Shouted at someone else’s child, WIBU?

[wooooooop]

NC as might be outing.

I take my 10mo DS to a small church hall playgroup, it’s mostly free play time with a singing session at the end. It’s been a lovely group thus far, DS has a great time there and I get to interact with other adults! There is a little boy there of about 3 or 4, he’s never supervised by his Mum who is always sitting at the other end of the hall chatting, or on her phone. DS and I usually steer clear of him as he seems quite a boisterous child, and he often snatches toys from the other children.

DS and I were playing with baby toys today, and I didn’t notice the other boy approaching from behind us until he kicked my poor little DS in the back as he reached for a toy I instinctively shouted at him (I didn’t say anything horrible to him, I was just so shocked at what he’d done that I shouted at him to go away), he clearly went to tell his Mum that I’d told him off as she came storming over demanding to know why I’d shouted at her child while I was trying to comfort my own sobbing baby. I was more angry with her than her DS so I told her that if she’d supervised her little bully, I wouldn’t have had to shout at him and my baby wouldn’t have been hurt. Instead of apologising for her son’s behaviour, she went to the group leader and asked for me to be banned from the group!

I’m so upset, I don’t know if I overreacted or not as this is my first child and therefore my first rodeo with playgroups!

You were more reasonable than I would have been. Boot her in the back and see how she likes it.

Yeah yanbu I’ve told a few kids off not shouted but said no don’t do that. I’ve also been on the other end my child’s asd so can seem “boisterous” but I’ve always told him off and apologised had a few first time moms not even aknowledge me even when I’ve said sorry, they soon realise all children are learning and will play up from time to time

I think instinctively shouting is fair enough - if someone kicked me in the back I doubt I would whisper: "Stop it!"

I wouldn't have called her child a little bully though - that's just stoking the fire and it's not nice to label a kid off the basis of one interaction. She does sound fairly useless though and hopefully the leader of the group didn't side with her?

I wouldn't have gone as far to brand him a bully at 3/4 years old -did you mean he accidentally kicked your child in the back reaching for a toy? Anyway, hopefully she will be keeping an eye on him from here forward. I hope you weren't banned!

Shouting at a child and calling him a bully? Surely even you can look at that and see it’s not appropriate or acceptable behaviour.

The boy not being supervised is an entirely separate issue.

The way I read it was that the child had deliberately kicked the baby in the back, when the baby was reaching for a toy.

Did he actually take aim and boot your baby in the back intentionally? If so I’d have told him a firm ‘no’, extracted your baby then approached the organisers straight away and let them deal with it. Kid needs banning and if they didn’t I’d think twice about going back.

I think calling him a ‘little bully’ was inflammatory to be honest. Clearly mum is terrible and it wasn’t going to do anything other than kick off at you. But that is with the benefit of hindsight!

If you said what you put in your post, then that was a bit unnecessary.

I would have said something like "excuse me David, we don't kick here, it might have been an accident, but you hurt DC, so I think you should say sorry to him". And I would have said it quite loudly so others heard.

You did exactly what I would have done. It’s always the moron who doesn’t watch their child. I literally witnessed the same thing with my own child earlier today. 4 ten year olds were pelting balls from the floor above the cafe in a soft play into the cafe area where my baby was sitting. I said:

‘If the ball hits him I’m gonna go MAD so go away NOW!’ The kids shit themselves and ran. Clearly not used to being told anything other than run along Jocasta, be free’. Not an ‘Oh sorry’ nothing. Just gormless, vacant stares. They were old enough to speak up and balsy enough to be throwing things down from the next floor into a non play area where people were sitting eating. Including lots of little babies. They didn’t give a fuck. No regard for anyone.

A little gaggle of posh lot mums barely even looked up. (I heard a comedian say the other day: trust fund confidence, emotionally bankrupt’ - I thought this was apt when I watched them not give a single fuck what their kids were up to for 90 minutes and not correct them at any point) They all heard me. Decent people don’t let their kids act like dickheads. Not that this is the reserve of posh lot mums; I saw a Vicky Pollard type being abhorrent in the park yesterday.

