Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hygiene and cleanliness peevs

81 replies

ellie09 · 27/10/2025 16:10

Hi all

I am a few months into cohabiting and there's a few things have started to annoy me and I just cannot understand!

Showering:
I need to shower at least once a day, especially before going to bed. I like to feel clean etc. I do realise that not everyone needs a shower everyday and can maybe skip a day.
DP thinks he can get away with twice a week (at the most) because he doesn't exercise and is quite sedentary.
He doesn't "smell" but there is at times, a musty smell off him, where I need to basically force him to shower. He prefers to just get up and mask with deodorant.
Then I just sound like an old nag or like his mother when I ask him to shower!
(I mainly do because its making the bed sheets smell!)

Laundry:
I would do the laundry mostly and ensure everything is smoothed out flat so it dries properly.
I was away with work and come home to him having done a load of laundry and its out to try all folded over or bundled up on the rack, and it was starting to smell, so it had to get washed again.
He has claimed he has always done it this way so doesnt see why I am so fussy.

General cleaning:
While I was away with work (and he was off) I asked him could he do some general housework like hoovering or wiping down surfaces etc but I come back and the place is slightly cleaner, but its obvious that it was done in 5/10 mins.

I hate lecturing and telling an almost 30 yo man what do to - but AIBU?

Do some people really need to be told things that I thought were pretty basic?

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 27/10/2025 16:11

Why would you move in with a man that only showers twice a week? Surely you pick up on that before? 🤨

FadedRed · 27/10/2025 16:15

I’d be moving out again, not wanting to live with an adult who cannot (will not) do the basics in regard to cleanliness and respect.

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 16:18

So op, but he sounds like a lazy minger. I couldn’t live with that.

ldnmusic87 · 27/10/2025 16:22

A huge deal breaker for me. He's not 14.

Tryingatleast · 27/10/2025 16:25

I’ll be honest your shower at least once a day is as bad as his twice a week- it just seems unnecessary! I’d agree with you on the clothes but if the house was clean enough it was clean enough, he doesn’t need to have cleaned the whole time you were away! (Yes you might possibly hate me!!!)

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 16:27

Why have you moved in with someone who clearly doesn’t meet your standards?

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 16:27

Tryingatleast · 27/10/2025 16:25

I’ll be honest your shower at least once a day is as bad as his twice a week- it just seems unnecessary! I’d agree with you on the clothes but if the house was clean enough it was clean enough, he doesn’t need to have cleaned the whole time you were away! (Yes you might possibly hate me!!!)

One shower a day is standard, anything less is borderline rank.

DaisyChain505 · 27/10/2025 16:32

So many red flags here.

the hygiene is gross. I hope you’re not having sex with him when he hasn’t showered for multiple days.

the effort around the house would be enough to end things too. He isn’t going to wake up one day and suddenly put in the effort. This is who he is and you’re going to grow to resent him more and more.

Enrichetta · 27/10/2025 16:32

This isn’t going to work, @ellie09 …

MathsMum3 · 27/10/2025 16:32

Yes, people have different standards, and what's "basic" for you might not be for him.
Do you like him enough to spend time and effort training him? It might be possible if he's always lived with parents or shared accommodation previously. You'll need to explain how to clean a kitchen and hang out laundry, and that showering infrequently is a real turn-off. But whatever you do, you shouldn't accept this standard now, otherwise he'll never change.

Whyjustwhy83 · 27/10/2025 16:34

You just described my partner to a tee and it's exhausting and won't get any better. I'm 2 yrs in and he showers less then your do and does smell and I'm constantly having to nag until he'll wash. He wasn't as bad at the beginning, get out now as you'll end up arguing all the time,I wish I had.

CupboardOfDoomFear · 27/10/2025 16:38

End it. Seriously. I have just ended a 4 year relationship after 18 months cohabiting and he just got worse throughout it. He did less and less, I lost all respect and love for him. I didn't want to be close to or intimate with him. You'll spend your time "nagging" which will make you lose respect for him. He should have basic hygiene standards, out of basic consideration.

ShesTheAlbatross · 27/10/2025 16:46

I don’t understand how it got to the point of cohabiting? Surely you knew how often he showered? Where did he live before, what state was it in? Was he keeping his place tidy before you moved in, and then now you’ve moved in he sees it as your job? Or was his place always cleaned to below what you’d be happy with?

Overtheatlantic · 27/10/2025 16:48

Christ. It’s disgusting to not shower every day. People shit. That alone should be enough to make someone jump in the shower with a bar of soap for 5 minutes at least.

DoYouReally · 27/10/2025 17:03

Are you going to have to nag him to undertake the most basic hygiene further next 60 years?

Move out and get someone who isn't filthy.

StripyShirt · 27/10/2025 17:12

Very few people need to shower every day. Twice per week should be fine unless he has some sort of physical problem. Having said that, showering before sex is the polite thing to do.

StripyShirt · 27/10/2025 17:13

Very few people need to shower every day. Twice per week should be fine unless he has some sort of physical problem. Having said that, showering before sex is the polite thing to do.

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 17:15

StripyShirt · 27/10/2025 17:13

Very few people need to shower every day. Twice per week should be fine unless he has some sort of physical problem. Having said that, showering before sex is the polite thing to do.

Totally disagree, one shower a day is a necessity for me and everyone I know.

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 17:24

Daily shower not necessry and can be harmful o your skin

partner being able to smell him and him using deodorant to cover up smells - he needs more showers

susiedaisy1912 · 27/10/2025 17:26

yuck what a lazy git he is, I’d be moving back out to be honest.

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 17:26

No 😑 I have night sweats, it would be disgusting for myself and everyone around me if I didn’t shower first thing in the morning. Trust me, you might think you’re doing fine with 2 showers a week but your colleagues and whoever is stuck next to you on a bus will think differently.

outerspacepotato · 27/10/2025 17:38

Personally, I wouldn't have been dating someone who only showered twice a week for very long. Add in musty smelly clothes and stinky sheets, um no. Moving in, oh hell no.

I can see every other day when there's skin issues and that, but sorry, when bacteria starts growing on you, I can smell it. Ick.

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/10/2025 17:41

BallerinaRadio · 27/10/2025 16:11

Why would you move in with a man that only showers twice a week? Surely you pick up on that before? 🤨

This! I couldn't go on sharing a bed, much less engaging in sexual activities, with someone who only showered twice a week.

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/10/2025 17:42

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 17:24

Daily shower not necessry and can be harmful o your skin

partner being able to smell him and him using deodorant to cover up smells - he needs more showers

"Harmful" how? I've been showering at least once a day and usually twice, for over 40 years now. My skin is fine.