sending my DS to a waldorf rather than montessori nursery

[motheroflittledragon]

DS is now 18 months and while he has been the apple of my eye we are looking into sending him to nursery for 2 half days a week. We are still undecided if morning or afternoon works better for us. This is to socialise him as we have picked up on him being on the very shy side who struggles to interact with the other children when we take him to soft play. he is never mean or anything but he has a tendency to ignore them or stand to the side.

i really wanted to send him to a montessori nursery. having trained as a montessori teacher for the ages 3-6 i really see how the materials not only teach independence but also focus. of course i do know it is not a one size fits all.

here is the problem. i don’t drive so in that aspect am fully reliant on DH. i have tried to learn in the past but was told by my instructor i am unfortunately not suitable. the nearest montessori nursery is 30 minutes away but will probably be more during rush hour. there is a waldorf forest school near us which is realistically probably going to be the one we will have to sending him too. i do know it is very popular too but to me having experience with the montessori method it just seems so unstructured and i worry he will not be as advanced as he might have been with a montessori nursery and that they won’t be getting his full potential out of him. my friend did say that i could do montessori at home and waldorf at nursery but i really feel like i will need to focus even more on the materials we have at home which is more focus on top of it pretty much being on me to teach him mandarin as we have gone nc with my mother and i already feel at a mental exhaustion.

can someone just please tell me i am over thinking all this 😭

both dh and i agreed that teaching him what is 25% of his heritage is very important to us. i will speak to him in mandarin because it is important to me he speaks it or at least understands it on some level. i will introduce the other mother tongue once he is a bit older as it is a) closer to english and b) often taught in secondary school anyway so not as vital to introduce to him as early

Fine, that's your choice to teach him three languages. Don't complain about it being stressful though 😂

If that Montessori setting is so important to you and you feel you will never be able to be a competent driver, have you considered moving nearer to it?

I thought Waldorf was a type of salad.

he will not be as advanced as he might have been with a montessori nursery and that they won’t be getting his full potential out of him.

He is 18 month. He will do fine. Nursey isn't a race to advance the most.

Is Waldorf Steiner?

my mother was a very typical asian mother. let’s put it this way my mother repeatedly asked if i had tried him on the big keyboard we bought for her originally and put into the guest bedroom she was meant to stay at when i send her a video of him on the toy piano…

Which is fine. It's your kid. Not your mothers.
Lots of children grow up bilingual. You can use apps, books, childrens' programmes, songs, a teenager to babysit with a Chinese background and later a tutor.
It's quite common in UK to teach a child a heritage language.

Waldorf education is used today as the name for a modern educational direction developed on the basis of Steiner's thoughts on pedagogy and upbringing.

Ok then, you'd know that you don't need to "teach" him Mandarin at 18 months; you just need to speak to him in it. As he's with you all day, he'll just pick it up as any other baby would English. So that's not stressful.

If your DS is as advanced as you believe he is, it won't matter what method of preschool teaching he has.

If this is a genuine question, you might want to consider why you went nc with your mum and chill out a bit about "maximizing" your DS's potential.

unfortunately she proved to be not a safe adult around DS when she was with us and not only got drunk, high on pills she used DS as a bargaining chip when confronted that it was unacceptable. we gave her an olive branch after a year unfortunately she revealed that she still did not think she did not do anything wrong and blames dh for the issues so back to nc

Honestly joking aside, what the hell are the supposed benefits of Montessori anyway??

Waldorf Steiner is a cult. Google it and steer clear.

Look into Waldorf first. The philosophy is pretty racist. I wouldn't want to send my DC there, even though the racism supposedly isn't overt at the younger level. I wouldn't want teachers with that mentality teaching my DC.

Whatever suits you. I guess it's up to the parents to judge their choice og nursery not a random MNetter.

I think it's a great approach to childrens' development and education but a child won't fail life if not placed in a Montessori nursery.

And look how well your mother’s parenting has turned out! You are a nervous wreck. (Sorry - that sounds really rude - but you are. And that is from me who has a diagnosis of Anxiety.)

So maybe time to change the program. To let your boy enjoy being a boy and not worry so much about reaching potential.

My own view of Montessori / Steiner / the various other ones of these is that they all have some really good ideas. But they are also absolutely convinced that Their Ideas Are Right And Everyone Else Is Wrong. I have trouble with stuff like this. There is no method that works for every child.

Only pure maths is always right. (Which is why I love it!)

I'd send him to Waldorf in a heartbeat, but I think unstructured play is so important.

(Edited to add just read the philosophy is racist above so obviously would not if that is the case, it is the unstructured bit i liked in the OP.)

One thing I would say is what are your actual desires long-term for his education? Children who 'progress' super fast at a young age can so easily crash and burn, especially if there's pressure involved. Or they are too fixated on tangible markers of success (exam results, oxbridge degrees etc).

Far better to bring up a well rounded, confident child who is able to deal with the ups and downs of life, rather than worrying about pleasing their parents (or rebelling against that).

I met someone who once played the piano competitively (and brilliantly)- and now can't even look at a piano as it triggers terrifying childhood memories of pressure, parental expectations etc. Rather than music being a lifetime companion for them.

Not saying you're going to apply that kind of pressure of course but agree with PPs saying that you are overthinking it.

i do realise that and through therapy i also did realise how my mother had no respect for my boundaries or ability to see me as a person of my own and all together a narcissist.

thank you for reminding me of this

Pretentious parents can drop the M word and prove to world that they and their offspring are far superior in every single way. (Oh and boring wooden toys that children naturally ditch for exciting flashy colourful plastic if they have any free will in the matter - trust me, I’ve done the experiment.)

thank you for pointing that out. it really helped

trust me i did try the wooden toys 😂🤣😂 caved in the instant i saw DS look of joy when i bought that plastic moving dinosaur for tummy time

As the Dean of Cambridge, I throw every submission from a non-Montessori applicant into the bin.

Please don’t fail your child so early on, OP. For shame.

It is not a neutral choice. Waldorf (aka Waldorf Steiner) markets itself as unstructured, forest play, hippee - so innocent, what's not to like? - but there are some dangerous ideas unpinning the philosophy which the teachers have to buy into to teach there.

Life is dangerous you know. It's a nursery, relax.

OP, you have a way to go with addressing your anxiety.

Please do not put this on your child, he will pick up on an overanxious mother. You should consider other therapies, eg hypnotherapy to help with your specific driving anxiety, but it should help you in general. You are very uptight and overthinking things, sadly - it's a curse, not easy to deal with, from experience. But it is your job to manage yourself, for the best of you and your son.

He's 18 months old. Let him play in the mud, send him in, go to therapy, take your driving test and then send him to a Montessori nursery. You can achieve all this in one year or less - I promise you this. He'll have the best experiences and you'll win your life back. You're restricting him and yourself by not overcoming your fears.

I think because you don't drive you need to think about if you live within walking distance of a good primary school. Unless your dh will be doing school runs.
A forest school style nursery sounds great though.