‘Excuse me’ - why the reaction??

[Nakedmoleratapprecoationsociety]

In the last few months I’ve really noticed an increase in people who take great offence to the phrase ‘excuse me.’

DS saying excuse me to a teacher, obstructing the pedestrian gates, who snapped ‘wait a second.’ He waited several moments before asking so it wasn’t as though he walked up and said it.

I said excuse me to someone in Waitrose who was obstructing the cheese with their trolley whilst they took a call. Got an eye roll and a nasty look.

A pregnant woman on the train said ‘excuse me’ to someone obstructing the aisle she could get to a seat. Got a tonne of abuse.

Ive got so many more examples, both of friends/family and myself. I don’t get it. Would people rather people said ‘oi, fuck off out my way you ignorant tosser’? Am I missing something? Is ‘excuse me’ now rude or aggressive?!

I agree.
A smiling 'Excuse me, could I reach past and pick up one of those... thank you.' is not the same as a curt 'Excuse me' while already barging past.
Come to think of it, a child expecting a teacher to move out of the way when the teacher is presumably on duty and doing something at the school gates for a reason, is a bit much. Could DS not have walked round another way?

I sort of get it. Someone saying excusing me is usually telling you to move. I can see why people’s initial reaction would be arsey

Ok, I know what you mean OP. But on the other hand, sometimes I have waited patiently to get my place, at say, the cheese counter, then started to make my selection and someone says, “Excuse me,” and expects me to move instantly. That come over as entitled and I reply “Yes, in a moment,” but I like saying something much more sarcastic, like “I’m so so sorry your majesty, I didn’t realise it was you!”

I agree generally that you see a lot more boorish behaviour in public now.

But ‘excuse me’ can sometimes be rude. I’ve met children who’ve clearly been taught to say it, but they think it gives then a free pass to interrupt conversations (with non-urgent crap), which is just as rude as a plain interruption. They just butt in, repeating ‘excuse me’ more and more insistently. But they’re children.

I’ve been looked daggers at when I said “After you” to a young woman as I held open the door of a shop. Couldn’t work out how it could have offended her, but later concluded she wasn’t used to good manners and genuinely thought I was being sarcastic.

There are some weird people out there…many haven’t been house-trained unfortunately.

https://tenor.com/bkpu7.gif

Well yes. That’s what excuse me means. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I think the various responses on the thread indicate that there isn’t an easy answer to this.
sometimes if I’m not in a rush (for example in a shop) I’ll linger nearby till a person has finished. Otherwise you run the risk of someone assuming that I think I’m better than them and too impatient to wait my turn. However sometimes people will snap ‘ you only had to say excuse me!’
Some people are rude, some people are extremely impatient. Others are very slow. Some people are always in a rush. Some people love an excuse for drama or aggression, others love to take offence. Some have mobility issues meaning they are going to take a while. Add a lack of self awareness (which many people suffer from) and some self absorption and there’s a risk it can all too easily kick off!

I have noticed a definite increase in people being nasty/over reacting to innocent remarks. A few weeks ago I was on a bus and a woman ran over my foot with her pushchair. My foot wasn't sticking way out in the aisle,maybe just a little bit further out than most people as I can't bend my left knee properly due to rheumatoid arthritis. All I said was 'Ow' and she flared up at me,saying 'What's your fucking problem?'. Whatever happened to a simple apology?

I think the phrase has started to fall out of fashion and can sometimes be seen as a little snooty (even when it's not!). I tend to say 'oh sorry can I ...' and they usually move before i finish talking

I'm not sure I agree that people are ruder than they used to be. A person was rude to me in tesco 6 months ago and I'm still annoyed so it can't be too common

Have you tried sticking a please on the end? 50% of the time, it works every time.

Urgh what a horrible, arrogant teacher. Doesn't surprise me sadly, though. They should have congratulated him on his good manners, not bitten his head off.

'Excuse me' is the correct and polite phrase to use so I don't think you should stop saying it or teaching him to use it.

Yes, I've seen this, people like to feel affronted, especially when they're asked by someone they deem inferior (e.g. a woman, younger person, an overweight person, a different race etc).

The way to deal with it it to be assertive not obsequious. Say it with a headmistress voice.

Child trying to get past teacher, child waits. Other examples really depends on the actual situation and as others have said tone of voice, it can be a polite request or a really rude demand.

I definitely don’t say sorry. Asking politely to get past someone by saying “excuse me” doesn’t warrant an apology.
Of course half the time these days people are wearing earbuds or headphones and can’t hear an “excuse me” anyway, especially if you’re coming up behind them, they just carry on their merry way completely oblivious to the fact they’re in someone’s way.

One day in Watershones browsing books on shelf. A young man must have wanted to get past. Instead of saying something like "Excuse me please" or "May I pass" he announced sarcastically to his female companion "Im just waiting for this LADY to move out of the way." I told him in my best teacher voice that "this LADY will move when she hears something appropriate like please or excuse me." Followed by "Did your parents teach you no social skills?" The girl with hm, obviously embarassed said "Shes right you know! That was rude" I told the girl "I hope your not married yet. If he will speak to a complete stranger like that how is he going to treat you in a few years time? One to throw back dear."

Sometimes youve just got to cut tem down to size.

Child had already waited several minutes and anyway - why should he wait? Teacher was blocking a pedestrian gate.

Same.

I don’t think it’s the phrase, it’s just society in general now sadly - infested with self-absorbed, entitled people, devoid of manners or consideration for others, and who think rules don’t apply to them.

Just this afternoon was with DD in the playground. Signs on every gate say “No Dogs” - two people (at least) in there with dogs. Small example but it’s pretty much everywhere - aggression, anger, and nastiness are the default setting.

It can come across as sarky or annoyed I suppose. Depends on tone.

I would have thought that 'excuse me' has a built in 'please'. But I have to confess that sometimes I'm in another world and glare at someone who wants me to move. Totally wrong on my part

Good for you - what an arrogant little shit!

You win 2025 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Without the “please” at the end “excuse me” doesn’t really sound all that polite.

I normally say excuse me please

Im currently sat on a train (having been stood for an hour and a half) and had to say "excuse me please" several times so I could go to the loo. Several hisses and glares.
Yes its busy, im sorry, but I'm being polite and I don't want to have to tell a whole train if I dont get to a loo pronto I'm going to have a problem (serious menstrual problems). Fed up..next time I'll just tell them to move out of my way and exactly the reason why they need to move. 🙄