Page 7 | Shouted at someone else’s child, WIBU?

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 08:18

LadyGreyjoy · 31/10/2025 07:10

Wtf is this twaddle about "labelling pre schoolers" being wrong?

3 year olds have their own personality, they are completely capable of being naughty, nasty and cruel to other children. That by definition makes them a bully. All this bullshit about them being allowed to act like a bully but you can't actually call them a bully until they're 8 or whatever is ridiculous! If a kid is bullying others, they are a bully and other children should be protected from them. Not told to shut up because they can't be bullied by a 3 year old 🙄

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Nothing wrong with discussing with the Mum. Losing her cool over a 3 YO and calling him a bully is too far. If OP wants to continue going to this playgroup she is likely going to see this child every week for the next year. Whipping up hatred of the 3YO here, telling her she was right etc means OPs behaviour around the child is likely to continue/escalate. That will not end well for her and could have long term consequences for both her and her child.

LadyGreyjoy · 31/10/2025 08:54

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 08:18

Nothing wrong with discussing with the Mum. Losing her cool over a 3 YO and calling him a bully is too far. If OP wants to continue going to this playgroup she is likely going to see this child every week for the next year. Whipping up hatred of the 3YO here, telling her she was right etc means OPs behaviour around the child is likely to continue/escalate. That will not end well for her and could have long term consequences for both her and her child.

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Of course it will 🙄. She already dislikes the child and tries to stay away from him as much as possible because of his behaviour. She really dislikes this child already. I'm not surprised. This thread isn't going to make her dislike him more than she already does and 'escalate her behaviour" FFS what do you think she is going to escalate to? Smacking him!?

The long term consequences will be that the horrible little boy and his crappy mother realise that no one likes them, because they are horrible and either improve their behaviour to fit in or fuck off and let everyone else enjoy their play group in peace. Social disapproval and shame are things that evolved in humans to make the anti social ones fit in and behave because that's how our species survived. Telling someone standing up for their child there will be long term consequences for standing up for themselves and calling out behaviour for what it is is victim blaming. No one should restrain their protectiveness of their child or hide the truth for fear of long term consequences.

All this "you can't label a child" bollocks is removing the social pressure to behave and turning children into tyrants and anti social adults.

Original poster

wooooooop · 31/10/2025 09:18

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 08:18

Nothing wrong with discussing with the Mum. Losing her cool over a 3 YO and calling him a bully is too far. If OP wants to continue going to this playgroup she is likely going to see this child every week for the next year. Whipping up hatred of the 3YO here, telling her she was right etc means OPs behaviour around the child is likely to continue/escalate. That will not end well for her and could have long term consequences for both her and her child.

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I don’t hate a 3yo

What the fuck do you think I’m going to do to him?! I told him to go away because that’s what I want him to bloody do!

My ‘behaviour around the child’, honestly 🤣🤣

OP posts:

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:33

wooooooop · 31/10/2025 09:18

I don’t hate a 3yo

What the fuck do you think I’m going to do to him?! I told him to go away because that’s what I want him to bloody do!

My ‘behaviour around the child’, honestly 🤣🤣

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I think you will continue to go to the playgroup, potentially shout at the child/mum again and tell anyone who will listen that the child is a bully. I think you will be more critical of his behaviour because next time you will notice his behaviour more. Yes this child may grow up to be awful, but many parents of older DC know he is just as likely to grow up to be a nice, normal kid. Whilst others may umm and ahh at you, like on this thread many will think your behaviour is excessive. As you've said, this mother is often chatting so she has friends there. A mother that ignores her 3YO is likely a moyher that will gossip about and exaggerate your behaviour. If you acted this way at my small village playground, the gossips would do a good job of painting you as the psychotic woman that bullies pre schoolers and that label would follow you through school. Both from other parents and school staff. Would I accept a playdate from a women that I've been told has mental health issues and is unpredicatable around young children? Probably not. If your DC has issues at school would school staff decide this is likely because of his mums MH issues and chaotic home life? Potentially. I totally understand your frustration. But the way you conduct yourself as an adult in public is your responsibility, not someone else's pre schoolers.

SpaceRaccoon · 31/10/2025 09:39

@Eatingthehalloweensweets you've created quite a detailed work of fiction there. Did you miss the part where it was the other mother who came over and shouted?

