Reduced Child Maintenance & my Ex has Changed my DS's Surname

[Intothesunshine]

So, I posted a message earlier this year about my ill health and retirement.

CSA became involved as my ex didn't believe me. Anyway, HMRC and CSA confirmed my income and payments were reduced by 66%.

Now, my ex has changed his surname to her maiden name and without my consent. I have PR and named as father on Birth Certificate (we were married when DS was born).

I know he has a choice when he is 16 or 18, but FFS, why has she she gone and done this!!??

Feel very angry, but she is a complete narcissist and wants me to react so I am the bad one. It's hard to keep quiet but FFS, she has really pissed me and my other children right off !!

How old is the child? If she's changed it at school you can contact the school and ask them to revert to his correct surname.

Has it been legally changed, or has she just told people to use her maiden name?

If it’s been legally changed I believe you can go to court to challenge that.

If she’s just asked the school to use it, you can ask that they use the birth certificate name.

However, while I do think that this sounds like a very petty thing to do, I’m not sure that you fighting it and having it changed back will help your child. It could be confusing, depending on age. And if they’re older, then I’d let the child decide - I know legally they can decide at 16 but I wouldn’t make a 15 yr old change it back for less than a year.

Basically she cant dol this without a court order OR your consent.

Write to school, GP etc and of course her

https://www.ukdeedpolloffice.org/can-change-childs-name-without-fathers-consent/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&source_campaign=&keyword&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21299356975&gbraid=0AAAAADKpip_OdgbCf1Ux_pq7gjayCQgva&gclid=CjwKCAjw04HIBhB8EiwA8jGNbV7tcjx_h08dWYCDm2nPltwOlr-nrn1unhcNO6kMjUFPGhDUItYqjxoCyewQAvD_BwE

explains the legal side

Wow, 66% is a gigantic drop, although obviously not your fault if it is due to ill health (I haven't read your other thread). She's clearly done it to make a point-as in why should he have my ex name when he doesn't/barely contributes? It's not right obviously, but that's her thought process. She's pissed off and wanted to hurt you.
Are you sure she has legally done it?

Can see from your post a few months back that your son is 15 so will be 16 soon. He will be legally able to change his name then, so I would leave this one as he is old enough to decide himself.

She can’t legally do this, so you can have it changed back. The question is, would that be in the child’s best interests?

The obvious plus is that she has demonstrated her behaviour to all and sundry

Things like Schools, GP etc should be a bit more on the ball over name changes and not action it without the Specific Issue Order

DS is 15, his local rugby league club have published images of him and the team which is where I found out.

He has a scholarship to a great team in the northwest and is now using his mother's maiden name.

Need to check with school now !!

At 15 years old maybe it was his choice.

Your son is 15, he’s initiated or agreed to it.

I’d let this one go.

Sad you don’t want the best for your child and will only pay the government bare minimum. But of course he must have your surname because that’s the most important thing! How old is the child as he will be able to choose at 16 anyway.

At 15 I wouldn’t make a fuss about it at all, what do you stand to gain from it when he can legally change it in the next year anyway?

Please explain how you pay maintenance from income you dont have?

Oh ok, so has he chosen to use his mother's name rather than yours? If so, that's up to him at 15 and I wouldn't make a fuss about it.

Presumably he agreed or wanted this? He's too old for it to have happened without him knowing. I would talk to him first. Perhaps you could compromise and hyphenate?

What's your relationship with your son like?

What is your relationship like with your son? Do you see him?

If he’s 15 , surely he should have a say ?

I think at 15 it is probably him rather than his mother who has chosen that he be known by this name - and what he's called at the rugby club isn't legally binding, so I'm not sure you can challenge it. I knew a few people who in their teens chose to change surnames to their mother's, and in every case their mum might have welcomed it but it was their choice and reflected what they saw as their identity and primary family connection.

At 15, it will have been done with his knowledge and concent, and quite possibly at his request. How is your relationship with him otherwise? I'm guessing by the fact you found out through a publication, instead of him telling you, that communication might be low?

Thought you were going to say he was 5 and not a 15 year old. Is it his choice to use his mum's maiden name?

Whilst you are legally correct, at 15 you should let this go.

Your son is starting a scholarship, will be doing his exams soon, has a sporting career, etc. It makes sense for all of these things to be in the name he intends to use for the rest of his life. This will have been his decision and he is only months away from having the legal choice.

If you fight this, it will only cause resentment from him.

I agree and was going to post similar, let it go.

Why are you blaming your ex? It's the teenagers choice what name he goes by.
Do you parent him?