Moving twins into their own rooms - who gets the bigger room?

[BalletLallet]

I have 3 year old twin girls. Since they were born they have shared a room and it’s been lovely, however it is not working anymore. They are now in toddler beds so both spend a while after being put to bed moving back and forth between the beds, one of them wakes up in the night often and comes through to our room but in the process wakes up her sister etc. We put them to bed at 8pm tonight and only when we gave in and put one of them in the guest room did they actually fall asleep.

On that point we’ve decided it’s time to give them their own rooms. We have 4 bedrooms, all doubles. The biggest one is ours, then the next biggest is the girls room right now and the last 2 are guest rooms. We have decided we will probably give the girls the 2 smaller rooms as they are the closest in size to each other and the room they currently have is a fair bit bigger. Also since we will be losing a guest room we’d like to have both a double bed and a day bed in the guest room for when my brother his wife and their child come to stay which is pretty often.

Of the 2 smaller rooms one is a little bigger than the other, it won’t impact the amount of furniture the room will have but it will mean a slightly different layout and less floor space. I’m not really worried about floor space as we have a toy room downstairs.

Anyway the debate right now is who gets the bigger room. It really doesn’t make a difference as their needs at this stage are the exact same and I’m not even sure they would notice let alone care but DH is in a panic about making it fair. I’m inclined to say we just pick and then the next time we redo their rooms maybe in 4 or 5 years they can swap.

DH thinks we should have a system like who was born first, whose name comes first alphabetically etc. but I really hate this and again I don’t think it matters at all.

AIBU to think DH is really overthinking this!?

We were in the same situation at 5 when we moved house. Randomly assigned rooms based on whose toys would fit best in each one (one had lots of dressing up stuff so got the one with fitted wardrobes other had loats of lefonstuff so we got new table etc for that).. have never swapped, they are now 12 and still do not care! Don't over think it (annual rotation for happy birthday both own cakes twin 1 odd number years twin 2 even number years)

We don't have twins but we try to even it up in other ways. One gets the bigger room, the other gets the cool cabin bed, or a play tent or something.

I’m a twin mum. I read an article once in a twin publication about how some twin parents can become so obsessed with fairness that this rubs off on the children and then their whole lives become about analysing fairness. In our family we worked hard on seeing them as complete individuals. We don’t use the word ‘twin’, they don’t know who was born first. We just try and meet their individual needs.

When we had to split our twins up I had to put one child in the basement room and one to stay upstairs. I put the more mature one in the basement as she could cope better away from the rest of us. They both got to decorate their rooms and were very happy. They didn’t even notice one room was bigger.

If I were in your shoes, I would try and stop overanalysing fairness before it becomes a thing for the children and makes everyone miserable. Celebrate difference instead.

Op id put the one who gets up in the quietest room, is one room at the front and one at the back of the house?
Is one closer to your room than the other?

For cakes my DTs have one each so there’s no fighting. For the larger bedroom we picked on who had the most ‘stuff’ - one is heavily into crafts and playing with select toys and doesn’t sleep, the other was a good sleeper and doesn’t do crafts/playing at bedtime.

They're 3, they won't care.

Keep furniture to a minimum for more floor space.

You're overthinking

It'll come down to something completely random, like which room is nearest the stairs or something

🤣🤣🤣

in all seriousness then, your going to have to explain the 'life isn't fair' & it won't be 100% equal with everything. So long as they both get 'the best' one/bit/thing sometimes it'll be fine.

in future don't ask the girls, just be the adult & tell them. As they get older the one not getting gge thing they both CHOSE will become an issue WHEREAS if they'd just been given one each, they probably wouldn't have even thought about it! Don't set yourselves up for so much comparison!!

What size beds are you planning to put in for them?

Twin family here!

Draw straws.

Take them shopping for "decor" and they will likely car more about that then whether one is slightly larger.

DH is overthinking and creating needless drama. Pick a name out of a hat. At three they won't care!

We had a similar situation - DSs (not twins) moved out of the now guest room into their own rooms and they chose (one liked the view over the lawn and the other is on the north side but had a better view. Both still prefer those rooms 10 years later and their furniture and stuff is so different you can't really tell which is the slightly bigger room

Also you could have some slightly cleverer storage for the smaller room? Eg headboard with shelves or something?

Don’t ask them! What if they say the same one. I have twins too and they are still sharing at 5, but do technically have a room each. I would just decide who gets which room and decorate both as they wish.

NB if they are double rooms I'd definitely go straight for the double beds. We had cots, then cot beds, then single beds in their own rooms - I really don't know why we wasted our money as the singles were only used for about 4 years before going to doubles (plus all the bedding, mattress protectors etc!)

I was thinking that if OP was going to double beds she could put a small double in the smaller room to give a little bit more floor space. Both of my (now adult) kids have small doubles which are the same size as you get in most uni halls and you can barely tell the difference by sight. So it might even the room space up a bit.

Bless your DH for trying so hard to be fair. But honestly the rooms here are not the issue.
He seems petrified of making a mistake. Where's that coming from? Does he need to give himself permission to not give them the same thing at the same moment and step back and take a more holistic view? Is he dealing with negative thoughts (liking one less than the other) and over compensating?
Honestly I'd think about a few sessions of counselling for you both as a clear space to think about your parenting as they move out of the teeny tiny era. To boost his confidence.
This is such a little thing and he's in agonies of indecision and looking for a logical solution that's imposed on him. Such a fear of failure and being held to account.
Flip a coin for the rooms. Get matching bedding. And book a therapist.

Give the big room to your favourite.

As a twin myself and it may be different for yours but my parents did this and split us up. We flipped a coin as both chose the same room and were told we could swap in the future. By the third night we were both in the same room in the same bed 😂 so they tried for a few weeks and gave up and put us back together. My poor parents.

are your twins inseparable? Similar personalities? Like the same decorations? Like the same activities? Because if that’s the case like me and my twin then you may be putting them back in the same room quite soon. If they are different personalities, likes, colour schemes etc then this may well work

My twins often ended up sharing anyway. I’d go and check and they’d be snuggled together. When they were bigger they’d pull out the little trundle bed from underneath. They are ten now and share most nights in one room or the other. They use the rooms for different things so practice music in one room as have electric piano set up there but read in the other. I read the riot act when they abandon messy bedroom for the clean one. Then I get but it’s not my room 🙄.

You have just described my childhood. Me and my twin did the same. We would play in one room then go into the other to sleep and then say ‘it’s not my room’ 😂 ahh great memories for us not so much my parents

I think it’s actually quite sweet. They do bicker but they’ve got a really nice bond. No matter what happens I know they’ll have each others backs.

Sounds like the rooms arent vastly different in size. I actually don't think they will notice much at this age. If the rooms are done out with their personal tastes and all their stuff. Just flip a coin.
In the future if one complains you can swap them over. They might never ask to swap anyway.

Literally just pick. This is the biggest non-issue. Get nice bedding for both and signs for their doors with names on. They will only care (or notice) if someone else keeps pointing out.