Cut ties because of their 2 year old sons behaviour?

[Iliveonabighill]

Shortly after my 2 year old was born, I made really good friends with another first time mum. Our husbands get on well too.
their son had always been very heavy handed, but now he is 2, his behaviour is not good. He will push my son over, puts his hands around my son’s neck, headbutt him. He can’t be left alone with any child- even if his parent is 1metre away or turns around to pick something up, he will hurt the other child.
the parents are very conscious of their son’s behaviour, and are desparate for it to stop, but it’s just getting worse. It doesn’t happen at his day care, but happens at all non-day care settings.
We are lucky that we have a good number of friends with kids the same age, and none of the other kids are like this. With others, us parents can sit on the sofa and watch the kids play from a few metres away- obviously intervening/ joining in where necessary.
Its got to the point where I don’t want my son to play with this child any more because
a) the other kid doesn’t play with my son in a nice way anyway
b) I can’t stand to see someone take repeated swipes at my son, constantly. And I don’t want to have to be my sons bodyguard while the other child is around.
c) I don’t really enjoy seeing the parents anymore because we can’t even have a conversation because they are CONSTANTLY having to tell their son no, stop, etc.

i feel bad for this because it’s unlikely to be the child’s fault- I don’t know if he has a neurodevelopmental issue or if it’s the result of the way he’s been brought up.

anyway, AIBU to cut ties because of their child’s behaviour? It would make me sad, because I really really get on with the parents, but I can’t have my son treated like this.

you are being unreasonable = you should continue to be friends with this family
you are NOT being unreasonable = you should cut ties.

And no her child doesn’t have to be a punchbag, when they go out they need to be close to the children be there playing with them, being their to stop any situation arising- not going with the intention of a coffee and letting them play independently. And at 2 that should be the expectation anyway!!!

You dont need to be friends with anyone you dont want too.
You wont be the first or last to end a friendship over a child behaviour.

To those saying it is awful to suggest not meeting up, would you say the same if you were being forced to spend time with an adult who had a disability/mental illness which caused them to headbutt/hit/grab your throat every time you saw them? Of course not. So why should a child be exposed to this? If the child is doing this so frequently that the parents have to constantly be watching ready to pull apart, it is no fun for anyone.
I was in this situation. It was such a shame as my older child played beautifully with the older sibling but my toddler was being hurt every time we met(despite constant supervision) so we sadly had to stop seeing the family, despite really liking the Mum.
It doesn't mean you are judging the parents or the child, but keeping your child safe.

I went through this with a friend of mine. I didn't end the friendship. I could see she was trying her best and my DC wasn't overly bothered, he still wanted to play with my friends DC and wasn't phased by most of the swipes. Friends DC is 3 now and it happens a lot less.

The parents of the child who has to be watched constantly should be sitting on the floor, you mean?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

This. Not sure it's helpful to be such a martyr really

It's incredible isn't it. I'd protect my child above all. Some of the people on here are absolutely insane.

Or the child is masking at childcare and letting all the negative behaviour out at home

I’d see mum without kids for a bit. I ld say let’s leave the kids at home due to them clashing .

When you do meet with kids do it on neutral territory like a park.

It’s interesting reading the replies. A lot of them seem to be based on the assumption that the child is ND, what if they aren’t? What if they are just naughty and parents can’t handle it when they wrap their hands around another child’s neck? Believe it or not, some kids are just badly behaved. Some children do bite, push, hit, for no other reason than they don’t have boundaries. This may also explain why in this case, it doesn’t happen in nursery.

If I had a friend who couldn’t parent their child and my child was suffering, I would think less of them. Yes it’s different if there is a ND, but I would be by my child’s side, ready to swoop them up if needed.

I’m sorry to say that if the child was ND, and the parent wasn’t taking measures to oversee their child’s behaviour (ie intervene if getting rough or violent). Then I’d still have second thoughts about letting my child mix with this child.

There’s one thing being pushed or shoved, maybe in a play fighting sort of way, but op describes the other child as strangling her child and headbutting him. Thats pretty strong behaviour, and one I wouldn’t tolerant (and where did he learn this? Surely strangling isn’t common behaviour for a child of that age?).

In my experience, very young children don’t tend to mask at childcare because they’re just too young for that level of self control. It absolutely 100% can happen once they’re older at school though.

Really? I raised two boys myself (now teen & preteen) and spent a lot time around toddlers at one point and this sounds well outside the range of normal to me. I don't have easy answers, but the OP's child is absolutely entitled not to be treated like this.

Good point I wasn’t thinking of the age when I wrote it.

In that case, best solution is removing the child from the situation. Which clearly isn't happening here.

No point making excuses eh

Yes he may still be a baby
.But he is physically hurting other babies and small children

His parents are just making him worse by the sound of it. He is out on control and needs boundaries and support.