Asking guests to pay £50 for a birthday lunch?

[birthdayquandary]

I'm trying to decide if this WBU... I've namechanged as it may be outing.

I have a big birthday coming up. It is at a crap/ difficult time of year which means historically I've very rarely celebrated on the day with friends. This coming birthday it happens to be on a Saturday and I'd like to celebrate it. However, given crap time of year obvious things like hosting a party at home/ in the garden or even an evening party aren't an option.

What I'd like to do is 'host' a big lunch (up to 40ish people) in a private room at a nice hotel that does great food. Then people who want to stay over can and those who don't have time to get home (my friends live in various locations, all within about an hour of where I'm hoping to have party). I love a big, cosy lunch with friends and this is how I'd love to celebrate my birthday. However, I can't afford to pay for the whole thing. It's looking like it'd be at least £50ph for food, plus drinks and possibly a 'room charge'. I can cover some of the cost, but not all of it. Would IBU to ask people to pay £50ph to cover their food, and then I cover the booze, service charge, room charge, etc?

The only friends who've hosted big meals like this for birthdays have been able to afford to pay for the whole thing. Everyone else I know who has held a party has done an evening thing at home or out in a bar (where they either have or haven't covered all or some of the cost). I can't host the lunch at home because I don't have enough space, and also don't want to be cooking or cleaning up on my birthday.

What do you think? Is it gauche (or plain cheeky) to ask people to stump up £50 (or thereabouts)? I think it probably is, but given the particularly crap date of my birthday a lunch thing is really the only option...

Book a local hall, ask people to bring a dish for a large pot luck and you bring all of the drinks - shouldn't set you back more than what £3-400 people or 8 of the places you were going to charge for. Put table clothes on tables and Voila!

No - you can’t afford to entertain in this way so don’t do it. I earn a good salary but would decline an invitation like this.
We had a family member‘s big birthday recently and hosted a ‘nice’ buffet lunch with champagne and drinks at home for 30 people. All inside . The cost was around £800 for food drinks decorations tidying up the house and garden .

You have enough money to host a really lovely celebration. Everyone pitched in with the clean up so was fine. With your budget you could afford to have a catered buffet and even staff to serve/ clean up. Or the buffet in a pub that was suggested - also a great idea.

Alternatively have a small celebration now and a big party at home in the summer .

She wants to host an expensive event for her birthday.
She's asking people to pay for her event.
I don't think you plan something, invite people, then charge them. It's very presumptuous.

Yes, this is what will happen.

Birthday bash = host arranges and pays for event.

I am sure the guests will bring you gifts but yeah.

Say your birthday is on the 2nd January… host the party on the 2nd June… exactly 6 months later and much more likely to have sunnier weather, could rent a hall with space, bbq etc. Just an idea? :)

I think it's the private room that is changing the vibe for a lot of people and making it sound more like a party.

I'm really not getting all the comments on here. In my circle (both family and friends), it's perfectly normal to pay for your own meal if you go out for someone's birthday or anniversary. No one I know would even give it a second thought. We'd usually buy everyone their first drink or some wine for the table or something like that. Obviously, from reading all the comments on here, that's not the norm for many people though.

No, for the sort of event you’re describing you can’t ask people to pay. You could if it was much less formal eg “I’m celebrating my birthday at the Dog & Duck on Saturday- would be lovely to see you!” Rather than a sit down meal.

Maybe invite fewer people?

I don’t get the shit date bit. Lots of people have winter birthdays

I’m amazed at all the people saying you can’t ask friends to pay for their own lunch? Never have I been for a meal for a friend’s bday and they have paid the whole bill!! We always pay for our own meals.

£50 seems an awful lot for lunch when it doesn't even include drink. Surely you could host yourself for a fifth of that

This seems to be a modern trend. People want bigger and better celebrations these days even if they can’t afford it. They just expect others to pay for it. OP if your birthday is near Christmas, most people will not have any spare cash or feel like celebrating. Have a big celebration in the summer.

tbh i actually think it's fine.
i went to a 40th at a restaurant and the host covered transport there and back, and when the bill came we split it (covering her cost as well). It was her birthday and we wanted to treat her!

No, op you can’t do this. Throw a party within your means.

I would find it cheeky. Also at this time of year many people are struggling financially in the run up to Christmas.

Could you not go for a meal at a restaurant? We always pay our own meal when it’s a friends birthday if we go out for it.

Depending on the friends financial circumstances paying £50 for a meal (then drinks if OP doesn't cover this) is a lot. If it was at a local pub/restaurant it is likely there would be more budget friendly options so I would be able to choose something cheaper. At a hotel it's more likely to be a set menu with less choice and more fancy, which is what the OP wants, but may be more restrictive to her guests.
Although I also guess it depends where you live and what the costs of going out usually would be!

Yes, but did you get to choose what you ate? This sounds like fixed menu, mass catering level kind of food, so 3 meal choices. Chicken/beef/vegan(for veggies and vegans) can't imagine will be special.
Def sounds like a 'doing it for the likes on insta' type event.

No, with 40 people then it’s a party and you don’t charge people to attend parties. Certainly not £50 a head.

Going with a few friends to a restaurant, it can go either way with you paying for them or not. But in that scenario, they’re getting to choose their own food and it’s a small group so they actually get to spend time talking to you.

OP I think if you booked a table in a restaurant for dinner/lunch then it's absolutely reasonable for everyone to pay for their own but if it's more of a private event/party then the expectation is that the host pays. I know it shouldn't matte, either way people are paying for their food and drink but people can be funny about these things and might only want to pay for exactly what they got and might not drink alcohol.

I would be happy to pay for my own meal. Always have done. Maybe would want something a bit cheaper though, or al la carte so I can control costs.

We were invited out for a family birthday meal, we drank soft drinks, mostly everyone else had cocktails, beers , wine etc, we had our food and at the end we were asked for £50! This should have been agreed before hand.

if it had been my family I would have spoken up and said we were only paying for our own food and drink but as it was dh’s , he didn’t want to speak up so we paid it.

wont be going out with them all again. If I invite people out for birthday dinner hen I expect to pay for everyone,

With 1500 and 25 people, wouldn't you be able to cover the lunch?
Have your lazy lunch and let people go back the way they want to. Why keep them overnight after a lunch?

Blimey! Some people have a nerve! I think that's what they call champagne taste on beer money.

I'm afraid I agree. Do it pot luck maybe?