MagpiesAreBastards · 31/10/2025 09:39

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:33

I think you will continue to go to the playgroup, potentially shout at the child/mum again and tell anyone who will listen that the child is a bully. I think you will be more critical of his behaviour because next time you will notice his behaviour more. Yes this child may grow up to be awful, but many parents of older DC know he is just as likely to grow up to be a nice, normal kid. Whilst others may umm and ahh at you, like on this thread many will think your behaviour is excessive. As you've said, this mother is often chatting so she has friends there. A mother that ignores her 3YO is likely a moyher that will gossip about and exaggerate your behaviour. If you acted this way at my small village playground, the gossips would do a good job of painting you as the psychotic woman that bullies pre schoolers and that label would follow you through school. Both from other parents and school staff. Would I accept a playdate from a women that I've been told has mental health issues and is unpredicatable around young children? Probably not. If your DC has issues at school would school staff decide this is likely because of his mums MH issues and chaotic home life? Potentially. I totally understand your frustration. But the way you conduct yourself as an adult in public is your responsibility, not someone else's pre schoolers.

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To use a MN trope. You sound completely unhinged.

MyAcornWood · 31/10/2025 09:40

I think you’re in a bit of danger of getting rather too carried away with this op. I can understand being upset your son was hurt and reacting in shock and, a degree of, anger, but you don’t seem to see any issue with labelling a three year old (!) a bully or with the fact that you probably scared him. His mum probably is a bit of a dick but you’re not behaving much better imo. There’s a child and mother who sound very similar at my local playgroup and so I can understand how you feel, I don’t want that child near my kids either (or myself for that matter, he’s hit me with hard plastic toys before!) and while I’ve told him off and removed my children from his general vicinity, I wouldn’t get into arguments with his mum calling him a bully in front of all the other parents and children. That’s not really on… imo.

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:45

MagpiesAreBastards · 31/10/2025 09:39

To use a MN trope. You sound completely unhinged.

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That's fine, OP doesn't need to take my advice. OP is an anonymous poster, those telling her this child is a wrongun don't care what happens to OP next and neither do I. I am simply giving her advice to rein it in if she wants to continue attending the playgroup.

redmountain · 31/10/2025 09:45

johntorodesfatcheeks · 30/10/2025 23:19

You’re talking about the dynamics between your children here, yes?
not your children and children that belong to other people?

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No, my children had many interactions with friends too - sometimes they didnt go well. The OPs reaction is over the top. Of course no one likes their baby to be kicked - but its by a 3 or 4 year old. Just tell the child calmly ‘we dont kick’ and distract them, protect your child - but no need for dramatic shouting or calling a tiny child a bully.

Original poster

wooooooop · 31/10/2025 09:49

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:33

I think you will continue to go to the playgroup, potentially shout at the child/mum again and tell anyone who will listen that the child is a bully. I think you will be more critical of his behaviour because next time you will notice his behaviour more. Yes this child may grow up to be awful, but many parents of older DC know he is just as likely to grow up to be a nice, normal kid. Whilst others may umm and ahh at you, like on this thread many will think your behaviour is excessive. As you've said, this mother is often chatting so she has friends there. A mother that ignores her 3YO is likely a moyher that will gossip about and exaggerate your behaviour. If you acted this way at my small village playground, the gossips would do a good job of painting you as the psychotic woman that bullies pre schoolers and that label would follow you through school. Both from other parents and school staff. Would I accept a playdate from a women that I've been told has mental health issues and is unpredicatable around young children? Probably not. If your DC has issues at school would school staff decide this is likely because of his mums MH issues and chaotic home life? Potentially. I totally understand your frustration. But the way you conduct yourself as an adult in public is your responsibility, not someone else's pre schoolers.

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Like I said before, I don’t give either of them any headspace and have absolute no agenda against either of them. I will continue to avoid the pair of them, I’m not interested in engaging with them or talking about them to anyone else. You’d love me to, I’m sure, just so you can crow about me being the village crazy lady. Others saw what happened and can make their own judgements one way or another. If they want to continue being my friend, great, if they think I was awful then that doesn’t worry me.

As for the rest of your post, what a load of shit! I don’t have mental health issues or a chaotic home life. Please could you clearly explain how you arrived at that conclusion because I told a child to go away, and told his mother that he was bullying my child. What a strange thing to say! Gossips will gossip whether they have anything true to gossip about or not, that’s just what they do as they usually aren’t nice people.

