Am I being unreasonable to be petty?

[Livpool]

This has been going on for a few years now but has really started to grate. I have 2 female cousins (they are twins )in their 30s. One lives at home with parents and the other is married with a child.

No matter the occasion we get a card (and sometimes a present if for DS) it signed from twin 1, twin 2, twin 1’s DH and DS. It annoys me more than it should and I don’t generally think about it but my uncle (their father) messaged me the other day saying twin 1 is requesting money for Christmas as they are moving in the new year.

I said I was just going to buy a present for their DS and everyone else gets a card. This has blown up and their mum is angry with me for being stingy. I didn’t really care and ignored it but now other family members are being dragged in! Madness!

But - am I being stingy or petty? I know you don’t give to receive but it’s more the effort, or lack of it towards me and my family.

Buy one of those for them all to share this Christmas and then draw a line 😉😂

A simple but firm message stating that with cost of living crisis/ stress / hassle / whatever from now on only monetary gifts for children under 18

and make it clear you want it reciprocated
polite light hearted but clear and firm
I’d do it in person on the phone or face to face is best

Yep - although they may have just offered! I remember a green and a yellow one. I can’t remember which one I broke.

I imagine so - I am actually quite laidback so I ignore a lot of it and/or don’t really care

😂

Or just say you're spending it on wine ( I say that in sm instead of sending cards!)

Wow!!

i would t even be worried about responding. If they have a dig then be truthful and state it’s a bit ridiculous and would be very one sided. If they think they’re morally in the right here, call a spade a spade and be done with it.

Even better, all 4 of them!

Any adults of their age expecting presents at Christmas are behaving like children. Such petulant immaturity is unbelievable.

More and more people are limiting gifts to under 18 or 21 now and that is right and sensible especially these days.

I'd lose my shit with the lot of them TBH, so I'll shut up now.

My message has been read by all. Ha glad it is not just me being petty. I can be a bit of doormat and obviously have been here too!

I will call for you if they don’t respond well ha

Don't feel bad. It can take a lot of mental strength to stick up for yourself and go against dominant and overbearing people.

You have done the right thing and your husband is supporting you.

Stay strong.

You are not being petty. They are all being drama queens and the cousins should have the guts to speak for themselves

They're telling you what to give a grown adult for Xmas. She's lucky to get any presents. Wonders will never cease.

The father needs to back off.

Just say we are cutting back this year, if she wants to phone I’ll tell her.

This has been brewing for a while and your uncle has messaged to force the situation . What are the family members who are messaging you saying ?
I would have got a dove set and given it to them jointly ! YANBU

Sounds like they are the "babies" of the family? I do think you get some weird family dynamics like this at times, where certain people are seen as somehow deserving of being treated like teenagers despite being in their 30s. You're not being stingy for many reasons, a) it's actually nothing to do with anyone who you gift to and what you gift, it's your discretion, some years we feel flush and give more, to more people, some years we don't and for various reasons do token gifts or limit gifting b) the whole two twins on one card/gift is actually stingy, to be honest, it's ruder to twin 2 who is paying for and doing all the leg work - twin 1 is taking the p out of her too and if I were her I'd tell her and her whole family to jog on, no chance my sisters family is claiming all my emotional and financial labour as their own c) asking for cash is really tacky and her dad asking you is plain bonkers, they sound very "babied", same with everyone leaping to their defense, it sounds like they're very immature.
Do whatever you wish to do, and they can be grateful for anything they get even if it's just a card.

Thank you. And thanks to others too.

I had 1 response to my message - from my uncle saying “noted”.
DH laughed and said “what are they going to do a get both our names wrong and nothing for DS” 😂😂

Another cousin said there is gossip about me going round but he has a baby with croup so CBA and he hates ‘the twins’ anyway lol.

I really appreciate everyone who has replied - I think because I am generally laidback (and a bit of a doormat) I do let a lot of things slide but this just pissed me off. Have to buy my own Dove body wash now I suppose…

Id be more inclided to be generous with twin 2 but i think its reasonable with adult family members to do cards and gifts for the children.

Id just ignore DU

I am buying for twin 1, twin 2, DH and DS. And last year I got a Dove gift set from the 4 of them - and nothing for DH.

I would have said that to the uncle.

You'll put the money for a Dave set (split between the two of them) into a card for them.

Put a fiver in her Christmas card. Seriously though, they all sound bonkers and I can’t believe your other cousins (are they siblings or cousins of the twatty twins?) are accusing YOU of causing drama!

Just stop with gifts all together.
Wish them all the best and don't bother with them if you don't have too.. I can't stand entitled people.
As for the father contacting you for her .. I wouldn't send anything after that .

Send a card addressed to twin 1,2 and their family. Pop £20 in it.

Meet people with the same energy they give you.

I’m a twin mum and it really irks me when people buy them a gift or card to share, if they were born on different dates they’d get one each. So as twins they should know better. Stick to your guns and ignore. They’re stingy!

Other cousins - they aren’t blaming me as they know what they are like! Just had a few texts saying have kicked the hornets next ha. They seem to treat everyone else the same

How I do christmas - if family members have kids, their kids get the presents. If they don't have kids, they get a present.