‘Excuse me’ - why the reaction??

[Nakedmoleratapprecoationsociety]

In the last few months I’ve really noticed an increase in people who take great offence to the phrase ‘excuse me.’

DS saying excuse me to a teacher, obstructing the pedestrian gates, who snapped ‘wait a second.’ He waited several moments before asking so it wasn’t as though he walked up and said it.

I said excuse me to someone in Waitrose who was obstructing the cheese with their trolley whilst they took a call. Got an eye roll and a nasty look.

A pregnant woman on the train said ‘excuse me’ to someone obstructing the aisle she could get to a seat. Got a tonne of abuse.

Ive got so many more examples, both of friends/family and myself. I don’t get it. Would people rather people said ‘oi, fuck off out my way you ignorant tosser’? Am I missing something? Is ‘excuse me’ now rude or aggressive?!

He’s four!

Yeah I’d probably say, “sorry, do you mind if i sit down there please ?”

I suppose ”Excuse Me!” could sound a bit accusatory somehow, or impatient maybe in a certain tone & could get someone’s back up.

If you say “Excuse you!” It can sound sarcastically aggressive. Weird. I hadn’t ever thought about it to be honest op. Interesting.

When I was a child we were told off for saying excuse me, you had to say excuse me please.

Hmm, I think it can sound a little abrupt unless it is accompanied by ‘please’. Plus there should be a good reason for the first person to give way to the other person. Why not just wait a minute?

I have had encounters where someone says ‘Excuse me’ but what they are actually meaning is: ‘Get out of my way, I want to go first.’

I was selecting a product from an open fridge (in a Waitrose, naturally!) and was almost immediately interrupted by an older man saying, ‘Excuse me’ because he wanted to get something from exactly the same section and wanted me to move out of his way. The store was quiet, I wasn’t taking an undue amount of time and didn’t have a trolley or anything that was taking up space, it was clear from his tone that he just didn’t see why I should be there.

Life is a lot more crowded these days so good manners and patience are key.

What was the tonne of abuse the pregnant woman on the train received?

Yes I suppose it depends on how it is said. If someone said excuse me in a tone I would be a bit taken aback and annoyed, otherwise it wouldn’t bother me. I would rather someone say excuse me then walk right up my backside and expect me to move! In that instance I actually thing saying excuse me is the most polite thing to do.

edited to add that I think it’s really sweet that your little boy (at 4!) said excuse me! That’s on the adult being annoyed that’s not his fault.

I usually say please and thank you a lot but for some reason I naturally just excuse me on its own (no idea why) and a couple of times I’ve said excuse me to someone (when standing blocking an aisle on tube or supermarket) and they have got annoyed and said excuse me PLEASE in a very aggressive manner. So now I do try and make the effort to say please with it as it clearly does bother people without the please. I do more often just say ‘sorry can I get past, thanks’

I don’t think it’s the words. It’s a general lack of respect and taking offence extremely easily. A kind of ‘how dare you ask me to do something’ attitude. An increasing number of people seem to feel they should never be inconvenienced or expected to consider others.

😂😂

My experience is that a lot of people now don't say " excuse me".

They will do things like reaching right infront of me to get something off a supermarket shelf without saying anything at all. And sometimes doing it with no warning so I actually get taken by surprise when an arm appears inches from my face ( I'm quite small).

Or else I'll see people hanging back or standing waiting to get past someone because they don't seem to understand the etiquette of saying " excuse me" to allow the person/ people in front to let them past.

It's all part of the total break down of manners and civility of every day life.
So to hear you get angry reactions doesn't surprise me at all OP.

Fwiw I always say " excuse me please" or " could you excuse me please while I just reach for/ while I just get past"or similar as the occasion arises.

If you say ‘excuse me, please’ it’s a lot more polite. I find ‘excuse me’ with no please to be a bit rude since you could easily add the word please

If you say "Excuse me" and then add "I think I'm going to be sick" . You will find people tend to move out of the way pretty sharpish.

I use differing tones depending on whether I mean “would you mind getting out of the way please” or “stop walking 4 abreast on the pavement you idiots”

Me too! I say sorry a lot 🤣

Excuse me please is polite. Excuse me sounds rude.

I think it makes people feel they're an inconvenience because they're in your way, going too slow for you, or when it's used to interrupt, that you think what you have to say is more important than what they do. So I think it does carry the risk of rubbing people up the wrong way. Especially as its often delivered in a rather brusque and demanding tone by people who ARE impatient with you. I tend to go for a little softener "Excuse me, would you mind...?" Or use "Sorry, could I interupt/get past please"

Why does MN automatically assume all teachers are living saints who are never in the wrong?

Agree with pp, add a please to it. Excuse me can sound like a command rather than a request without it. I think the key is, is there an exclamation mark tone to it?

My tone is the first but my inner voice is the second 😁

I apologised to a door last week.

🤣🤣

I dont know OP but I've noticed the last few years how hardly anyone seems to say excuse me anymore!

They either just rudely push in front of you or stand there gormlessly, and then start glaring or tutting because you don't have eyes in the back of your head and realise that they're there.

Just use your words!

I don’t think I ever say excuse me, I tend to say ‘sorry, can I just get past you please’.

Theres a healthy amount of sorry and pleases in there which is why I probably have never had an issue lol. I think if I just said excuse me, no matter the tone, it wouldn’t have the same effect. Is daft though as people say excuse me to me and I don’t t take offence at all and usually apologise whilst moving out their way as for someone to say that generally you are at fault as it were. I just thing society just gets triggered so easily these days as so many people seem to have a chip on their shoulder.

Can't say I've noticed this but there are times when it would be rude to say it e.g. if someone is stood in the train aisle putting their bags overhead, then saying excuse me because you want to get past is just impatient.

Like the example a PP gave about someone saying excuse me because they want to get to the item that you are looking at...just wait your turn