Moving twins into their own rooms - who gets the bigger room?

[BalletLallet]

I have 3 year old twin girls. Since they were born they have shared a room and it’s been lovely, however it is not working anymore. They are now in toddler beds so both spend a while after being put to bed moving back and forth between the beds, one of them wakes up in the night often and comes through to our room but in the process wakes up her sister etc. We put them to bed at 8pm tonight and only when we gave in and put one of them in the guest room did they actually fall asleep.

On that point we’ve decided it’s time to give them their own rooms. We have 4 bedrooms, all doubles. The biggest one is ours, then the next biggest is the girls room right now and the last 2 are guest rooms. We have decided we will probably give the girls the 2 smaller rooms as they are the closest in size to each other and the room they currently have is a fair bit bigger. Also since we will be losing a guest room we’d like to have both a double bed and a day bed in the guest room for when my brother his wife and their child come to stay which is pretty often.

Of the 2 smaller rooms one is a little bigger than the other, it won’t impact the amount of furniture the room will have but it will mean a slightly different layout and less floor space. I’m not really worried about floor space as we have a toy room downstairs.

Anyway the debate right now is who gets the bigger room. It really doesn’t make a difference as their needs at this stage are the exact same and I’m not even sure they would notice let alone care but DH is in a panic about making it fair. I’m inclined to say we just pick and then the next time we redo their rooms maybe in 4 or 5 years they can swap.

DH thinks we should have a system like who was born first, whose name comes first alphabetically etc. but I really hate this and again I don’t think it matters at all.

AIBU to think DH is really overthinking this!?

Have you asked them? My parents did this when I was about the same age, my brother was ready to go into his own room (2 years younger) and they said to be I could stay in my bigger room or could go into the smaller room, I chose the smaller room. If I'd chosen the bigger room it would've been fine too

Ask them each (alone so they can't hear the other's answer) which room they would prefer. If you're lucky they'll pick different rooms so it won't even be an issue.

Otherwise, flip a coin.

Yes this - this is what my mum did when we moved house.

We’ve tried this, strangely they both want the smaller of the two but that’s because that room currently has pink bedding which is both of their favourite colour. I’m not sure they are able to separate the room in its current state from what it will be when it’s their room.

Flip a coin.

DH is massively overthinking it.

Could you fit an unusual seat (or something fun) in the smaller room so you can tell them one has a bigger room, one has the fun seat?
Then see if they choose between them and if not flip a coin.

Is one room quieter? For instance, is one room next to the shower? We put our better sleeper in the room next to the bathroom because we knew he wouldn't be disturbed by any noise.

Don’t ask them! Clear both rooms out and bring each twin into a room, tell them it’s theirs and ask them what they’d like in it. Flip a coin with your DP if you have to, but do not involve the children in this. You are projecting your own issues onto this, the kids are too young to notice any difference in size. You need to get over each having exactly the same all their life or you’re setting yourself up for issues!
(Mum of twins)

My understanding is that with all twins there is a good one and an evil one. I suggest giving the bigger room to the evil one to try and keep them happy.

Just assign the rooms and ask them how they want to decorate their space, what bed sheets they want. Plenty of times of years to come to squabble over footage.

🤣🤣

Flip a coin, that's the fairest way. They may not care now but could do when they get older.
Who was born first, or whose name comes first in the alphabet is a ridiculous idea.

Hm my evil twin seems to change by the day 🤣 One day one of them is an angel the other is menace the next day they swap roles. More often than not they just do both in the same day. Maybe my twins missed the memo!

I agree completely with this.

By asking them you're just putting the idea in their heads that one is better than the other. Making drama where there doesn't need to be any.

Your husband is being weird. And of course you must not ask them, they're three, they don't get any say in which room they are put in and could not possibly even understand the implications 😅

Toss a coin.

Tell DH he's right ' after careful consideration you think the eldest should have the biggest room. (If it shuts him up if doesn't matter that it's bonkers 🤣🤣).

Then put pink bedding in both rooms & tell the girls they each got the room they wanted.

order yourself some cocktails!!

Bless DH I think he’s just absolutely terrified of there ever being a suggestion that we have a favourite. When we went on holiday this year both DH and I ended up taking middle seats on the plane with two strangers in the aisle seats and the girls in the window seats just to make sure it was fair! I try to just let him do what he wants in terms of making it fair but sometimes it’s an absolute nightmare.

Flip a coin..dh is massively overthinking. They are 3, they don't give a shit.

This is just what I was going to say. It doesn't matter who gets which room does it? You are both over thinking it tbh.

How do you guys manage who gets the first happy birthday song and blowing out candles? This was a big thing in my house with my twins, we had an annual rotation. Then a very firm chat each year to reiterate that whoever was going second was not allowed blow the first candles and vice versa. The unique dilemmas of being a twin parent!!

Ohhh we’ve only really had this at their last birthday. We had a party for them and did one girl first then, with their main cakes. Then on their birthday we had some family over and MIL had made them little mini cakes so we swapped it. Didn’t have the issue of one trying to blow out the others candles as for the whole thing at the party one parent was holding the girl who was blowing out candles, the other girl was stood down on the floor.
However I’m well aware this is about to become a very contentious issue on future birthdays.

Growing up my sibling and I had vastly different sized rooms. It never mattered. We played in both and life was good. It won’t matter until they’re in their teens so fret not for now!

By saying the one who was born a minute earlier gets priority he is showing favour to her.

They're individuals, you can't make everything "fair" by which he means giving them exactly the same.

What if one of them wants pony lessons when she turns 7 and the other one just likes reading library books and penci drawing? He'll have to put the exact same amount of money into a bank account for the one who doesn't get the pony lessons. But wait, that means she will have money the other won't have, earning interest. How unfair.

He sounds weirdly fixated and annoying on this topic. It's only going to get worse as they grow up if he insists on seeing them as a blob who must be treated exactly the same as one another, no matter what.

Fairness doesn't mean everyone gets the same, it means everyone's needs are met.

If my kids ask who my favourite is, I say the dog, he's very cute and fluffy. Id' put pink bedding in both and ask them to decide.

I'd do what you suggested and swap every few years

Our house is a 3 bed, we have 2 doubles and one box. The box is tiny. Every 2 years or so I swap the DC's rooms around so they each get time in a big room