Car seating - who should sit where?

[LuncheonInThePark]

I already know I probably am being petty here, but interested in thoughts so it'll maybe stop irritating me (and yes, I know there are more important things to be bothered over!)

Saw a Facebook post saying 'If the husband is driving, who should sit in the front - the wife or the mother'.

Now, I ALWAYS offer my MIL in the front seat, but she always declines and sits with our 11 year old DD.

FIL just automatically goes in the front. If it was him by himself without MIL, I would of course offer (if I was given the chance), but he's straight in there.

I think the reason it bothers me is it comes across as though men in the front, while me, MIL and DD - the women - should be in the back.

How are the car seating dynamics in your family?

Slightly off topic, but I remember hearing an interesting thing about class which I know hits Mumsnet's buttons. If 2 couples travel.in a car:
Working class, both men sit in the front.
Middle class, the couple that own the car are in the front with the guests in the back.
Upper class, the man who owns the car drives, with the lady guest up front, the others in the back.

My mums husband always tells my husband to sit in the front which is totally fine as he has much longer legs than me and my mum. However, he then insists on taking a new scenic route every time so a journey that is supposed to take less than an hour from the airport to theirs takes upwards of two hours where my mum and I are squashed in the back trying to entertain a wee child for two stupid hours. Thank god we're having a second and will be able to properly deny the lifts and just get the train as we prefer from now on.

I always offer the front to my MIL or FIL, both always decline and insist on sitting in the back. I also offer the front to my own parents, and they both accept. Not sure what it says about anyone overall, but it is perhaps reflective of the fact that my in-laws are generally much more helpful and easy going than my parents!

Yes, I completely get that! I should have added on my OP, FIL is the same height as me and not overweight.

I do actually! I think that's what's bothering me, it's not meant out of rudeness it's like 'men come first'.

DH clearly doesn't have an issue with it either.

Is he the oldest and / or taller than your MIL?

Maybe he’s assuming that older people get the seat and he needs it more than her?

Clutching at straws here a bit, admittedly!

I'm talking about if it's both PIL. One or both are going to need to sit in the back. Plus fortunately they don't generally see sitting beside their grandchild as a chore. I'm assuming MIL chooses the back because she likes to chat away with DD, although I've never asked.

This.

I have mobility issues, so I'm always in the front. Otherwise the others just figure it out.

Yes but have you even even alluded to you having an issue with it?

Same age, no health issues between them.

I suppose my AIBU should have been more 'should men take precedence in seating arrangements', rather than blaming it on FIL!

I just wonder if it's common or if I'm getting my feminist head on as there's no discussion. Men in the front, women in the back.

Oh and yes he is taller than MIL, but equal height to me.

I think if the men have longer legs and no one else in the car has a mobility issue that would make it hard for them to sit in the back, then let the gangly wotsits have the front because it's more comfortable for them. If my dad is driving my mum insists I sit in the front because I'm 5' 7'' and she's 5' 1/2'' (very important to mention the half, she gets cross if you don't!) I usually resist a bit, because she's older and I want her to be comfortable, but the height rule always wins the day in the end.

This is very interesting. DH family are working class (although he himself would be seen as middle class now). My family are middle class and I can't remember a time in my Dad's car that anyone sat in the front other than my Mum then Step Mum, other when his PIL had mobility issues.

I sit in the front passenger seat or I puke.

I was thinking this too.

I really can't think of any reason why your FIL would assume his place is next to his son instead of next to his wife, other than sexism I'm afraid.

Next time, try and get out of the door and to the car before he does and watch his face for a reaction

For me the order is adults in the front, children in the back. Older adults should be offered the front seat by younger adults. If two adults of the same generation are there, then usually the taller one gets the front seat.
For example if DH was driving and my DMiL was also there, I’d definitely give her the front seat. If I’m driving and both my parents are there, my DDad usually sits in the front as he’s tall and my DMum is petite.
If DH, I and our 2 DCs get a taxi, I always sit in the back as I’m a small woman and he’s a large man so it just makes sense.

I'm a single parent so one dc in the passenger seat, dd1 in my car, dd2 in xh's car, but if we went somewhere altogether both adults in the front. If I'm driving my dps then my df would always go in the front, mainly because he wouldn't fit in the back.

Who sits at the head of the table?

And that's the crux of my issue, the sexism. Well, that's how I saw it then wondered if I was over thinking it!

If DH’s family is coming in the car with us, I typically drive. Then they sort it out amongst ourselves. If DH is driving, I typically sit in the front and my mum sits in the back because she doesn’t get carsick and likes to sit with her grandchildren.

I would always offer the passenger seat to my FIL (or Dad, brother etc), it’s an issue of size and comfort- I’m only 5’4” and never struggle for leg room whereas the back seat is more cramped for most men, especially as DH is tall so will have the driver’s seat quite far back

But you appear to have never, not once, actually raised it with either man @LuncheonInThePark

Same with DH, regardless of whose car he is in. He needs to sit in the front because he has very long legs.

If I'm not driving (which is rare), then I'm in the passenger seat.

The alternative is that I will probably vomit in your lap - I'm not a good traveller.

Somebody argued about that with me once when I was younger and lived to regret it.

Whoever drives depends on whether DH or I pick up their keys first. Everyone else sorts themselves out - no particular system.