Moving twins into their own rooms - who gets the bigger room?

[BalletLallet]

I have 3 year old twin girls. Since they were born they have shared a room and it’s been lovely, however it is not working anymore. They are now in toddler beds so both spend a while after being put to bed moving back and forth between the beds, one of them wakes up in the night often and comes through to our room but in the process wakes up her sister etc. We put them to bed at 8pm tonight and only when we gave in and put one of them in the guest room did they actually fall asleep.

On that point we’ve decided it’s time to give them their own rooms. We have 4 bedrooms, all doubles. The biggest one is ours, then the next biggest is the girls room right now and the last 2 are guest rooms. We have decided we will probably give the girls the 2 smaller rooms as they are the closest in size to each other and the room they currently have is a fair bit bigger. Also since we will be losing a guest room we’d like to have both a double bed and a day bed in the guest room for when my brother his wife and their child come to stay which is pretty often.

Of the 2 smaller rooms one is a little bigger than the other, it won’t impact the amount of furniture the room will have but it will mean a slightly different layout and less floor space. I’m not really worried about floor space as we have a toy room downstairs.

Anyway the debate right now is who gets the bigger room. It really doesn’t make a difference as their needs at this stage are the exact same and I’m not even sure they would notice let alone care but DH is in a panic about making it fair. I’m inclined to say we just pick and then the next time we redo their rooms maybe in 4 or 5 years they can swap.

DH thinks we should have a system like who was born first, whose name comes first alphabetically etc. but I really hate this and again I don’t think it matters at all.

AIBU to think DH is really overthinking this!?

Two cakes, but one rendition of Happy Birthday with both blowing out candles at the same time.

These kids are on course to be the most demanding entitled madams ever. You are teaching them that taking turns and sharing is not important because it is their birth right to have exactly the same as the other at exactly the same time. Your DH sounds pathetic too.

Flip a coin

I shared a room with my twin brother until we were 5 and then we got our own bedrooms. We got to choose our bedrooms, my brother wasn't bothered and I chose the big room and that was out bedrooms until we left home.

Honestly it was fine, my brother wasn't traumatised or resentful at having the smaller room (don't think he gave a shit to be honest) and we certainly didn't go through the hassle of swapping bedrooms! Your DH is massively overthinking this!

I can't believe the seperate cake thing either. I genuinely couldn't tell you if me and my brother had seperate birthday cakes on our birthdays, that's how such a non-issue it was. We did do our seperate things mainly for our birthdays as we got older!

The aeroplane thing sounds a bit OTT to me. Flights are usually both ways. We get one window seat between us (3+1 across the aisle) and one child has it flying out, and the other flying back. That is perfectly fair.

I'd be careful of your DH making it so obvious that he's terrified to be seen as unfair to one child. It won't be long before they pick up on that and could, very sensibly, use it to their advantage to get him to cave on many things.

My friend had twins in bunks. In the end she gave up and bought a double bed for them to sleep in as they would spend all their time swopping between the beds. She said they slept so much better as then there was no choice.

Three year olds don't get to decide . Do the rooms up and then tell each which is theirs .

What nonsense! I’ve known at least four pairs of twins since childhood. The three sets of girl twins were delightful as were the girl/boy twins. However, the boy twins were both fucking nightmares, yet their older brother was fine

Can they even tell one room is a big bigger though, sounds to me like their decision thus far has been based on the pink colour.

Try not to bring adult thinking into this.
Strip both rooms and paint them the same colour.

Buy matching beds and furniture.
Put a desk in each.

Then they get to choose duvets, cushions, lamps etc.

This is where they'll totally understand yep my space your space.

Sounds fun to me, if you see it like that too they'll get involved.

I also agree with @rv24. Then, if it ever comes up when they're older, I would just say that we asked you both and you both picked that room so I don't know why you are complaining to me.

As a twin my bedroom was probably half the size of my sisters and it never came up as an issue ever.

I very strongly advocate for separate birthday cakes. However my mum used to always decorate them so it was very important to get a say in the colour and design. Most guest provided gifts to share and it was nice to have something just for me.

I had a same age foster sister. We shared initially & then separated.
We swapped rooms often. A change was nice. My parents left us to it.

This the a good solution, but be prepared to swap round every few years if needed. And let them know when they are older and ask how you allocated, that you did it fairly on fllipping the coin.

We gave the child who needed more space- has lego trains and loves craft etc, the bigger room. Do they have the same interests and needs?

Could your DH be projecting something that happened to him as a child around, " fairness" onto his children? Maybe he needs to consider why this is such a big deal to him.

Setting up the children to expect fairness isn't actually helpful, equality isn't the same as equity and life isn't always fair. Just assign each twin a room and get them involved in choosing decor.

Just draw straws or flip a coin.
I think there is a bit of overthinking going on here!

This.

It distances it from being personal. If they aren't happy after the flip, then say you'll swap, at some point.

Fair is really an odd concept. Your husband's arbitrary concept of fairness, isn't fair...in my opinion!

If all are doubles then All are good sizes

What’s the diff in size ? Floorplan ?

they will prob end up sharing the bed on one room anyway - friends twins do that

cake each for birthday and blow own candles out

You poor naive little darling. The evil one often just hides it well. Either that or you are an evil twin trying to throw people off the scent.

DFOD

My twins never wanted a separate room when older they said it was like having a sleep over with your best friend every night. Still do and are in their 20s.

In which you’re overthinking it as they don’t care.

My DC weren’t bothered about room sizes when we split them and one has always had the bigger room. Even as teenagers it has not been an issue.

Just make each of their rooms lovely and personalised and they’ll each think they have the best room.

If they both like the same colours. Decorate them the same. Take them out to pick some pictures or things for walls.

Then toss a coin