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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to cancel?

89 replies

Barsketcase · 27/10/2025 08:04

I’m a single Mum to 2 adult DS in their 20s who live at home.
I don’t get to go out often, no holiday this year as money is tight despite me working, and I’ve been helping out my elderly DM most days. I’m exhausted!
My friend got us tickets for an evening west end show and we’ve booked a hotel, so we can have 2 days in London for ourselves.
My DS who’s 23, was booked for a minor op this week and this has now been delayed to the date I’m in London (day 2)
I told him he’d have to get a taxi to the hospital. His Dad is not involved and everyone else will be at work but he’s really upset that I’m not going to take him when he is going for an op. He’s accused me of putting myself before him, not caring, letting him go alone when he’s nervous.
Do I cancel the trip, let my friend down and lose the money? All tickets are non refundable, as is the hotel.

OP posts:
PolaDeVeboise · 27/10/2025 08:06

He’s 23, not 3. He’s an adult. I think you should go and enjoy yourself.

hellsbells99 · 27/10/2025 08:06

Can your other adult DS book a couple of hours off work and take him?

SpanThatWorld · 27/10/2025 08:07

I have sons the same age. They would be booking themselves an Uber, not asking me for a lift.

SisSuffragette · 27/10/2025 08:07

Can the op be moved? It's tricky OP, I think id want to be there if your DS doesn't have a partner, but I'd not be cancelling your trip for it

GetOffTheRoof · 27/10/2025 08:08

What's the op? How minor?

He needs to ask a friend, partner, his brother to pick him up IMO.

I had ops at his age and took a friend, not a parent!

Anditstartedagain · 27/10/2025 08:08

Does he have a friend or other adult who can go with him? Is there is no one at home he may not be able come home that night.

Irenesortof · 27/10/2025 08:08

Don’t cancel! If he was having major surgery I’m sure you would put him first, but this is about convenience and you should put your special day above your adult child’s convenience.

Stillgroupie · 27/10/2025 08:09

All he needs to do is ring up and say that he's not available for the rescheduled date. You say it's a minor op, so no problem with doing that.

Vaxtable · 27/10/2025 08:09

I would want my parent there, and as a parent I would want to be there. But you booked all this before you knew the op was going to take place. So I would say it depends what it is as to if I would cancel my trip .

childofthe607080s · 27/10/2025 08:10

minor op, out same day ? They may insist that there is someone at home/ to collect him - but the other young adult can do that

he doesn’t need mum for this though !

no way cancel such a treat for something so minor

MagpiePi · 27/10/2025 08:10

I think my similar aged DSs would be mortally embarrassed to turn up for a minor op with their mum.
Go and enjoy your mini break.

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 08:11

Kind of depends on the nature of the operation.

Frynye · 27/10/2025 08:13

At 23!! Tell him to stop being selfish or to rearrange the date of the op.

Bladderpool · 27/10/2025 08:13

MagpiePi · 27/10/2025 08:10

I think my similar aged DSs would be mortally embarrassed to turn up for a minor op with their mum.
Go and enjoy your mini break.

Why? I think that’s actually quite odd, my dc have never been embarrassed by my presence, especially not in a healthcare setting.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 27/10/2025 08:35

It depends what the op is

BraOffPjsOn · 27/10/2025 08:38

When I had my op I had to be dropped off at the doors and then collected when I was discharged so there’s no point you cancelling your trip when you won’t be able to wait with him anyway, if he’s that anxious about it all he needs to reschedule to a time when you’re around.

themerchentofvenus · 27/10/2025 08:42

He is an adult.

If he that badly needs you to go with him then he needs to postpone the op or get his sibling to go with him.

You should absolutely NOT cancel your trip to London.

He is the one being selfish here.

notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 08:44

No , he’s 23 don’t cancel. If he has a general he will need someone around overnight , will his sibling be home that night ?

Inertia · 27/10/2025 08:46

Given that the hospital have already rescheduled, can he say that he’s u able to attend on that day and ask for it to be moved? If it’s minor I’m guessing that it isn’t urgent or life-threatening?

FuzzyWolf · 27/10/2025 08:46

No, don’t cancel.

Can you compromise and somebody else take him?

CrazyGoatLady · 27/10/2025 08:49

I was living 300 miles away from family at 23. Unless there are any SEN here, DS is being wet - and also rather selfish, given you are a carer for your mum and get little free time. It's not like you planned it this way. The bare cheek of adult children to demand you cancel your plans to ferry them about. If he's really that anxious about the op, he can rearrange, he can just tell the hospital he has nobody to help with transport so it needs to be another day.

His life is not more important than yours now. He's a grown up, and grown ups who need help from their parents ask respectfully and don't throw tantrums when their parents have other plans. FFS.

Homegrownberries · 27/10/2025 08:50

He might not be let leave by himself afterwards. Is he having a general anesthetic?

ComfortFoodCafe · 27/10/2025 08:51

Hes 23, not 13! Hes an adult, if you keep treating him like a baby hes behaving like he will always behave like that. He can get a taxi, its a minor op not an aumptuation!

onetrickrockingpony · 27/10/2025 08:52

He is a grown man. So much babying of grown adult children on this website.

shellyleppard · 27/10/2025 08:53

Your son is 23 ....more than capable enough to organise transport to the hospital. Tell him to grow up and go enjoy yourself!!