DH upset about his childhood diet.

[Fussyeater321]

Name change for this as it could be outing…

Yesterday we got onto the conversation of DH’s childhood diet. He started it that during his whole childhood he wasn’t never not allowed something because he had already had enough sweet treats/it wasn’t healthy/needed to eat something healthy etc. DH got quite serious (obviously been on his mind for a while) and said I could never really understand how bad his diet was. I knew that his dad made him chicken nuggets for breakfast before school everyday (primary school!), that the first time he ever remembers trying any vegetable was with his ex and that his mum always told him that he wouldn’t like pizza/curry/pasta/any normal meal.

He said that in primary school him and his brother would usually have some sort of club every night of the week. He would either get in the car to southern-fried chicken and chips waiting for him or he’d have to run into the chicken shop before they got home. He always wanted to try pizza/go to Pizza Hut parties but was told he wouldn’t like it as he didn’t like cheese or tomatoes etc. Countless times I’ve heard his mum tell them both in restaurants that they won’t like something because they’ll be hidden garlic/onion/cream etc in it.

Both DH and his brother has some pretty bad health conditions as kids. Both of them had skin issues, DH sometimes had to get in the bath to peel his clothes off and his brother had the district nurse coming out to him regularly to change his dressings. DH was under a children’s hospital specialist for a few years as he had such bad migraines he’d be bed bound for days. Both MIL and FIL have had cancer, they eat a much wider range of food than the boys in childhood but apart from baking cakes or making curry from scratch I’m sure all of their food comes prepared/heat up only.

His mum is always moaning about their fussiness as kids, that she had to cook different meals every night as one would want ‘burgers and chips’ whilst the other one wanted chicken wings and chips. Apparently I’ve got all this to come once my DC can have an opinion on what they eat.. apparently DH ate normal food until he was 18 months old. DH literally ate no diary, eggs, vegetables, very limited fruit and only drank fizzy drinks (wouldn’t drink anything at school). Even on Xmas day him and his brother would be served up meat, chips, gravy and yorkshires. Again he cannot remember trying any other type of potato apart from crisps or chips until he was an adult…

Now my big issue is that she’s starting to try to put DD off her food. DD loves mushrooms which MIL will always make a huge deal how ‘yucky’ they are. DH ordered DD grilled chicken, mash and sweet corn and MIL was trying to insist that DD should be allowed chips (she was 18 months old) and making a big deal how the poor kid was getting excited over a corn on the cob…There’s also lots of comments how mean we were as we weren’t weaning DD on cake/ice cream/chocolate. She’s always telling DH how mean he is for limiting sweet treats…

MIL is a wonderful baker, PIL have never had any financial worries and invested a lot of time into the boys in all other areas of their lives. Neither DH or his brother are ND and both now eat loads of different foods. There’s still some deep rooted food issues but fortunately DH is adamant that our kids won’t grow up the same.

🤣🤣

You see far too much of your MIL, and she has too many opinions.

It sounds to me like if she’d cared about what they ate they might have been much less poorly.

id support my dh in how he feels and say for the next few months while you think we will avoid your pil for meal times, but if we try again with seeing them at food times I will have to tell your mum that vegetables are healthy and the more different vegetables they eat the better, we dont allow talking about vegetables and healthy food in negative ways, im sure you understand. Please dont do that again.

That’s hilarious! I’m an atrocious cook, like very bad. It’s like I have ADHD in respect of cooking. Everytime I try to follow a recipe something goes horribly wrong. I burnt two pots making a lasagne recently. I was told a had to provide a cake for the school bake sale recently and it was both burnt and had lines in it like cracks in the equator. I tried to cut it into “brownies” and it crumbled. I also managed to F up the icing.

I can’t cook on instinct either. My carrots are probably undercooked. And I can’t really season as u grew up in a household with no salt as my dad had a heart condition.

I still manage not to feed my kids total crap though. They eat a lot of raw vegetables!

I agree with PP - no visits or contact around meal times. There are some serious food issues there and you don't want it rubbing off on any way o to your own DC.

That sounds like abuse and/or neglect.

Keep your MIL away from your DD. She'll screw up her eating.

Give DH a hug from me to his childhood self.

I bet MIL will claim she cooked healthy varied food for him and his brother.

You need, as others have said, boundaries. I would not be inviting her to any meal unless she cuts it out.

I know a similar parent. She constantly tells her DC (and anyone who’ll listen) about how DC is ND and will only eat her ‘safe foods’.
However when said DC is at my house she will try most things and enjoys some of them.
It really gets my goat but there’s not a lot I can do as the woman is adamant about it. Really weird and damaging to DC

DH is adamant that our kids won’t grow up the same

Well I’d say that’s a little optimistic given what you describe is going on and fact that you and DH allow this woman around your children

Some harsh advice I don't see that you really need to get rid of your MIL by any stretch as it shouldn't affect your kids if she says oh mushrooms are gross or let them have cake

That all sounds very sad, your husband's food memories of his childhood.

