Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby name remorse

106 replies

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 00:03

I have name remorse for my 8 week old baby. Quite severely. Husband is being largely unsupportive. AIBU to expect that he would support my feelings and want to change it?

OP posts:
LimeNachos · 29/10/2025 19:57

I was sad about my first baby’s name for a bit (even though her name is beautiful), she is 9 now and is very much her name! It’s only occurred to me today after reading your thread and another about names that my second kids first and middle name sounds like words linked to a toilet/waste. So there you go! The name is very classic though and it totally suits them thankfully 😅

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 20:03

Zempy · 29/10/2025 19:31

Just change it then?

If it was solely up to me, I would have done.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 29/10/2025 20:16

Did you ever like her name?

Luxio · 29/10/2025 20:20

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 20:03

If it was solely up to me, I would have done.

Being honest do you think if you changed her name tomorrow that you wouldn't then find another thing to worry about or focus on? As I said this really doesn't sound like it's about the name at all.

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 20:20

PinkyFlamingo · 29/10/2025 20:16

Did you ever like her name?

I think i did initially, when it was added to our list. but only really for a very short period. I started second guessing within days after naming. I thought I needed to stick with it, in case it was just hormones.

OP posts:
Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 20:26

I have always thought it would be good (if not really workable) to live with your baby for a while before finalizing their name - to see if it really feels right for them. Unfortunately calling the baby Thing 1 or Thing 2 did not go down well.

OP, are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make the perfect decision? Do you feel like you just have to put up with the choice you made? Realistically, your baby wont care at this point. Why is your DP not supportive? Does he think this is just a phase of yours? Does he not like what you want to change it to?

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 20:30

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 20:26

I have always thought it would be good (if not really workable) to live with your baby for a while before finalizing their name - to see if it really feels right for them. Unfortunately calling the baby Thing 1 or Thing 2 did not go down well.

OP, are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make the perfect decision? Do you feel like you just have to put up with the choice you made? Realistically, your baby wont care at this point. Why is your DP not supportive? Does he think this is just a phase of yours? Does he not like what you want to change it to?

Thanks.
Several reasons. Not wanting to look stupid to people and also having an attachment to the current name.
He does like the other name

OP posts:
Zempy · 29/10/2025 20:32

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 20:03

If it was solely up to me, I would have done.

I think you can just change it without the father’s permission. Do you mean you don’t feel strongly enough about it to do that?

What would he say if you just changed it?

ChikinLikin · 29/10/2025 20:32

Bribe him with sexual favours.

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 29/10/2025 20:33

I believe as long as you haven’t had your child baptised you can change their name within 6 or 12 months.

FuzzyWolf · 29/10/2025 20:39

It took me a while to get used to three of my children’s names and I wasn’t sure for a while if they were right.

Does your child have a middle name? Can you add the name you want to your child’s name? You say your husband likes the other name so adding to the existing name can be done easily enough. It’s not unusual for some people to go by their middle name and you could agree that.

Emanwenym · 29/10/2025 20:41

Not wanting to look stupid to people is not a reason to not do it. Only small minded people will think you look stupid. Unless you change the name to something dreadful, which I doubt you will.

Saharafordessert · 29/10/2025 20:45

I can understand your DHs response, I think I’d feel the same as well and just because he doesn’t agree with you doesn’t necessarily put him straight in the unsupportive category.
I do think you’re being really brave tho OP by admitting you actually hate the name. I’m just not sure where you go from here.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/10/2025 20:49

Emanwenym · 29/10/2025 20:41

Not wanting to look stupid to people is not a reason to not do it. Only small minded people will think you look stupid. Unless you change the name to something dreadful, which I doubt you will.

Exactly this. If he likes the first name, that is different, but it sounds like you would both be happy with the other name.

Pandapoop88 · 29/10/2025 20:53

Emanwenym · 29/10/2025 20:41

Not wanting to look stupid to people is not a reason to not do it. Only small minded people will think you look stupid. Unless you change the name to something dreadful, which I doubt you will.

I agree entirely, I’m someone who over-cares what other people think of me usually. When we changed DC’s name I was concerned, as was my husband, who usually doesn’t care what people think. We changed it and nobody cared, relatives preferred new name, other people we hadn’t actually announced name to and now it’s just a funny story with friends about how long it took us to choose a name we were happy with. If you don’t like it now, don’t let others opinions stop you from changing it.

Greggsit · 29/10/2025 20:58

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 29/10/2025 20:33

I believe as long as you haven’t had your child baptised you can change their name within 6 or 12 months.

A baptism has absolutely no legal standing whatsoever. It's purely religious. It has no bearing on whether a name can be changed or not.

NameChancey · 29/10/2025 21:06

I had a similar issue OP and I didn’t change it. Almost 3 years later I still don’t love his name but I feel more positive about it.

I am not going to say the name but it is one that is generally liked on Mumsnet. It’s a real biblical name but not an overly common one. I thought it would fit in to the “underused but everyone has heard of it” category but sadly not:

It gets mispronounced quite often and people grimace at it. I’d say half of the people we meet love it and the other half openly make negative comments. There are no negative connotations but in our quite working class area it maybe comes across as “too much” or like we are trying to be fancy.

