Am I being unreasonable to be petty?

[Livpool]

This has been going on for a few years now but has really started to grate. I have 2 female cousins (they are twins )in their 30s. One lives at home with parents and the other is married with a child.

No matter the occasion we get a card (and sometimes a present if for DS) it signed from twin 1, twin 2, twin 1’s DH and DS. It annoys me more than it should and I don’t generally think about it but my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

I said I was just going to buy a present for their DS and everyone else gets a card. This has blown up and their mum is angry with me for being stingy. I didn’t really care and ignored it but now other family members are being dragged in! Madness!

But - am I being stingy or petty? I know you don’t give to receive but it’s more the effort, or lack of it towards me and my family.

Why should her moving in the new year be a reason you suddenly start giving her money?

Has she ever demanded money before?

my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

So, a grown woman's father is ringing family on her behalf, asking for money? It's so unreasonable. How is she not dying of embarrassment? YANBU.

No but I know they do expect presents - it has been commented on that I don’t buy presents for them. Never blown up before - just snide comments from their mum and occasionally twin 1 (who doesn’t even sign cards to us as twin 2 writes it all!)

How odd. Are you significantly older than the twins? No way would I be giving cousins in their 30s my money as a gift. Your parents could do that, but it's not on you to fund your peers. Plus that just gets daft as you could request money from them for your gift and then you're just swapping tenners back and forth.

As you may see - she is quite bratty! She never messages me directly actually. I messaged and sent a card when she had her DS and got nothing back…

You want to stop doing presents for the adults in the family ? Just stop

are you much older than your cousins ? I can’t see how this set up developed anyway

Right well then how can they kick off at you when she can't even muster a text or dawb her name on a card someone else bought? They're off their rockers.

Noone should expect presents. Its very entitled.

I was once told my present wasnt good enough for my mum for a birthday. It was all I could afford. I stopped buying presents for several years after that.

Exactly!

Id be replying to my uncle saying I want cash gifts, from both twin 1 and twin 2 - or they get nothing (as we havent been receiving gofts from them for a while). If they are old enough to be married and moving out they generally dont fit into the "kids get gifts" situation

Just send a card and say you can't afford to buy adults presents.

So they give a present from...."the twins"
But expect presents as individuals?

It's not you that's stingy.

I am 12 years older than them. I just don’t know why I am expected to spend money and make an effort when we get 1 card from 3 adults - only 2 of whom live together.

I don’t understand why twin 2 send a card with all their names in anyway . It twin 1 isn’t bothered about cards and presents then leave her name off.

Twin 1 is a bit a brat, even now. And she tells everyone she is twin number 1 as she is 19 minutes older. None of this would have really even registered if random other cousins weren’t texting me about this drama I have apparently caused.

I wouldnt be saying "I cant afford". That's justification where none is needed.

Ask why they expect gifts when they don’t send any?

Haha tell your uncle to grow up and give her some money himself. Pathetic.

I'd let everyone know that I will gift money to people at my own discretion and there will not enter into any further conversation about it.

Well damn, their lives must be thunderously dull if a grown woman asking her dad to ask a cousin for money is the biggest event of the year.

I do presets for aunts and uncles and did for the twins (sorry we all call them that!) but recently it hit me I am buying for twin 1, twin 2, DH and DS. And last year I got a Dove gift set from the 4 of them - and nothing for DH. DS does get a present hit I doubt anyone but twin 2 knows that has been bought

Twins, DH and their DS. It annoys me but I have never given it that much thought but I seem to have pissed them off

Does the uncle realise they don't send you a present?
Am I right in thinking that it's only children you buy for? If so I would just be saying that.

Okay I guess the age difference makes them (conveniently for them) deem you some kind of auntie/more grown up cousin who should bestow gifts on them when they don't do likewise, but there's FA reason for you to go along with that. I wouldn't get hung up on the cards as it's fine to phase cards out now anyway, but definitely don't be drawn into this gift nonsense and it's not petty of you at all. No apologies or reasons needed, just nope you won't be doing that, obviously.

Just say you are going to continue not to supply gifts for the adults. You don't wish for any gifts from them either. Say you'll just be buying for the children. They sound really grabby!

😂

Mine too to be fair but I assume I am the talk of that side of the family. I am not that exciting ha

Send them a fiver "for twin 1, twin 2 and twin 1's husband - divide it up as you see fit!"

Tacky so and so

Or a Dove gift set for the 3 adults to share

Why should you send money to an adult? That's ridiculous.

I send cash to my teen nephews and nieces, up until they leave college. Then I stop. They are adults like me, they can earn their own money. If one of them moves house, I might buy them a bottle of wine but that's all.