom is at the end of the hallway and unfortunately faces the front door. DH is well aware of my bowel issues (chronic constipation) and if ever I feel the urge to go I really must go.

So I went to toilet last night and heard a knock at the door. I heard DH answer it and he then shouts:
”Dockerty, Dorothy is at the door for you - come on - snap it off”

I was mortified - baring in mind when you leave the bathroom it’s in full view of the front door. I was flustered, annoyed and embarrassed, flushed the toilet, opened the bathroom door and DH says to Dorothy “Get your gas mask out” and laughed. Dorothy smiled in a nervous kind of way. I said to her “sorry about that” meaning DH and she said “I can’t smell anything”.

Honestly I know it all sounds daft but how bloody childish to make a big thing out of someone’s toilet habits? WIBU to be pissed off at him?

my partner has an IBD and often needs the bathroom and I’ve never once behaved in this way - it’s already a difficult and in some cases embarrassing illness as it is and someone going out of their way to humiliate you is the last thing you need! sorry this happened, your husband sounds very immature and like a bit of a bully. i would bring it up to him and explain how it feels as he may not realise how badly his behaviour comes across, his reaction to you discussing it seriously with him will be revealing as hopefully he listens and apologises, but if he doesn’t or tries to minimise it i would be concerned. <3