AIBU to be angry at DH over insults used

[OnePunnyKoala]

DH got into an argument with DS16 over something petty and suddenly called him a "psychopath" as an insult. DS16 then got into another argument with him and said that the language he uses is unacceptable and shouldn't be used in any household. Instead of realising his mistake DH then proceeded to say I will have to start whipping you with a belt. What should I do? Is this common behaviour or completely unacceptable?

Thats not a way for your husband to speak to any person - child/young adult or adult. Standalone name calling of "psychopath", whilst a bit weird and grim from parent to child, i'd be unhappy about but maybe let go, dependant on context and apology.
A threat of violence towards my children in my household, no.

I would tell him that he has just revealed himself to be less mature than his DS16 and he needs to think about that.

Completely unacceptable.
Your dh thinks insults and threats of violence are suitable discipline.
He seems immature or nasty or both.

He has made a rip in his relationship with his son and he has the responsibility to make the repair - he needs to apologise and not behave like this again.

Ok please explain what has ever made you think this is acceptable behaviour?

I don't really understand why children are in arguments with their parents as though they are equals. Why is your teenager not politely explaining their point of view but accepting the adult's judgement overall? Why do they believe that is is acceptable for them to go back and forth with their parents?

It sounds like your dh is incapable of managing his son’s behaviour without resorting to threats and insults.

Both incidents handed in a completely unacceptable manner.

Your husband sounds deranged.

This isn’t the 1950’s.

Seriously? Do you have children?

You can’t really be expecting an entire generation to be submissive to their elders regardless of whether they’re right or wrong? The ability to stand your ground on a point you believe in is surely fundamental?

What? So the teen should accept random insults from his father??

Sometimes adults don’t know best. This is not the 1950s. Age does not confer wisdom, decency, etc.

And that's perhaps not the great thing that you seem to think it is.

Im.in my 50s and epuld not have argued like this with my parents. Maybe arguing with each other has been allowed/is acceptable in OP's house. Adult needs to take the higher moral ground. If this means walking away to diffuse a situation then so be it.

No the child and the parent should never be in an argument. They aren't equals. That's not to say children don't have a say but ultimately, they should respect their parent's final judgement. There shouldn't be a back and forth.

What did the teen do for your DH to be call him a psychopath?

Young people have a right to agency. And not all parents are right. Some are downright manipulative and abusive.

No the child should never be in an argument with their parent. They were arguing and this led to the insult. If the child understood he is a child and needs to accept what his father has said, there would be no argument and therefore no insult. This started because a little boy thought he has equal say to his father.

Agency doesnt mean going back and forth with your parent. As a child, you accept your parent's decision and move on. No arguing. This is the problem with young people today. They'll argue and argue as they have rights, all the way to not going to school, doing fuck all in the house and calling their mum a bitch while she slaves away after them.

No, i didn't say to all their elders. I said to their parents. If you run a home letting your kids think they can just stand up and argue with you, then good for you. We teach kids to respect hierarchy and authority around here. We want them to be productive, employable human beings.

Back to the question op asked. Nobody would threaten my children with violence in my earshot and get away with it.

Good grief. I couldn't disagree with you more but I see there's no point arguing. No one deserves respect because they're older or have more 'authority'. Respect is earned. And it isn't earned by calling your kid a psychopath and threatening violence

My children are adults. Did I let them argue with me at aged 3 - absolutely not. Did I let them argue with me at 16? Of course. You did say parents but your implication is they shouldn’t argue with people more senior than them and you reference this in heirachy. I lead a large team at work and we have an environment of healthy challenge and conflict where people can disagree because it’s not always the most senior person in the room who’s right.

Is DH his father?

I absolutely would not accept this behaviour.

What was the initial argument about?