Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

[ConservativeC2]

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

I am now in my late 50s. I had a much better life than the generation prior. I have had a good professional career and real opportunities. I have endured enormous and sometimes very aggressive sexism along the way, but trust me it is much better today than it was. In the street I grow up in many women were locked into marriages with no escape route and their only option was wife and mother. Domestic violence was rife. I would express surprise that things have not moved faster and that in 2025 we still have massive gender pay gaps and that society reinforces expectations that caring (children and parents), is a job for women. To make further progress, we need to make sure that the role of men is clearer. In Sweden for example, paternity leave is more generous, but has to be shared. So that from the time a child is born, there is a clear expectation that both parents play as far as possible an equal role in childcare. We need more of this mindset.

While I share your concerns about the above, this is the work of a niche, but bizarrely effective, men's rights movement, and is no way connected with feminism as i understand it.
I also don't think its true, or fair to the women who went snd suffered before us to suggest this is the first time we have been dehumanised, stripped of our dignity, disenfranchised. We have literally been chattels with no vote, no voice, no property and no rights. We have been beaten, raped and burned alive sanctioned by church and state. Due to feminism, even before we had a word for it, women have fought to progress our rights, and have improved the world for each generation.
The issues you list are a backward step but (due again to the work of feminists) the tide is turning. This is a thread by a woman blaming feminism for her life being worse than that of previous generations. If it weren't for feminism, the lives of women as a sex class would be worse in every way, and the issues you raise would have continued unchecked.
If this movement had to gain support, I'm thankful it happened now when we have more power to challenge it than in the 50s or 70s when we had so much less.

I’d love to know how you manage a middle class lifestyle as a stay-at-home mum with kids with your DH on a £45k salary alone! I can only assume that your mortgage costs are low because you have significant equity in your house, and are generally very frugal in your living expenses.

Its your fault only that you let him get away with it, and dont do anything about it when it happens Its your fault that you put up with it.

You dont have to.

Read your own post! You've had to increase your working hours because of the rising costs of living. I understand that you're burnt out and I sympathise but I do not understand how you can write a post where you literally say "I have to work more than I can ideally manage because my money doesn't go as far as it did" and then leap to "because of feminism"?

And then read the posts of those of us with experience of earlier times who are telling you that even when the social ideal was that women did not work, many women had to, because of the cost of living, despite having no legal right to the money they earned.

You have that right because of feminism, because of what women fought for and risked everything for, and you want to take it back to the shop because it hasn't enabled you to have everything you want without doing any work.

My God this thread is depressing

I’m a Boomer and I worked through the child rearing years - without all modern conveniences. 🙄

And, women, working it not, did all the housework etc (generally).

I had very few rights at work and was paid less than men. I had to leave my banking job when I had my first child. I was asked, at most interviews, if I intended to have any more children - they didn’t like employing women of child bearing age.

I couldn’t get a bank loan without my husband co signing.

I couldn’t get the Pill until I was married.

With respect, OP, you really don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve got more rights and choices than I ever had. 🤷‍♀️

I am glad that I live in a world where women can work and be in senior positions of responsibility like MPs, judges, CEOs, hospital consultants etc. I am sorry that you don’t like that OP.

My parents divorced in the 1980s, he paid nothing ( 4 kids from 8 to 16)

Yeah, blame the victim, it's so incredibly feminist 😁

Thing is, if you work it gives you options. So you are far less likely to need to put up with a man who doesn't fairly share things like childcare and housework. I absolutely would.not tolerate it. I've been married twice 😀

I think the question you should really be asking OP is are you prepared to take a massive gamble that the man you became completely dependent upon would treat you well and fairly? That he'd allow you to input into decisions, share his money with you, only make reasonable demands, and never tire of you, cheat on you or otherwise become intolerable to you. Because given a lot of these complaints are from women who can't get their husband's to run the hoover round or put the dinner on, the odds of finding your prince are not that great.

But you are comparing apples and oranges. People of the past didn’t have two cars and 3 bed houses and holidays. They had lives where all they did was work and take care of kids (and man down the pub). And most family of past generations all helped raise kids together as a larger family or community.

feminism isn’t just about being a SAHM and being comfortable, it’s about choice.

i choose to work because i love contributing and it gives me a sense of financial freedom and ‘power’. I even opt to go to the office everyday because i want to. And because we want a 4 bed house, two cars and a couple of holidays a year, nice things and kids with lots of extra curricular activities (this is what we choose are our priorities so we both work to earn enough to fulfil this).

i have 3 DC. They are happy well rounded and I hope they find careers that they enjoy too.

women have so much more these days and I would never want to go back to being tied to a man for life, when being assaulted (ok not all but frequent power over women was normalised) and when sex in a marriage was expected and taken by men and women had little power.

where we are able to co habit or be single women and not sneered at or found immoral.

where we can get mortgages and vote and have similar (not all there is still far to go) as men.

