AIBU to be angry at DH over insults used

[OnePunnyKoala]

DH got into an argument with DS16 over something petty and suddenly called him a "psychopath" as an insult. DS16 then got into another argument with him and said that the language he uses is unacceptable and shouldn't be used in any household. Instead of realising his mistake DH then proceeded to say I will have to start whipping you with a belt. What should I do? Is this common behaviour or completely unacceptable?

Ah. I can see you don’t have kids. At least, I hope you don’t.

Ah, you’re on the wind up. I’ll leave you to it 👍

And that's why we have the kids we have today. No respect isn't "earned" by a child. Making children think they can be disrespectful until they deem an adult worthy of respect is why we have the little shits we have today.

This wasn't some random adult either, it was his father. If you are not teaching your children that their parents need to be minded, then you are essentially not parenting. You're living with your young mates until they can get their own place.

He shouldn't be "arguing" with his dad. End of story.

Are you quite well?

Yes I do. My kids dont believe they are equal to their parents or other older family members so would not find it appropriate to stand up and "argue" with us. They respect authority. They understand that they are children and the adults around them ultimately make the rules and they have to follow them. We don't make kids think they have as much authority as adults and have them standing in our face giving us what for.

How old are your kids?

3 grown up boys and we have had insults like this thrown around, it's usually just a heat of the moment thing. Depends what son did and what context it was used.

DH once called one of them a retard, not serious, they were joking about, because he was acting daft (it was years ago) and he went to school and called his friends brother a retard for dancing around, who actually had a learning disability. He didn't know what it meant. I got hauled into the school, had to explain, had to apologise to the parent who was also my friend. It was very embarrassing. I went mental with DH. DH was always careful after that.

Yes. I understand that in some cultures, children are raised to believe they are on par with adults and will tell their mum to fuck off if she annoys them, but that isnt my culture. A lot of our comedy is based on these key differences in parenting styles though.

Oh dear.

I have 5 kids between 6 and 19. 3 step kids between 12 and 23. I've raised kids into adulthood. Most of the world do not condone their children arguing with them. It's only this far West that it happens.

It's really sad that people think it is inevitable your 16 year old will have a stand up row with you. Parenting standards and competence has really slipped over the generations.

Of course, there were never any little shits in the past, all little angels because their parents were arseholes 🙄 you live in cloud cuckoo land

silly name calling in the middle of arguments…. But your DH with his reaction has lost any hope of claiming the higher ground. I doubt your DS respects him

Yeah, sure. It’s only the bad west that has children with any kind of independent thinking 🤣

oh FFS…. You sound like a geriatric. Kids in the past were regularly whipped and beaten. Is that what we should return to?

He’s 16, not a ‘little boy’.

16 year olds are little boys to me, a full grown adult. Maybe you seem as equals with you.

Plenty of kids were never beaten, but still knew better than to argue with their parents.

No, I see them exactly as they are. Young people, quickly approaching adulthood, with their own independent thoughts and opinions. If you treat a 16 year old as a ‘little boy’, how is he going to cope out in the big wide world in a couple of short years?

If you think your child needs to disrespect authority and hierarchy in order to be independent, that is likely where they are setting off with the wrong ideas.

Hierarchy is a load of made up bollocks.

You enjoy living in the past though - it seems to suit you well.

You can have your own opinions and thoughts without getting into an argument with your parents. This is the problem, the parents seem to be telling the kids that unless you argue and fight with authority figures, they arent independent or autonomous. So the child actually confuses being a challenging little shit with assertiveness and intelligence.

Okay there isnt any hierarchy in society that one needs to acknowledge or respect. Just go out and call a police officer a cunt and nothing will happen to you.

Sounds like DH is incapable of managing his own behaviour.

Just because it exists, doesn’t mean it’s not made up 😂