As for ‘unpredictable around small children’, telling someone to go away when you don’t want them near you is…predictable behaviour.

OP posts:

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:53

wooooooop · 31/10/2025 09:49

Like I said before, I don’t give either of them any headspace and have absolute no agenda against either of them. I will continue to avoid the pair of them, I’m not interested in engaging with them or talking about them to anyone else. You’d love me to, I’m sure, just so you can crow about me being the village crazy lady. Others saw what happened and can make their own judgements one way or another. If they want to continue being my friend, great, if they think I was awful then that doesn’t worry me.

As for the rest of your post, what a load of shit! I don’t have mental health issues or a chaotic home life. Please could you clearly explain how you arrived at that conclusion because I told a child to go away, and told his mother that he was bullying my child. What a strange thing to say! Gossips will gossip whether they have anything true to gossip about or not, that’s just what they do as they usually aren’t nice people.

As for ‘unpredictable around small children’, telling someone to go away when you don’t want them near you is…predictable behaviour.

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Read my post again, I haven't said anywhere that you do. I've said that the other Mum will be successful in painting you as that woman if you continue shouting at children and labelling pre schoolers bullies. It's great that you don't plan to do that.

lazyarse123 · 31/10/2025 10:03

The other child was being a bully, why are some pp pretending he wasn't ?
Ooh no mustn't label the poor little brat let's just let him grow up into an even bigger bully. Fml no wonder adult behaviour is getting worse if this is how kids are dragged up. No supervision and no control.
I'm glad your baby is ok op.

LadyGreyjoy · 31/10/2025 10:13

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 09:33

I think you will continue to go to the playgroup, potentially shout at the child/mum again and tell anyone who will listen that the child is a bully. I think you will be more critical of his behaviour because next time you will notice his behaviour more. Yes this child may grow up to be awful, but many parents of older DC know he is just as likely to grow up to be a nice, normal kid. Whilst others may umm and ahh at you, like on this thread many will think your behaviour is excessive. As you've said, this mother is often chatting so she has friends there. A mother that ignores her 3YO is likely a moyher that will gossip about and exaggerate your behaviour. If you acted this way at my small village playground, the gossips would do a good job of painting you as the psychotic woman that bullies pre schoolers and that label would follow you through school. Both from other parents and school staff. Would I accept a playdate from a women that I've been told has mental health issues and is unpredicatable around young children? Probably not. If your DC has issues at school would school staff decide this is likely because of his mums MH issues and chaotic home life? Potentially. I totally understand your frustration. But the way you conduct yourself as an adult in public is your responsibility, not someone else's pre schoolers.

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Mental health issues!? Chaotic home life!? Wtf is wrong with you? And what is your obsession with labels?

At my village playgroup the 3yo would be labelled a toe rag and the mum would be labelled a bitchy Vicky Pollard type. Absolutely no one normal would label a mum protecting her wailing injured baby as 'psychotic'. Where on earth do you live!?

Eatingthehalloweensweets · 31/10/2025 10:27

LadyGreyjoy · 31/10/2025 10:13

Mental health issues!? Chaotic home life!? Wtf is wrong with you? And what is your obsession with labels?

At my village playgroup the 3yo would be labelled a toe rag and the mum would be labelled a bitchy Vicky Pollard type. Absolutely no one normal would label a mum protecting her wailing injured baby as 'psychotic'. Where on earth do you live!?

Edited

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I haven't labelled OP that way, I have said what could happen if she continues. I haven't experienced anyone shouting at children or other mums at playgroup, this behaviour would be really out of the ordinary where I live and both Mums in this situation would be likely to be labelled the 'vicky pollard type'. OP has said she isn't going to continue this way so hopefully, the situation is resolved.

To summarise, no I do not think OP is wrong to be upset about an unsupervised child kicking her child and think the Mum should be doing more to supervise. I think OP is naive to think she will never take her eye off the ball and could potentially be in this situation with her own DC. Whilst I understand OP shouting instinctively, I do think OP should try not to lose her control and shout at children and approach the parent instead. I do not think OP should be calling pre schoolers bullies, they are not in my opinion developed enough for that.

