sending my DS to a waldorf rather than montessori nursery

[motheroflittledragon]

DS is now 18 months and while he has been the apple of my eye we are looking into sending him to nursery for 2 half days a week. We are still undecided if morning or afternoon works better for us. This is to socialise him as we have picked up on him being on the very shy side who struggles to interact with the other children when we take him to soft play. he is never mean or anything but he has a tendency to ignore them or stand to the side.

i really wanted to send him to a montessori nursery. having trained as a montessori teacher for the ages 3-6 i really see how the materials not only teach independence but also focus. of course i do know it is not a one size fits all.

here is the problem. i don’t drive so in that aspect am fully reliant on DH. i have tried to learn in the past but was told by my instructor i am unfortunately not suitable. the nearest montessori nursery is 30 minutes away but will probably be more during rush hour. there is a waldorf forest school near us which is realistically probably going to be the one we will have to sending him too. i do know it is very popular too but to me having experience with the montessori method it just seems so unstructured and i worry he will not be as advanced as he might have been with a montessori nursery and that they won’t be getting his full potential out of him. my friend did say that i could do montessori at home and waldorf at nursery but i really feel like i will need to focus even more on the materials we have at home which is more focus on top of it pretty much being on me to teach him mandarin as we have gone nc with my mother and i already feel at a mental exhaustion.

can someone just please tell me i am over thinking all this 😭

He'll be fine.

You’re overthinking all this

You are overthinking. He’s young and has plenty of time for structured learning - a forest school for nursery sounds great.

He is 18 months old - what potential are you expecting from him at nursery?

Not interacting with other kids at soft play or standing to the side is so normal at that age.

You are expecting too much. Just let him be a baby and grow into a lovely toddler.

Be careful OP you could ruin his entire life flight path if you don’t do Montessori

thank you for the responses. i do feel silly and he is able of great focus when he chooses i guess which is maybe why i worry if i do not nurture that focus at nursery he won’t reach his fullest potential.

it does not help at the nursery i did my practical hours there was one boy so focused that really ds reminds me of a little when he does focus who was so advanced with his maths that teachers were having to bring in material for two years older then his age

more focus on top of it pretty much being on me to teach him mandarin as we have gone nc with my mother

Why does going non-contact with your mother mean you have to teach your son mandarin at home?

Why on earth are you having to teach him Mandarin because you’ve gone Nc with your mother???

You want to socialise him and the forest school will absolutely do that. He's only 18 months, don't be too quick to pressure anything 'structured' on him.

I also wouldn't be too quick to give up on learning to drive on the basis of what one driving instructor has told you. Driving is such an important skill.

because it is my mother tongue and i am trying to raise him bilingually. unfortunately i have had gone nc with my mother so for in person i am the only mandarin exposure he has

I’d assume it’s her mother’s first language, and maybe OP’s first or second.

OP, it doesn’t matter which nursery as long as they are both good settings.

Agree you’re overthinking the nursery thing. He’s only 18mo. Surely if you’re a trained nursery teacher yourself you’re aware that it’s totally normal for dc not to play together at that age. TBH it’s more likely you’re getting yourself in a pickle with the mental exhaustion and putting way too much pressure on choices now impacting their future potential. Picking morning or afternoon is not that big a deal, pick one and see how it goes. It’s not about getting it right all the time as a parent or DC.

As an aside, was it just one person who told you you’re ’unsuitable’ for driving? Sounds like you needed a better instructor. Did you try learning in an automatic?

it is real. sorry you find that hard to believe. i mainly type on my phone with a baby that seems to think he is a human koala climbing all over me 😂🤣😂

Definitely go for the Montessori school. I do not think you will feel comfortable with the inability to measure progress at the Forest School. The Forest School teachers won’t really be thinking along the same lines as you - they will be happy if your dc has had fun and got muddy and joined in. I think this approach will make you anxious and feel like you are wasting dc time.

i agree with them. i am pretty much paralysed with fear behind the wheel where i was unable to drive faster then 5 even after 15 lessons as i am in my head convinced i won’t react fast enough to stop a accident if i drive faster

because it is my mother tongue and i am trying to raise him bilingually. unfortunately i have had gone nc with my mother so for in person i am the only mandarin exposure he has

Right, but that's your choice. If it's all too much and you're really stressed by it, just don't do it.

You sound like you are massively overthinking this and need a few more things to think about maybe. Once your child is settled, maybe find a different driving instructor and have another go-that will give you some independence. Or start working.

both dh and i agreed that teaching him what is 25% of his heritage is very important to us. i will speak to him in mandarin because it is important to me he speaks it or at least understands it on some level. i will introduce the other mother tongue once he is a bit older as it is a) closer to english and b) often taught in secondary school anyway so not as vital to introduce to him as early

He’s 18 months old. You can’t know how bright and capable he will be. You can’t know his learning style yet. If you want to increase his confidence, send him to the nearby school where he will learn through play and socialising.

For the driving maybe get some therapy first, then try again with a new instructor?

Children learn through play, don’t overthink things.

Have you tried learning in an automatic car?

And yes, you are overthinking nursery, if he's bright he will be bright wherever he is, nursery is a good place to learn social skills.

i tried therapy. let’s put it this way i am scared to steer a bumper car because i am worried i would hurt someone so i really don’t think driving is a realistic option for me 😂🤣😂

thank you for all the comments. the rational part of me does know i am massively overthinking everything and he will be fine

A question? Was one of your parents (maybe the mother you are now no contact with?) incredibly pushy if you academically? You are obviously incredibly anxious and I’m wondering if that comes from somewhere?