Not to invite brothers new partner and child Xmas day

[thesurreymum]

I wasn't planning to host this Xmas and keep it just the 4 of us. Last year, I hosted for 12. However change in circumstances means that in-laws will now be coming so therefore will invite my family too. My brother has a new partner of 4 months who has children from previous relationships. Her youngest is 2 and will be with her. I've met the new partner twice but not the child.

My brother has children from previous relationships too and unfortunately he won't see them over Christmas.

Now, I'm not sure if my brothers plans for Xmas and he may already be sorted however I don't necessarily feel comfortable inviting new partner and young child I've never met. Personally it feels too soon for me. DM thinks I'm being unreasonable and it's wrong to exclude them from an invite, she also hasn't met the child.

How do I navigate this with DB? Or am I being unreasonable and invite them too?

Not to drip feed but the past two relationships my brother has had have ended badly and with children involved it's been messy. Whilst I hope this relationship works out I'm not ready to get too close to any new partners and any children.

So you all think a child should spend christmas with the family of her mother's boyfriend of 6 months? Strangers basically.

I don't think that child should even KNOW the boyfriend of 6 months (well 4 months right now)

Yeah I'd invite them - not my problem and the more the merrier but seriously ... that poor kid.

I think you should be honest and say you don’t want this woman . Her and her kids aren’t welcome.

Then your brother knows who you are and so will she 🫣

Then you hope for the best 👌

Just say to your brother if he is on his own for Christmas he knows he has a place at the table at yours

@Tiswa - that's perfect.

I think it would be unfair to the DC to foist a bunch of unknown people on them on Xmas day. The kid should be having fun, feeling comfortable. As should everyone else, not minding their sherry glasses! I think if DB's g/f accepted an invitation, I'd feel a bit poorly of her for not putting her own DC first, if that makes sense.

I wouldn't invite the partner and child personally. It's only been four months

All or nothing for me, don’t invite him without them. But if they’re still together at Christmas it will be six months.

Personally, if my sibling had a new partner and they had a child, I;d want to meet them and see how it is all going.

I am not sure it is fair to invite him without her or to invite her without the child.

Sorry OP for me Christmas isn’t a time for exclusion and the definition of the more the merrier.

Why wouldn’t you support your brother and kindly ask him to invite someone important to him? Why wouldn’t you you want to exclude him (I read your post it isn’t a good enough reason for me).

I would really dislike it if my sister felt that that if I were in his shoes. IMO YABU

Well, you can deal with his partner this Christmas or you can deal with starting off on the wrong foot with someone who could be his long term partner for many years. If you begin by telling him he's not welcome to bring her this year, don't expect either of them to feel like it's all blown over by next year. Your call.

My husband and I were engaged by 4 months in and have now been happily married for 8 years. The people in the relationship determine how serious it is. When you know, you know.

My thoughts exactly 😂

I would invite DB, GF and child. He is family and he comes as a package this winter.

"Hi, dont know if you have plans with your new GF but if not you are welcome to come with Mum and Dad on Xmas day. Understand if you would rather spend it with her and her kids though xx"

Says that he is invited but they are not.

Could you say it as it is?
That you suppose he would want to spend Christmas with them, but if he wasn't, he would be welcome at yours, so he wouldn't be alone.

What is your issue? Why exclude your brother?

so what if the split in 6 months? So what if she has a child? Why does that have anything to do with this Christmas?

I think you’re being mean

For me, blended families are defined by the people doing the blending, and the correct response is to politely acknowledge it. Even if (as I have before) you don't personally agree with how they are doing things. Your protests will do nothing to change their minds, and all it will do is push devisions between you and them.

So if you invite your brother, it comes with however he is currently defining him/his family. If that includes a partner of 6 months (by Christmas) and his and or her kids, then fine.. I'd be skeptical and doubt it would last, but that isn't for me to deal with, that is for them.

Also interesting divide on here about who Christmas is for.

Some seem to have a very strong opinion that it is only for close family, and you have to be very comfortable with someone to spend Christmas with them...

Others seem to be ok with inviting anyone, and being more open about it.

Personally, for me, I'm in the second camp. I've had lots of Christmases with a whole range of people, and over the course of the 3 days, my family have had a whole mix of friends, neighbors, family, etc. all invited in at various points. Why? Because the spirit of Christmas is generoisty and if you are presented with an opportunity to do sometihng nice for someone else (and have the capability to do so) there is nothing more Christmassy than that. We have had elderly neighbors round for Christmas lunch and it made them so happy - friends of family who didn't have other plans or places to be, new 'blended' family members who were only around for a bit. None of it mattered. We all muddled along and shared the joy as best we could.

For me, that is far more in-line with the Christmas spirit then the self-focused attitude of some on here, where it all becmse about what you are comfortable with, what you want, who you want in your celebration, and what you think about everything.

@AgentSmith2025 please do let me know what about my post is total rubbish? I'm fairly certain that the essence of the Christmas story is about there being "no room at the inn" and essentially accommodating strangers? Not moralising about how long you deem it acceptable for your brother to go out with someone till they get invited for a roast dinner. Or is it the part where I I say you don't have to be close family to be invited to a Christmas lunch that's rubbish? Because I'm fairly certain there are many many people across the world who accommodate non family for a meal on 25th December.

@AgentSmith2025 ah, one of those types. I'm right because I am 😂