To think the saying 'you lose them how you got them' is 100% correct?

[TaylorNation1998]

I have repeatedly seen throughout my life that no matter how in love two people seem, whenever a man or woman leaves their spouse to be with someone else they always, always end up leaving that person in a similar way. Aibu or is this just so inevitable with these types that it is basically a fact that once a cheat, always a cheat?

Nope. Simplistic rubbish like "what goes around comes around". No such thing as universal truisms. There are commonalities sure, but when people assert on here that a cheating husband WILL regret it, WILL come crawling back etc it's rubbish.

No. It’s mostly just something people say to make their friends and family feel better after this happens to them. Many couples do last.

I am sure there are plenty of examples to the contrary but I don't think I could ever fully trust a man who cheated on his wife and abandoned his kids even if it was to be with me. My cousin did this and she is still with him but the marriage is very up and down, they almost got divorced last year after he got to close to someone else and then they had a vow renewal. Who knows!

It might be more likely but it’s not a certainly.

No, I think it's just something people who've been cheated on tell themselves to make themselves feel better. I know a couple of people who've left one person for another and they're still happily together with the "other person".

I’m sure it’s true that a man who has cheated previously is more likely to cheat again. Not certain though.

Inevitable? No.

But I do think that if someone is willing to cheat once, it’s less of a leap to cheat twice.

Nope, I'm afraid it's an old trope rolled out to make people feel better.

I know couples that have got together in similar circumstances who have been happy for 25 years + (when the originally marriage was a lot less).

While we're at it, karma doesn't exist either.

I know a couple of serial adulterers if that's what you mean. Both cheated on their first wives with my friends (younger and childless) and have now cheated on and left them for younger childless women

I've known a few couples who are still going strong after a decade+, the longest lasting ones I knew of were 32 years together after his affair with her, and he died still absolutely worshipping her.

However I have been known to say such things to people when they have been cheated on because its just one of those cliche things you say probably to make yourself feel better and useful rather than to help the other person tbh.

Best indication of future behaviour is past behaviour. So yes, someone who has cheated once is more likely than a non-cheater to cheat again. But there are ofcourse exceptions that confirms the rule.

I think it's more common than not in my experience but not a certainty.

I think that’s wishful thinking.

There’s definitely some guys who are serial cheats like Boris Johnson and only stop once they age out, so I can see where the theory has come from.

Absolutely. See also 'karma'.

Lots of people have cheated and are still with their affair partner.

No, I know people who have got together this way and stayed together.

It's more likely that someone who has cheated once will cheat again, but definitely not 100%.

It does of course indicate they they are capable of great deceit, disloyalty, selfishness and prioritising themselves over and above loved ones. These qualities are likely to show themselves again, in other ways if not through a second affair/infidelity.

My dh left his long term girlfriend to be with me. While I appreciate none of us know what the future holds, he’s still besotted with me and I feel very secure with him.

I agree it’s the sort of thing folk say to cheer a friend up who’s partner has left!

To be honest, the people I know who cheated and left their partner for, are still together.

Hmm interesting! This is an emotionally loaded thread BTW, I am happily married lol but a woman I work with entered into relationship with a man who left his wife a week before she gave birth to their second for her, they now have a baby and are married and surprise surprise, they're divorcing. They just seemed to put on a huge show when they got together of how in love they were and here we are! Can't say I'm surprised and wonder if she now thinks of how his ex wife felt?

I dunno, I only know of one relationship where the man left his wife for another woman after an affair (one of my uncles). Classic story, he was her boss, she was over a decade younger than him and they had an affair which led to him leaving his wife. Nobody thought it would last but it did, he and the OW are married with kids and seem very happy over 20 years later. I suppose it’s possible he will cheat at some point in the future but I certainly don’t think it’s definite.

No.

I abhor adultery and think people who engage in it are total cowards.

But I do know at least two relationships that are now a couple of decades old that started off as affairs.

Not being goady or hopeful that you don't but genuinely wondering ( if you're happy to share ) what made you trust him when he left his long term girlfriend to be with you?

No. It’s as cheesy as fuck. So is the ‘Karma’ myth. Still waiting for my Karma nearly 30 years later 🙄

Never heard that expression before and no, I don't believe it.

My FIL left my MIL and married the OW. From what I can see, he remained faithful to her until the day he died some 16 years later.

My dh left his long term girlfriend to be with me. While I appreciate none of us know what the future holds, he’s still besotted with me and I feel very secure with him.

Long term girlfriend as in not engaged to be married ? How many years is long term ? Are you now engaged or married @towhoknowswhere ?
I think it is quite common for men to string along a woman who is adequate for their needs until they think they can get someone 'better' ? If they marry 'better' quickly then they, the woman, is usually on fairly safe ground, if the man has just upgraded 'adequate' they shouldn't be as confident.