Not to invite brothers new partner and child Xmas day

[thesurreymum]

I wasn't planning to host this Xmas and keep it just the 4 of us. Last year, I hosted for 12. However change in circumstances means that in-laws will now be coming so therefore will invite my family too. My brother has a new partner of 4 months who has children from previous relationships. Her youngest is 2 and will be with her. I've met the new partner twice but not the child.

My brother has children from previous relationships too and unfortunately he won't see them over Christmas.

Now, I'm not sure if my brothers plans for Xmas and he may already be sorted however I don't necessarily feel comfortable inviting new partner and young child I've never met. Personally it feels too soon for me. DM thinks I'm being unreasonable and it's wrong to exclude them from an invite, she also hasn't met the child.

How do I navigate this with DB? Or am I being unreasonable and invite them too?

Not to drip feed but the past two relationships my brother has had have ended badly and with children involved it's been messy. Whilst I hope this relationship works out I'm not ready to get too close to any new partners and any children.

I wouldn't even consider asking my brother. It sounds too messy for me. You have your own children and you have to put them first.

I agree completely. Christmas is one day when I'd always welcome anyone who didn't have a place to go.

8 children by 5 partners ? Is this how some people live nowadays ? What a mess!
I’d invite your brother and the child tbh. Two more won’t make much of a difference. And buy a little gift for the toddler.

Also your brother should make more of an effort with his own children instead of playing happy families with someone else’s .

Exactly this.
So many judgemental uncaring posters.
As for calling a 2yr old ‘ some random strange child’…..
You’re certainly not the sister I would want. Luckily our family has always invited any ‘random’ person who would benefit from being with others at Christmas.
However, I totally understand that in 2025 thinking of others is not allowed, only me, me, me now.

They've only been together 4 months, Im surprised he's met the children already, let alone be spending christmas together.

Going against the grain on page one I think it would be a nice gesture
I can't imagine how awful and vulnerable it would feel to be a single parent to a toddler without incredible family support and tons of money.

It's a nice gesture there will be lots of people there so it's not like it will be too intense.

Do the kind turn but perhaps explain to brother you weren't sure etc so he does r take it for granted

Op your looking at this like an investment ,ie your thinking due to his last record it's likely we won't see her again or her child so why waate the time and effort and I do understand that aspect.

However it's one day and look on it like yes ..you may never see her again but this is your good deed to welcome someone in . It's surprising with a two year old that she hasn't got her own family to go to.

I think you asking him what his plan is works. Is he not seeing his other dc due to access issues? 6 kids besides the new gf’s 2?! I don’t think I’d want a 2 year old at mine, like pp have said. It would totally traumatise my pets. How old is the next dc up going to be? Maybe the gf wants to stay at home/is seeing her family.

Personally I wouldn't invite the gf. It twists the dynamics having a stranger round the dinner table at Christmas.

But this child is a strange child, the OP doesn’t know them.

For many people Christmas with toddlers around is not fun, I didn’t love it when mine were that little it just felt like same shit different day. We don’t go to BIL’s at Christmas because he has very young DC and the expectation is that he and his wife will sit and enjoy their Christmas while everyone else runs about and entertains the children. Been there and done it with my own and no desire to repeat it unless my own DC decide to have children.

Well I was a young divorced woman with a DS many years ago. My boyfriend ( now DH for decades) myself & son were invited to DH’s family Christmas. (New relationship).
I didn’t know them & vice versa. They were welcoming, kind & bought us gifts. This cemented a great relationship over the years.
It’s beyond me why anyone would not be welcoming to children at Christmas.
We all have a choice, I’m happy with mine & grateful DH family welcomed me 30 plus years ago.
OP wants to know if she’s being unreasonable, I’m simply giving my opinion that she is.