Hygiene and cleanliness peevs

[ellie09]

Hi all

I am a few months into cohabiting and there's a few things have started to annoy me and I just cannot understand!

Showering:
I need to shower at least once a day, especially before going to bed. I like to feel clean etc. I do realise that not everyone needs a shower everyday and can maybe skip a day.
DP thinks he can get away with twice a week (at the most) because he doesn't exercise and is quite sedentary.
He doesn't "smell" but there is at times, a musty smell off him, where I need to basically force him to shower. He prefers to just get up and mask with deodorant.
Then I just sound like an old nag or like his mother when I ask him to shower!
(I mainly do because its making the bed sheets smell!)

Laundry:
I would do the laundry mostly and ensure everything is smoothed out flat so it dries properly.
I was away with work and come home to him having done a load of laundry and its out to try all folded over or bundled up on the rack, and it was starting to smell, so it had to get washed again.
He has claimed he has always done it this way so doesnt see why I am so fussy.

General cleaning:
While I was away with work (and he was off) I asked him could he do some general housework like hoovering or wiping down surfaces etc but I come back and the place is slightly cleaner, but its obvious that it was done in 5/10 mins.

I hate lecturing and telling an almost 30 yo man what do to - but AIBU?

Do some people really need to be told things that I thought were pretty basic?

Give over a daily shower is normal

PinkyFlamingo

op said at least once a day which to me said more than once a day. Fine iIn the summer when you’re sweating in the morning and after work but I just find it a bit much in cold weather.

If you can't accept these things and he isn't willing to change, there are only two questions you need to ask: can you live with it for the rest of your life and if not, then what do you want to do about it?

Personally, I've not yet seen anyone successfully force anyone to change. You can only change your own perspective. If that's not possible, then it's either a never ending conflict or you need to part ways before the said conflict ruins your lives.

OK, so, I had a friend like this. Not a partner, but a good friend. I didn’t realise how bad it was until I went to stay with them for a week. It was so horrendous that part way through my stay I sat them down and asked if anyone had ever actually taught them how to keep themselves and their home hygienic, and pleasant for others to be around. It was an embarrassing conversation all round, but this was a good friend and I felt I owed it to them. I ended up giving them a crash course in home cleaning and personal hygiene, and left them with a list of suggestions stuck on the notice board in the kitchen. It genuinely did help them. Given that this man is a partner, someone you are living with, I think you are going to have to do the same, and to explain that these are non-negotiable, these are basic standards for adult living that he needs to adhere to. Good luck.

I wouldn't move in with someone who doesn't shower at least once a day full stop, let alone put up with it for several months.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who would be ok with ME not showering at least once a day either.

I don't agree that the dirty smell you prefer is better than the clean smells you dislike.