Hygiene and cleanliness peevs

[ellie09]

Hi all

I am a few months into cohabiting and there's a few things have started to annoy me and I just cannot understand!

Showering:
I need to shower at least once a day, especially before going to bed. I like to feel clean etc. I do realise that not everyone needs a shower everyday and can maybe skip a day.
DP thinks he can get away with twice a week (at the most) because he doesn't exercise and is quite sedentary.
He doesn't "smell" but there is at times, a musty smell off him, where I need to basically force him to shower. He prefers to just get up and mask with deodorant.
Then I just sound like an old nag or like his mother when I ask him to shower!
(I mainly do because its making the bed sheets smell!)

Laundry:
I would do the laundry mostly and ensure everything is smoothed out flat so it dries properly.
I was away with work and come home to him having done a load of laundry and its out to try all folded over or bundled up on the rack, and it was starting to smell, so it had to get washed again.
He has claimed he has always done it this way so doesnt see why I am so fussy.

General cleaning:
While I was away with work (and he was off) I asked him could he do some general housework like hoovering or wiping down surfaces etc but I come back and the place is slightly cleaner, but its obvious that it was done in 5/10 mins.

I hate lecturing and telling an almost 30 yo man what do to - but AIBU?

Do some people really need to be told things that I thought were pretty basic?

A red flag to me is a warning that a relationship is not going to last. No matter what the reason.

Why are you putting up with this? You can get out too.

This.
And yes we can smell the musty/beddy/old smell on those that don’t.

Imagine having this man as a dad to your kids. RUN op

I'll bet he showered more often before you lived together. He's got you now. Sorry you didn't see this coming. Please don't get pregnant.

Every other day is fine

Showering twice a week is not enough. Most men I know are hairy and sweaty so need to wash more. I think he is likely to get lazier over time.

Surely it's normal to wash though - best to use a lota.

The lack of showers would be a definite turn off for me. The musty washing does not surprise me- i have noticed this on single male colleagues.

How would you know who has or has not showered daily? There's a difference between not smelling of shampoo and actually having BO.

We all smell of something, being mammals, and there's nothing wrong with that. Saying that people stink after not showering for twenty-four hours is ridiculous in most cases, however.

I am amazed that so many friends give me random hugs when we meet or leave given I don’t shower every day and therefore absolutely must smell totally rank - they must be so brave

and no I don’t drive hugs as I am not that effusive

It’s a kind of musty/oily/greasy smell, and tbh most adults do have BO if they haven’t showered that day. Plus a lot of people smell of garlic/food oils in their sweat too, which is even stronger the next day. (Lots of eg. jarred pasta sauces, pizzas etc. have garlic powder or garlic concentrate added, for example, so people often eat quite a bit of garlic without noticing it.) But those of us with sensitive senses of smell do notice!

It would take more than a day to start smelling like that. More likely to be either dirty clothes or stale deodorant - both worse than most body odour.

I've got a fairly sensitive nose and find scented washing powder, air fresheners, artificial scents, and deodorant smells on people really unpleasant. Give me BO over that lot any day!

But each to his/her own 🙂

😳 this is grim. If u defacate daily, sweat etc, why wouldn't you want to shower daily?

Showering every other day is fine, at this time of year in the UK anyway. I'd hate to have someone checking up on how often I shower. The laundry thing is just weaponised incompetence though and he needs to learn how to do it properly as it's just pointless and wasteful his way.

The thing is how much does any of this bother you? DH can be a bit messy and scruffy, and so can I, although I am more organised. There is no fundamental lack of compatibility on it. Whereas if you have a neat freak and someone who is messy, one or both of you are going to get very annoyed and may not be able to live together.

These threads always end up arguing amongst ourselves about showering frequency. Once a day is my preference doesn’t have to take ages just in wash and out again. Hair washing 3/4 times a week obviously takes longer.
However if your new boyfriend isn’t on his best behaviour now then he never will be. I’d leave.

Can't you have a relationship without living together.

It’s always an eye opener to see how many people are fine with very poor hygiene!

Oh god that’s gross. Even once a day is gross! How can anyone get dressed in the morning without showering ? And how can anyone get into bed without showering? Twice a day minimum here! Imaging having sex with someone who hasn’t showered for 2-3 days !!!

It's always an eye opener to see what clean freaks other people are on Mumsnet. No wonder women say they have no time for hobbies when they are washing towels after every use and having a shower several times a day. I wonder that they have any skin left.

Oh good grief yes - I smell a lot more horrible chemical smells than BO when out and about - laundry, perfumes , deodorants - why are people so obsessed about fake smells ?

Eh? Total hyperbole. Having a shower once a day isn’t remotely the same as washing towels after every use or showering “several times a day”.

Shower every day, or twice if going out after work or after the gym / pool
Change underwear every day.
Fresh towels 3 times a week, otherwise hang up to dry in between showering.
Fresh clean bedding at least twice a week, more often in the summer if very hot n sticky.
Clean pyjamas every other night.
Wash jeans once a week.

Twice a week is not enough - I do miss an occasional day if I’m not doing much but I do think I have a bit of a stink the next morning (I am now single and would never have got into bed with anyone if I hadn’t showered that day).

Some days I have a quick wash in the sink and maybe a long bath at night.

Those who say showering too often is bad surely can only mean if you’re in the shower for ages scrubbing vigorously - a quick freshen up has surely never damaged anyone?

He showers twice a week? That would be it for me 🤢