Baby name remorse

[WantingSomeAdviceOnLife]

I have name remorse for my 8 week old baby. Quite severely. Husband is being largely unsupportive. AIBU to expect that he would support my feelings and want to change it?

He basically cannot understand why I feel the way I do, and thinks I'm being ridiculous because 'it is just a name'.

When you say it was a name on the list. Who put it there? Was it one that you weren't bothered about, but your DH really liked? Is he being dismissive because he thinks he's won by getting his name choice?

It's been two months. Your husband probably thinks of your baby by their name. I understand him not wanting to change it now. It seems like no big deal to you, but after two months, that name will have attached and be 'him' or 'her'. I really don't think your husband should automatically support you in this situation. Be supportive, yes, but you're asking a lot and he's allowed to feel different.

It is a big deal to me. I wouldn't be in this predicament if it wasn't:(.
It isn't the first time I've brought it up. Was very early on actually.

I meant changing the name to something else is no big deal to you. But after two months, I think the name will have stuck for most people.

It's a big deal to change a name after 2 months though, and you had both agreed to the name and registered baby, as well as telling everyone you know. So it would be a big thing to change it. If my husband had wanted to change our baby name after 2 months, I would care about his feelings but I wouldn't want to change the name.

Call baby a nickname or a shortened version. I'm with team dh, you ve decided and registered the name , concentrate on looking after and enjoying your newborn.

I kind of had this OP. We named our DD a name we had both chosen. Called her it the whole time I was pregnant. Then once I had her and after we had registered the birth I changed my mind and wanted to call her Poppy.

DH ignored me and said it was likely hormones. We didn’t change her name but I carried on calling her Poppy for a while. Everyone else referred to her has her proper name. Eventually I stopped calling her Poppy as it just didn’t fit anymore somehow and I reverted back to her proper name.

In retrospect, I think I was just having a funny few months. I think my DH was right to ignore me and my DD loves her name.

I felt the same OP, and tbh it still crosses my mind sometimes and she’s 18mo now. It’s quite a long, formal and unfashionable name, but it is her name, and she given herself a nickname that I really like and which seems “her.”

I think choosing a name is such a big responsibility that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by it, if you’re anxious for other reasons.

Could you give us 3 or 4 names with your babies actual name the name you now prefer plus two other names and ask us to rate them 1234 .
I'm sure some of us would rate your current one No1 . It's probably just your head playing games with you .

I'm glad I'm not alone. I've questioned whether I'm just crazy, but I actually don't think it's that uncommon.

I don't think your husband has any obligation to consider changing a name that you both liked and presumably chose together. Was the "new" name on your list?

My child’s dad also refused to consider a name change. I’m guessing this is your first? I think we go through so many huge changes by becoming mothers, that this is just something we feel we can control so latch on to.

I wouldn’t change my baby’s name now. I think the feeling will pass for you too. Any nicknames you like?

Thank you, helps to know I'm not alone, and I hope the same happens to me too, in that I start to become OK with her name.

Well actually I HATE the nickname potentials :(

If it helps I had doubts about my baby's name and there were a few associations I didn't like and in time I got over it. People have more reactions when the baby is new as opposed to when they're older. Plus they grow into a person so you grow to love the name more because your connection to them grows.

But I had doubts and felt unsure, I wasn't completely put off, plus I didn't have an alternative.

I had postnatal anxiety after both my births but didn't doubt my first baby's name. I was in the middle of moving house though so that probably consumed all my anxiety.

Baby name regret/anxiety is not uncommon and I think the 2 things are linked. (Anecdotally, I’ve not performed extensive research).

Ok so that’s major. How did you end up with this choice then?

Why was this name on the list if you don’t like the nns?

Presumably DH likes it, was it his suggestion and you went along with it?

I think name uncertainty/questioning is very common, OP. I spent ages choosing a name for my first baby and it was perfect. Then once she was born, I’d catch myself looking at her and questioning it. I kept thinking of other names, worrying about nicknames - just a general uncertainty. However, as the weeks passed, those feelings completely disappeared. I love her name.

i think the name worry is a kind of stand in for general shock/life changes after a baby arrives. As for your worry about nicknames, think of the most beautiful name you can and I promise you someone will have a strange nickname for it. More than that, nicknames don’t even have to be related to the actual name. I went to school with a girl called Gabrielle* - and everyone called her Spud!!!

*not that name but similar

So I saw the name in isolation, didn't really think of the nickname potentials at all. I regret not properly mulling it over. I know it's my own fault.

Yeah it was his suggestion.

Is it something like Ottilie and you hate Ottie and Tilly?

No, but I actually like that name and those nns! I wouldn't use it though.

Don’t blame yourself, it doesn’t matter. The point is you had a baby, you chose a name in a hurry, and you don’t like it. That’s ok.

Your DH has a vested interest in telling you you’re BU because he likes the name. You need to both like it.

I don’t think it’s fair on your DH to just say he isn’t being supportive…. He gets a vote and a choice too . If my DH at 2 months had said don’t like DD’s name or nicknames let’s change it . I wouldn’t have been supportive either it’s her name… You both agreed and put it on the BC

Throw your DC’s name into ChatGPT and ask it to come up with a list of nicknames associated with that name and see if you like any that you can use

Yeah I do agree, but I suppose I can't help how I feel. Also I haven't just sprung it on him at 8 weeks. I've expressed my issue long before now but felt bad bc DH said he loves the name and I stupidly thought it was just a phase and I'd get past it.

Edit - I mean mentioned issues after we'd named DC after the birth. Not before the birth.