I am a millennial and feel so lucky to be in a society where women are listened too and respected more (still not there), where we are standing beside each other and objecting to being objects and to bad sex and to doing all the household chores.

if you are with men that don’t wash up, cook, clean, school pickups etc etc then you are with the wrong man.

im currently on my way to the office whilst my husband is vacuuming the upstairs and getting ready to take the kids to their friends for the day.

we split or ‘chores’ equally in the home. He is better at ironing and cooking and putting the bins out and DIY, I am better at cleaning and organising the kids schedules (and organising general life admin).

he works from home and I will come home tonight to a chilli that he is making on his lunch break in the slow cooker (his choice to do so).

i can’t imagine a world where I am as a woman working full time and doing full time child duties and cooking, cleaning etc.

your view is mostly about crap men and the cost of living increasing not about feminism ‘not working’.

I think you are living in a bit of a bubble.

22% of UK households don’t have a car at all
44% are one car households.

So 2/3 of the population manage without a car each.

Close to half the population live in flats or terrace houses, which are generally cheaper options than a 3 bed semi.

I agree that for women marrying men working in some professions they would have been better off financially, as a family, if wages for those professions had remained higher relative to average. That’s not the same thing at all as women generally being worse off. We have a lot more choice now than we did 50 years ago (& a lot more choice then than prior generations). Things are far from perfect but the idea women generally didn’t work and lived lovely, comfortable lives that were easier isn’t a realistic one. It will be true for some women but for many more they had a much harder time in past generations.

There are still places in the UK where you can buy a house (with a mortgage) on an average single salary and support a family. There are a lot less of those places now than there were 20 years ago but they exist.
As an example this is a 3 bed terrance on sale near my parents in a nice enough area near a town centre for £90k.
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/167896361

@PomegranateVase and @ConservativeC2 - what are your information sources that you think feminism is about anything other than equality of women? And about women having the same importance, rights, freedoms, opportunities and chances as men? (And, btw, requires men to step up and pull their weight in the home). Why would any sensible person oppose that?

There are nasty, misogynistic men who think women are lesser beings and don’t like women being treated as equal. They don’t like feminism because it makes demands on men as well as women and demands equality for women. Why would you propogate their thinking?

Have you looked at the countries (huge parts of the world) where women are explicitly regarded as lesser beings? That is what feminism opposes.

Do you want to go back to times when married women had no rights at all; when married women couldn’t own their own property; when women couldn’t vote? Or in the last 50/60 years when domestic abuse was rife and there was no legal recourse against it? Men could rape their wives because married women had no legally recognised right to refuse their husband sex (marital rape was only recognised as a crime in 1991)? When it was legal to pay women less? When women could be excluded from jobs because they were of child-bearing age or sacked for veing pregnant? Surely you do not want that for yourselves?

Above all, feminism is about choice. If you want to be an SAHM and your partner supports that, that’s great. Other women will make different choices for themselves (i love being in paid employment and being financially independent). Feminism supports freedom of choice for all women. Why would you oppose that?

WTF this is the opposite of anything I have experienced, I have DDs and this is far from their experience too.

we are more empowered than ever we don’t and should put up with any of what you have mentioned and in my home, the kids school my work, we wouldn’t put up with anything you have described.

what you have described about periods and dehumanising words isn’t my experience at all. Not at work, school or in general life.

i agree there is a long way to go with misogyny and misogynistic words and toxic men and actions towards women. But we are taken more serious than ever (still a long way to go), by authorities and in the work place. We don’t tolerate being touched or spoken to in derogatory ways at work and schools.

periods are so much more in the open now and my Dads dong give a shit what boys think and most parents I know of boys teach their boys (as we do girls) from a young age about them. All the dads I know buy their wives and daughters sanitary products and aren’t bothered or embarrassed about this.

ive always had a women do my smear tests (I wouldn’t care if it was a man), but at my GP and hospital we can ask for a female nurse or doctor with ease and without bother.

im not sure if you are from the UK or where abouts in the UK but your experience is the polar opposite to mine.

All the cost of living points you make OP are a separate issue. Feminism means we are definitely more empowered now than in the past . I find it extraordinary that you believe women were more empowered in the past.
I am divorced. During my divorce I had the same legal status as ex husband. I have the same rights to my children as ex husband does.
I bought a house by myself.I have my own bank accounts and can easily get loans.
I work and earn the same as a man or others of a different marital status.
I am not stigmatised by my single status or divorce at work or in my community.
The above would not have been possible for my grandmother at my age. The past was shit for women.