The main reason I didn’t want to change it was that I was simply embarrassed to. I liked the name and picked it while pregnant but told nobody.

When he was born and we revealed it, a lot of family went very quiet. My mum didn’t openly say so but it was clear she hated it. I offered a nickname to make it a bit more palatable but I still use his full name. People have clung on so tightly to his nickname that they even try to correct me when I say his full name so now I wish I’d not introduced the nickname.

I couldn’t bare to change it and “admit” that we had chosen a bad name, and then have to listen to everyone tell us how relieved they were because they hated it and how they’re much happier he has a normal name.

I think it’s that deep down I do like the name and if we still lived in a more international city like where we spent our 20s, nobody would even bat an eyelid. (It’s not a particularly “foreign” name but it’s perhaps used more often in other countries).

The amusing thing is, the half of people who love his name are absolutely baffled when we tell them about the negative reactions we get and insist it’s a very normal name.

Using his full name regularly has helped me as I have kind of got used to it and he likes it. It’s obviously too late to change it now but I am still regretful overall. I myself grew up with a “three in every class” kind of name and I wonder if I should have just given him a top 10 name.

Another thing that’s helped me is realising that - although in one way naming a child is a massive decision - names are not really that big of a deal overall.

i used to teach and every year I’d come across names I’ve never heard of and would struggle to pronounce at first but by the end of the first week, I had mastered it and never never again thought any more of it. I would see unusual names (imagine “Prince” or “Baby” or “Rain”) and while I may have noted them with a minor eyebrow raise when I lay eyes on them, soon they would become normal to me and I’d forget they weren’t common names. Then I’d be chatting to next years teacher about them and I’d see a minor eyebrow raise and think “oh yeah. I forgot that “Nettle” isn't a common name. Names are just names and you associate them with the person.

When I think of people I work with and have worked with, especially in offices abroad, there are so many names that are way “weirder” than what I’ve named my child but nobody thinks anything of it. It’s just their name. Pretty much everyone just wants to make sure they say it right then moves on and never thinks of it again.

It feels bigger in my head because I am so sensitive to everyone’s reactions but I think people struggle to mind their own business when it comes to babies and toddlers. As an adult, people will just accept it and not spend more than a split second thinking of it. I also think people usually grow into their names.

Personally I do kind of wish I’d changed it but there was also no other name I loved that seemed to fit him. He does have a very common middle name so he can always use that one day if he hates it when he grows up.

Bushmillsbabe · 29/10/2025 21:08

We had same, sort of. We had been told we were having a boy, so picked a boys name. Had debated girls names earlier on but not in any depth. After 3 days of labour DD2 was born, and we picked the girl version of the boys name we had chosen. And I was determined it didn't suit her and considered changing it, DH felt strongly it was her name. And she has grown into it, giving herself a nickname version of it which absolutely suits her, to the point it's the only thing she is called and it's her registered name at school.

missymousey · 29/10/2025 21:20

I understand where you're coming from, it's not crazy at all. I agreed to my DDs name because I quite liked it and DH was sure about it. For her first few years I wished I'd argued more for my choice. It never felt like it fitted her. She's 6 now and I've made my peace with it, it's just her name. DH has never had any doubts. She's not that keen on it but she's very imaginative and regularly invents new names for herself anyway.

SamPoodle123 · 29/10/2025 21:26

I had this w my eldest briefly and wondered if another name would suit her better. Her name is lovely and it passed.

WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 21:28

Zempy · 29/10/2025 20:32

I think you can just change it without the father’s permission. Do you mean you don’t feel strongly enough about it to do that?

What would he say if you just changed it?

Nope you can't in the UK. We are married.
And I would never, ever, ever do that. That wouldn't be fair, knowing how he feels.

OP posts:
WantingSomeAdviceOnLife · 29/10/2025 21:28

Aluna · 29/10/2025 17:56

I agree with the PP check this isn’t some other anxiety and when this is resolved it’s replaced with another worry which can sometimes happen with PNA/PND I think

I agree with this. Broadly there’s 2 kind of name regrets: PND induced anxiety that fixates on the name being wrong; and non PND genuine dislike often linked to not having advocated enough for their view at the time.

I think this is the latter, tbh.

OP posts:
DoubleDuvet · 29/10/2025 21:31

We gave a dc a name that has a few established/common nicknames and I only realised I had a strong aversion to one of them once we announced the name.

I made a very clear and firm beeline for my preferred nn and it stuck and has never ever been an issue since she was able to correct people herself.

Think Victoria and I realised I dislike Vicky so I introduced her as and used Tori everywhere. Or Natasha and I hated Tash so I introduced her as Nattie. That kind of thing.

BreadstickBurglar · 29/10/2025 21:34

What is the name, what do you want to change it to? Presumably it’s not outing as you say it’s a very normal name. Just wondering if we can help you rethink the name.

I’m also wondering, do you think your husband knows how much this is upsetting you?

Werp · 29/10/2025 21:41

I feel for you but I don’t think it’s fair to call disagreement being ‘unsupportive’, it sounds like you just both feel strongly about this in opposite directions? I think given that you can’t really force a change, and the compromise is one of the suggestions people have made about eg finding a version of a nickname you like, and also just letting time pass and the name grow on you.