To not want to cancel?

[Barsketcase]

I’m a single Mum to 2 adult DS in their 20s who live at home.
I don’t get to go out often, no holiday this year as money is tight despite me working, and I’ve been helping out my elderly DM most days. I’m exhausted!
My friend got us tickets for an evening west end show and we’ve booked a hotel, so we can have 2 days in London for ourselves.
My DS who’s 23, was booked for a minor op this week and this has now been delayed to the date I’m in London (day 2)
I told him he’d have to get a taxi to the hospital. His Dad is not involved and everyone else will be at work but he’s really upset that I’m not going to take him when he is going for an op. He’s accused me of putting myself before him, not caring, letting him go alone when he’s nervous.
Do I cancel the trip, let my friend down and lose the money? All tickets are non refundable, as is the hotel.

Jeez. My son (when he was 20) got himself to the hospital as I live 70 miles away. I did go get him after - he threw up three times on the way back to his house. Any way you can get him after? The before but is not a problem - he’s an adult! But after I can see how some TLC would be good.

Of course you cancel the trip, why is it even a question?!! How could you possibly even think of going off on a jolly while your child is having surgery and don't get me started on expecting him to get a taxi!! Simply unbelievable!!

OP says "a minor op". I wouldn't have my mum cancelling a much longed for trip because I needed a tooth extraction or a mole removed or an abscess drained. Young man needs to get a grip.

Is his sibling nearby? If so, he could take the day off work as carer’s leave to take his brother to/from operation.

When i was 25 I had symptoms of appendicitis. Drove myself to A&E to get checked out. I was right. Stayed in hospital 4 days waiting for the surgery and with the surgeons permission drove myself home. Your son needs to get a grip.

It was the day after I drove home btw

I don’t think OP should cancel her plans but it’s hardly odd for anyone to ask for emotional support in hospitals esp if they’re nervous, there is plenty of fully grown adults who get very nervous and anxious in medical settings. I am in hospitals regularly and majority of people I see in waiting rooms have someone with them. I’ve seen people older than OPs son have a parent with them.

I couldn’t give a fuck how old or what relation to me anyone I cared about was, if they need that support and I’m available, then I’m there.

Maybe it’s a sexism thing and some posters think because it’s a male and his mum then he should be mortified or embarrassed of himself.

Man up mate. End of. Big baby

I’d go on my trip. I’d be supportive and caring but explain as an adult there are lots of things he needs to he able to do, and of course id be there if I didn’t have these plans, but honestly being able to take a couple of days away is a huge deal to a single mum, and the equivalent would really be if he’d booked a month traveling in South America and I’d asked him to move his flights becuase I had a migraine/sprained ankle. That I’d check in after and I’d be there at home for most of the recovery, but I needed this.

So in fact, you're not a "single mum", you're an independent adult with 2 independent adult children.

She is a single mum, has been for many years. Do you have a point? If you do, is there a kinder way to make it?

How do single people with no support manage to have operations if someone needs to be there to take them home? Do people with no adult support just not have operations?

My friend who I went with last year while she had a minor op wouldn’t have been able to have hers until there was a bed for her to be admitted or she found someone who could keep an eye on her after.

One of my husbands uncles was admitted but bed shortages meant it was delayed a few times.

Both had been knocked out for their ops and needed supervision after.

He may not be paid for carers leave, It's unpaid where I work and therefore lower earners tend not to take it.