We have achieved this by planning ahead from the moment we met in our early ‘20s. We waited 8 years, which was much longer than we wanted to, to have our first child, so during that time our monthly mortgage payments came down as my DH’s salary increased. We lock into the best mortgage deals available for 5 years, so unaffected by them going up. We chose to stay in our 3 bed end terrace rather than over extend ourselves paying for rooms we don’t need.

We run one car, both prefer walking anyway. We meal plan and cook from scratch, no waste. We take picnics and flasks everywhere all Summer, but we are together all Summer and there is loads of free outdoor stuff to do. We do eat out for family occasions, etc. Our children each do 2 paid extra curricular activities. I obviously stopped spending on non-essentials like eyelashes, nails, massages when I resigned, and have found a wonderful hairdresser who does all of our hair at our home. I’ve found it really easy, as the time I’ve gained with my children rendered so many things I actually used to waste money on utterly meaningless.

There is also the fact that in my parents/ grandparents generation, working class famies, although they usually had a single wage, they also didn't expect to have money to spend on clothes, holidays, hobbies etc. We all expect to spend money on fun, and not just living. Also, possibly despite the rises in cost of living, and we actually spend a smaller proportion of our income on food than previously. Again because we all expect to have money to spend on what would historically have been luxuries.

11 pages in and the OP hasn't come back since page 2.

There is a trend on Mumsnet for posters to start anti feminism threads and then disappear into the ether.

Someone, somewhere is trying to drip feed us a diet of anti woman, anti feminist, trad wife, conservative woman type bilge.

It is heartening to see so many women pushing back on here.

What an incredibly naive and privileged perspective. Poor women have alwaysworked outside the home, and working class families have always struggled to make ends meet.

I would also add ignorant. Poor women and minority women have always worked. Whenever they talk about women being housewives and sahm it was usually about middle-class and up white women.

I also agree with another poster that your DH doesn’t have to be in the 1% to be a sahm.

Let’s also not act as if being a sahm is for everyone or should be a standard if women don’t actually want to do it.

Have some never heard of “Mother’s Little Helpers”, housewives and sahm mothers taking pills to get through the day in the mid 1950s and continuing to rise when they were pushing that women should find fulfilment in being only housewives and stay at home mothers. The rise of tranquillisers, amphetamines, and other drugs that we now deem as dangerous and illegal became mainstream during those times.

Being a sahm can put women in a vulnerable position and being a sahm has higher risks of depression compared to employed/ working mothers.

Plenty of women who wanted to do it, find it is not as they thought or cracked up to be and go straight back to work when they can or if they can’t cope in unhealthy ways. They also feel guilty for not enjoying it like other sahm from what I read on different forums when it shouldn’t be something to feel guilty about.

Feminism gained choice, how is it feminism’s fault that it is not an option for everyone nor was it before.

“Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare.”

Why are women breaking their necks to do the larger share of the domestic work and childcare? A true feminist would expect their male partner (or female partner) to share the load.

That’s where you ‘not too old’ millennials need to start. Stop living through social media that idealise home making as some sort of life goal and model better equality to your children.

The OP is rubbish. It is not feminism that has caused spiralling house prices and the cost of living. Neither has feminism forced men to accept comparatively lower wages in some occupations.

I was born in the 1960s when women had much fewer rights. I have been able to access contraception and abortion; been able to be financially independent of my father or my husband; been paid the same as men doing the same job and not have to put up with the overt sexism of earlier decades.

BTW when I was growing up, many people didn’t even have inside bathrooms, women worked and fewer families had cars. This was London in the 60s and 70s. OP is in cloud cuckoo land.

And mine, and all of my friends husbands too. That is what is expected. On here it seems to not be the norm which I always find incredibly sad and in my world strange.

https://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/23350409.weston-secondary-school-pupils-protest-uni-sex-toilets

and

https://www.lbc.co.uk/article/protests-erupt-at-british-schools-unisex-toilets-DWzSkc_2

There are numerous threads in FWR about girls not having female only single sex toilets at school, one atm in Scotland. Not to mention Nurse Sandy Peggie from Fife NHS being sacked for not wanting to share a changing room with a fully intact male Dr (transwoman) and the Darlington Nurses suing for the same reason, a transwoman (fully intact male) wearing holes in his boxers in the female change room exposing himself to the Nurses and asking them when they were going to get undressed. THEY were punished and given a cupboard to change in, HE had the female changeroom to himself.

You truly are very sheltered and have absolutely not one iota of an idea of what has been going on.

This!