But are you sure the memories are entirely accurate? We see so many posters on here whose children will only eat nuggets/plate of mash/white bread/toast etc., for every meal. They are told 'that's fine, it's food, just get something in them'.

I wonder how they'll remember their childhood meals.

I had the opposite problem when I was growing up. My parents are older boomers and were raised just after the war years. Every evening meal for us was boiled potatoes, veg, meat and gravy. Every day. They still eat that way now. They are also what I see termed as an "ingredients" household. We never had snacks. On a Sunday we may have had a vignetta.
When I met my now husband at 18, his family ate all sorts and I was blown away. I had never had a takeaway of any kind , never had pizza or pasta, occasionally a McDonald's if going to a party. Unfortunately for me that resulted in me eating all of this new stuff id never had before and completely ditching veg etc. I'm in my 40s now and still not able to eat properly. And I am hugely overweight.
I try really hard to let my children eat everything. Healthy and unhealthy so nothing is restricted and hopefully doesn't cause them to want to binge on it as a result. I dont know if im doing the right thing or not

It doesn’t really make sense which is why maybe your DH needs to chat to his parents to clarify.

For example, the breakfast. It’s cheaper, easier and quicker to give children a bowl of cereal for breakfast than cook some chicken nuggets! So there must have been a reason. I’m thinking maybe they were told to avoid dairy? For the eczema. And they did it in a clumsy way. Maybe they knew they’d eat chicken nuggets so at least they’d actually have food in their stomach before school…many kids don’t get breakfast. The DF was clearly taking some time to cook these chicken nuggets!

Maybe vegetables caused a flare up? So they had to have a very plain diet.
I can’t think of any other reason why parents would not offer any fruit to their children for example.

Unless they have psychological problems and are hugely abusive it doesn’t make sense. There may be an element of misremembering too.

The husband remembers having chicken nuggets everyday for breakfast. To me that sounds like that's all the child would eat so the dad made that for them to have before school, which would indicate effort on his part, rather giving just a bowl of cereal.

Also, he remembers only trying vegetables when he was with his ex, so no vegetables until an adult, not even school lunches?

PILs sound a bit strange but I would cut them some slack for what they fed their children - I think there are some distorted childhood memories here.

Crossed posts with you - I've said almost the same!

I don't hold anything against people who can't cook or dont enjoy it tbh but I think the thing that reallt grates me with DM is that she THINKS she's a good cook but isnt 🤣 she'll sit at the dinner table ggoing on about how lovely the meal is she's cooked (and happily eating it all) while everyone else is forcing themselves to eat it. Hence I'm convinced no tastebuds!

I would tell her if you want advice from
someone who gave their child chicken nuggets for breakfast their entire childhood you will ask, otherwise to be quiet and stop putting dd off her food.

Yes! There must be a reason for chicken nuggets rather than ‘let’s give them some unhealthy processed food’. As a bowl of cereal is easier. Or a piece of toast and jam. I think there is more to this.

The inlaws have some serious mental health illnesses going on here and they should really be assessed! This is not normal behaviour, and it's quite abusive. Otherwise, they are just a pair of bullies who have grown up on a beige diet, and look down their nose at foreign foods - Are they racist at all? All of the foods you mentioned might be exotic to them. They sound utterly bizarre! I would be keeping my children well away from them!

Sounds like my brother's eczema tbh. 70s rather than 80s but he had an awful time with his skin. He loved orange squash (neat), ketchup, Angel Delight, anything with tartrazine. It wasn't neglect and the family diet was fairly varied however nobody knew about azo dyes and e-numbers. As a result brother was a frequent flier at St John's Skin hospital.
I've wondered since if a whole food diet would have helped.

I personally wouldn't take advice on what to eat from a person who obviously had (and still doesn't have) any idea about nuitrition. Having come from a home where only basic foods were cooked myself I can confirm its a form of neglect. Throughout the summer, I generally lived on cheese or ham sandwiches and through the winter it was canned food, soup, baked beans etc. Psychologically, its damaging and embarrassing when you go to your future husband's home for the first time and don't know what a melon is. My sympathies are with your husband. All you can do is bring your children up to enjoy nutritious foods and just get your DH to tell your MIL exactly what you want to feed your own child. She also needs to know her way is not the only way. Good luck.

This - neglectful and abusive l would have very little contact with MIL.

Dear God! My XH would only eat chicken & chips or scrambled eggs on toast when we got married. He freaked out if I mentioned rice! He came round when I just gave him a chicken curry & rice. It turned out that when I said 'rice' he thought I meant Ambrosia rice pudding. God know what he'd been eating as a child.