You're not in the wrong at all. He should not be permitted to KICK a baby. That’s outrageous. I’m pissed off FOR you my love. That was my long winded way of sending my support.

I hope the baby is okay ♥️

What did the group leader say about it?

Ah, I read it the other way round -that 'he' applied to the bigger boy who was reaching for the toy over OPs DC.

Ive told off other people’s children loads of times- they’re always the ones not supervised. We were at an event with a bouncy castle the other day and even though my child is four and well able to hold his own, it was getting unsafe the way the bigger kids were pelting about and launching themselves off the top, accident waiting to happen. Took a big ‘oi!’ and my loud telling off voice to get them to stop it and yes obviously one of the parents still asked what the problem was and that ‘they were just excited/being kids 🙄

A firm telling off if they’re not being adequately parented is fine, but branding a small child a bully really isn’t. This was all on the mum really , and maybe it’ll make her think.

I’d have probably thrown in a “if you
bothered to get off your phone and supervise your child for a change” comment for good measure, so probably not the best person to judge whether you were unreasonable.

What did the group leader say or do?

I don’t think you should brand a small child as a bully. Remember children aren’t very co-ordinated and can get over-excited; plus small children are still learning to vocalise needs and wants and have limited social skills. It’s also wrong to attribute a sinister motive to young children’s behaviour.

But i think it’s fine to firmly correct other people’s children when their parents aren’t on the ball. I’ve had other parents tell mine off too when i was slow off the mark.

I had a blazing row with a couple in a park eons ago. Both our DCs were toddlers and playing near each other and child began repeatedly hitting mine. The mother was further away and ineffectual; i told her child firmly to stop. She then told me off for correcting her child and didn’t like being told she wasn’t quick enough. But tough shit - i’m not going to stand by and say nothing while her child hits mine.

I don’t have much time for parents who get upset if another adult reasonably corrects their child. You’re in public and in a shared space: the world does not revolve around them and their child.

Yes, the older child deliberately booted my 10mo in the back as my DS reached out for a toy, then took the toy. The older child has a habit of snatching toys away from all the other children either when they are already playing with them or when they are reaching for them, which is why we do our best to avoid him!

Perhaps I shouldn’t have called him a bully to his mother (although he wasn’t present when I said it; she’d left him unsupervised again to come over and shout at me 😂) but kicking a little baby who isn’t even half your size is bullying behaviour!

Group leader is very nice, came over to speak to me and make sure DS was okay, a couple of other Mums had seen what happened and corroborated my version of events so we are not banned! I’m going to take him along next week, hopefully she decides to pay attention to what her little darling is doing!

Alls well that ends well then OP. If anything hopefully both she and her son will give you both a wide berth, which I am sure would be welcome!

He sounds like a little shit

Obviously it’s fine (from a mum of a 4 year old boy). I’d be furious with my son if I heard he’d deliberately kicked a much younger child and he’d be getting a bollocking from me as well.

I’d have wanted to drop kick the little thug out of the nearest window!

I hope your little one is ok x

YANBU at all but I’m sure I read this a few months ago!

I agree, sounds like it won't be an issue in the future. Great!

Poor kid with a mother like her.

It’s awful when your baby gets hurt, I hope he’s okay now. I’m pleased the group leader was lovely. Maybe she’ll be on the look out for better supervision or parents of babies will stop going.

Perhaps it’s the same little bully child 🤣

I wanted to throw him and his mother in the closest bin, but that might have been a step too far

I had zero problem telling off another child if they deliberately hurt one of mine. And yes, most of the time the parent was not paying attention. He sounds like a spiteful little sod. Hope baby is alright?

It’s always the parents of the children who need the most supervision, who seem to supervise the least. It’s either a complete lack of supervision all the time, or the idea that they deserve a break if their child is a bit more intense than others at home.

yanbu