Shouted at someone else’s child, WIBU?

[wooooooop]

NC as might be outing.

I take my 10mo DS to a small church hall playgroup, it’s mostly free play time with a singing session at the end. It’s been a lovely group thus far, DS has a great time there and I get to interact with other adults! There is a little boy there of about 3 or 4, he’s never supervised by his Mum who is always sitting at the other end of the hall chatting, or on her phone. DS and I usually steer clear of him as he seems quite a boisterous child, and he often snatches toys from the other children.

DS and I were playing with baby toys today, and I didn’t notice the other boy approaching from behind us until he kicked my poor little DS in the back as he reached for a toy I instinctively shouted at him (I didn’t say anything horrible to him, I was just so shocked at what he’d done that I shouted at him to go away), he clearly went to tell his Mum that I’d told him off as she came storming over demanding to know why I’d shouted at her child while I was trying to comfort my own sobbing baby. I was more angry with her than her DS so I told her that if she’d supervised her little bully, I wouldn’t have had to shout at him and my baby wouldn’t have been hurt. Instead of apologising for her son’s behaviour, she went to the group leader and asked for me to be banned from the group!

I’m so upset, I don’t know if I overreacted or not as this is my first child and therefore my first rodeo with playgroups!

The mother sounds lazy and you sound pretty batshit. Labelling a 3YO a bully is wild. They seem big compared to your baby but they're only pre schoolers. You have a long 18 years ahead of you.

Unfortunately, I am no more responsible for other people’s reading comprehension than I am for their badly behaved children and shit parenting 🥰

I didn’t do any bellowing though hun x

I’m not - I’m explaining that the wording of the OP made it read like an accident, like the toddler reached over the baby for the toy. That has been clarified now. At no point did I say she was lying.

I reckon the mum is on this thread judging some of the replies. I am beyond fed up of going to groups and classes where children ruin it because they’ve never been parented. Then said parents have the audacity to try and parent you when you stand up for your own child.

I am with you on this one. Hope your DC was okay. 💛

Batshit for being upset that my baby was hurt and explaining myself to a parent who had stormed over and shouted at me 😂 have a word with yourself!

Good, I’ve got plenty of time to get it right with my own son then, haven’t I 😌

Oh, I think she might be! Or perhaps just other parents of ‘spirited’ children 🙂

He is okay, he screamed the place down for a few minutes but he is thankfully unhurt. 🥰

I don't see how the other child managed to kick your 10 month old without you getting there in time.

You'd labelled this child before you saw him kick your child. Maybe make sure he doesn't get there? If your child is 10 months and not walking- I expect youre v close at all times so I'm not sure how this has happened.

For calling a 3YO a bully. That's great, it'll come in handy for homeschooling. You're going to come across many DC and parents at school, you need to calm down and approach situations with maturity.

He came from behind us (as I said in my OP!) and I was sitting next to DS on the floor. Do you have eyes in the back or side of your head?

This is what I don't get, her DC will never ever do this because she'll be there to supervise and yet whilst supervising she didn't prevent this.

Amazing that you have managed to do such mental gymnastics to make supervising someone else’s horrible child my responsibility, just so you can justify telling me I’m batshit.

I was supervising my own son, who should have been safe in the baby area of the playgroup, playing with baby toys. I was playing with my child, why the fuck would I be watching what hers was doing?

I'm not suggesting you should have supervised the other DC. You've suggested your own DC will always be 100% supervised so will never ever act like this. So presumably you already have eyes in the back of your head.

Tbh its reasonable that her child said youd shouted at him and she reported that. (I know why you did it and YANBU, but in the moment she didnt) she can do that if she likes, and she doesnt know you to know you were responding appropriately to his agressive behaviour.

Then just inform them you did repremand the child because he was deliberately hurting your DS an actual baby, and your concerns about this childs unsupervised behaviour. Then carry on as if this never happened.

No hun.

The BABY reached for the toy not the little thug!

Don’t worry - ‘hun’ has told me everything I need to know.

He will be supervised until he knows how to behave appropriately and can demonstrate that he understands, then I can adjust the level of supervision accordingly. If the other parent had done that, this could have been avoided.

But I suspect you know that and are just trying to find new angles to stick the boot in a little.

You can really spot the parents of the "spirited" children in this thread.

I'm simply saying it is easy to claim your DC will always behave appropriately before having actually ever had to parent a child.

My own DC are both lovely kind kids, I am only really here to comment on the labelling of a pre schooler. If I saw a parent labelling a child in my DDs reception class and bully or a thug I would think they have issues and give them a wide berth.

I would have done the same as you. I have told children off before for hurting my younger children. Regularly had to tell rough 3-5 year olds to leave the baby section of soft play- either no parent in sight or a useless one who sits there saying and doing nothing when witnessing bad behaviour.

I’m really happy with the school my children attend- the parents don’t tolerate rough behaviour, and many go up to other parents and/or their children in the playground to say that it is not acceptable if they behave like little thugs to their own well behaved children. Children who are rough need to be told off and that it is not acceptable, or how on earth will they know that?

I would be absolutely appalled if one of mine had kicked a baby at a group, and told them off myself! Awful. Hope your baby is OK 💐

Stop victim blaming. You should be ashamed. That’s like blaming a woman that she should have moved out of the way before a man punches her in the face. Shame on you!

The other mother should obviously have authoritatively told her older child off, that kicking babies is unacceptable, and took him over to apologise. That’s what decent parents do.

We're talking about a 10 month old and a 3 year old here.

Well neither of mine aged 3 went round kicking babies in the back, they’ve been brought up better than that. I would have removed them from the group if they’d tried that! Definitely old enough to start enforcing some consequences, actually that should start from age 2 certainly.

The chances of a 3-4 year old being at a church toddler group are small much more likely to be a 2-3 year old (nearer 2)

I never said he would! But until he can prove he can beyond reasonable doubt, he will be supervised.

Your DC are lovely, kind kids because you’ve shown them how to behave. The other mother came over to have a go at me (and try to bully me out of the group) so it’s not really a surprise that that is how her child behaves.