Avantiagain · 31/10/2025 10:33

Calling someone's young child a bully is always going to stir the pot. Next time just say what they did.

SunnyDolly · 31/10/2025 10:36

OP I’m not understanding what you hoped to get from this thread, you ask in your post if you overreacted - some people are saying ‘yeah you did a bit’ and you’re just arguing back each time.

FWIW I think you did overreact a bit but also just forget about it, move on. Go back to the group and chalk it up to experience. I have two kids, school age - they can be angelic at times but they can also be boisterous and have shoved and snatched on occasions. They all do it at some point, they can’t grasp the concept of sharing until a good bit older than 3. Doesn’t mean they’re awful, it’s developmental; they’re learning. I absolutely think the mum acted poorly and should’ve just apologised, it’s what I do if one of mine did something similar, but honestly forget about it. Won’t be the last time, wait till they’re in the bloody school playground!

cornflakecrunchie · 02/11/2025 18:20

Only just read this thread.
@wooooooop I'm sure your child will be wonderful at 18 yrs old.
Some of the rest of you.. not sure how your kids will turn out...

Astra2025 · 25/03/2026 13:03

wooooooop · 28/10/2025 15:31

NC as might be outing.

I take my 10mo DS to a small church hall playgroup, it’s mostly free play time with a singing session at the end. It’s been a lovely group thus far, DS has a great time there and I get to interact with other adults! There is a little boy there of about 3 or 4, he’s never supervised by his Mum who is always sitting at the other end of the hall chatting, or on her phone. DS and I usually steer clear of him as he seems quite a boisterous child, and he often snatches toys from the other children.

DS and I were playing with baby toys today, and I didn’t notice the other boy approaching from behind us until he kicked my poor little DS in the back as he reached for a toy I instinctively shouted at him (I didn’t say anything horrible to him, I was just so shocked at what he’d done that I shouted at him to go away), he clearly went to tell his Mum that I’d told him off as she came storming over demanding to know why I’d shouted at her child while I was trying to comfort my own sobbing baby. I was more angry with her than her DS so I told her that if she’d supervised her little bully, I wouldn’t have had to shout at him and my baby wouldn’t have been hurt. Instead of apologising for her son’s behaviour, she went to the group leader and asked for me to be banned from the group!

I’m so upset, I don’t know if I overreacted or not as this is my first child and therefore my first rodeo with playgroups!

YANBU! I sympathise with you. It’s so hurtful seeing your little baby be subjected to unprovoked violence isn’t it…

Found this as I’ve had such a similar situation today - a 5yo boy had been kinda targeting my 1yo at our group, went for her (trying to push/hit her) every time he got near her. Similarly his mum never anywhere to be seen in these moments. When he tried it for the 4th time I grabbed his hands and said ‘no’ firmly. Not sure this was completely ideal but what are you supposed to do when your baby is treated like that and you’re the only adult there?!

I completely understand your reaction, and that you felt almost out of control of it in the moment. You’re just protective of your baby.

Sorry about how it went with his mum… she sounds awful and I strongly disagree with her parenting and conduct in this situation.

GlosGirl82 · 25/03/2026 13:27

You sound horrible - don’t shout at a child and don’t call a child a bully. I have three children - in playgrounds and indoor groups - pushing and taking toys happens. You need to think about regulating your behaviour and how you as an adult set an example for children. When this happened, you should have spoken calmly and then spoken with the mother. You shouting at the child is unacceptable

Auroraloves · 25/03/2026 13:38

GlosGirl82 · 25/03/2026 13:27

You sound horrible - don’t shout at a child and don’t call a child a bully. I have three children - in playgrounds and indoor groups - pushing and taking toys happens. You need to think about regulating your behaviour and how you as an adult set an example for children. When this happened, you should have spoken calmly and then spoken with the mother. You shouting at the child is unacceptable

no, pushing and shoving only happens when little brats are left unsupervised so the crappy parents can’t keep their behaviour in check.

she doesn’t sound horrible at all

nam3c4ang3 · 25/03/2026 13:52

I dont understand what you want from this post op? You just seem to be arguing with everyone that doesnt agree with you?

Im sorry your child was hurt - and fwiw - do think it was a slight overreaction on your part, a three year old isnt a bully - but agree the mum was irresponsible. Were you banned from the group?