BIL hijacking dinner

[OneBlueOnePink]

Last night we invited my SIL (DH sister), her husband, their two adult DC, my BIL (DH brother), his wife, and their twin boys (6) for dinner this weekend.

DH and I have two DS (16) and (9).

We usually see BIL and his family twice a year, once at SIL house and once at our house. We are never invited to their house.

BIL’s twins turned 6 last week and they had a large birthday party with their friends to which we were not invited (not expecting an invitation and not upset about this). BIL had not arranged anything for his family to celebrate the birthday (again fine and not expecting this).

BIL has now said he will bring a birthday cake to dinner to celebrate his twins.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? We will be hosting everyone (DH is a very good cook and will be preparing everything) but it’s not meant to be a birthday gathering for BIL twins?

It was also my DS’s 9th birthday 2 weeks ago too, but we had not meant for this to be a party for him either.

DH has told BIL not to bring a cake as I had a planned to make one (I bake as a hobby and SIL likes one cake in particular which I had planned to make for her).

But I’m concerned now that BIL will use my cake as a birthday cake for his twins and we will all end up doing what he wanted anyway.

DH says it’s not a big deal and to just let BIL get on with it.

I think I may be being unreasonable because I’m still a bit miffed about what happened a couple of years ago. We all met at SIL for dinner two days after my DS’s 7th birthday. It was over a week before the twins birthday but closer to my DS’s. BIL did the same thing again and produced a cake for his twins while ignoring our DS.

So, AIBU and if not, what can I do to stop BIL?

Indeed, if you can’t beat them, join them! If it’s becoming a birthday thing as family are gathering and it’s near significant days, mark them, celebrate, enjoy, and let there be cake!

(BiL clearly a bit selfish, thoughtless, whatever, it’s up to you to make sure yours get included now you know his game!)

This feels like quite a big fuss about something that doesn't matter very much.

"I'll bring a cake and candles so we can sing happy birthday to the twins."

"Oh, we're actually already making a cake, so no need - but if you want to bring candles we could sing happy birthday to the twins and to DS as well, as it was his birthday last week as well."

The above, to me, seems like all the conversation necessary.

That’s what I think, it’s so easy resolved. Oh good idea let’s celebrate all 3 kids, you bring the cake or I will make one, job done. All this stressing and turning it into some form of nefarious game of one up manship is so unnecessary. Don’t stop the kids being celebrated or agrue about candles, it’s ludicrous. Just text and say making a cake to celebrate all 3 kids, will have the candles at the ready.

kids are happy, adults happy, no kid excluded, kids all get a birthday cake and sung to, why the drama,

Why on earth would you try to stop the kids being celebrated, you need to try to stop making this about your intense dislike for your bil and thus ruining it for everyone. No one is hijacking anything. Can you see how petty it sounds?

just text him and say making a cake for all 3 kids, got the candles. No drama required.

I never invited family members to the kids party. That was for friends only.

Make th3 cake you were planning and have it cut up and on plates/bowls before they get there so no big deal when it comes to dishing it out

How did it go @OneBlueOnePink?