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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to cancel?

89 replies

Barsketcase · 27/10/2025 08:04

I’m a single Mum to 2 adult DS in their 20s who live at home.
I don’t get to go out often, no holiday this year as money is tight despite me working, and I’ve been helping out my elderly DM most days. I’m exhausted!
My friend got us tickets for an evening west end show and we’ve booked a hotel, so we can have 2 days in London for ourselves.
My DS who’s 23, was booked for a minor op this week and this has now been delayed to the date I’m in London (day 2)
I told him he’d have to get a taxi to the hospital. His Dad is not involved and everyone else will be at work but he’s really upset that I’m not going to take him when he is going for an op. He’s accused me of putting myself before him, not caring, letting him go alone when he’s nervous.
Do I cancel the trip, let my friend down and lose the money? All tickets are non refundable, as is the hotel.

OP posts:
onetrickrockingpony · 27/10/2025 08:56

Also, frankly why are you describing yourself as a single parent to two adult children? They don’t need parenting, they are adults. Presumably you’re so exhausted because you do all their laundry and cooking and cleaning. 🥱🙄

Menocandoone · 27/10/2025 08:56

At 23 I’d been living away from home for more than 5 years, I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my mother to drive me for an operation. He’s not a child and you sound worn out. Go and enjoy yourself.

Cynic17 · 27/10/2025 08:56

Does he not have friends? If he wants company, I'm sure he can find someone to go with him.
When I was in my 20s I would have been embarrassed to have asked a parent to do this with me. He's an adult, he needs to cut the apron strings. OP, you deserve this break, and your son will be perfectly fine without you.

Redpeach · 27/10/2025 08:57

Time to cut the apron strings

romdowa · 27/10/2025 08:59

Usually after an operation you have to be collected by someone and brought home. Your dc won't be allowed to go home by taxi and if they dont have someone to collect them then the operation won't go ahead

vivainsomnia · 27/10/2025 09:03

I agree totally depends on the operation. Depends whether I thought he was acting like a child or genuinely very anxious too.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/10/2025 09:05

I wouldn’t cancel because there’s every chance the operation might be rescheduled again if it’s minor and something more urgent comes up. I can understand him being nervous and wanting company but if you were working or lived elsewhere you’d equally not be available. It’s not selfish to put yourself first occasionally.

chattychatchatty · 27/10/2025 09:07

Agree that you should absolutely go to London and enjoy your time away as booked. DS should move the op to a date you can be around; it’s not your fault it was moved and if it’s minor, hopefully they can reschedule soon. I do understand him wanting you there and this seems like a logical compromise.

Safxxx · 27/10/2025 09:11

As mother's we always put our kids first and neglect ourselves... You sound like an amazing mother and daughter and being very present for all. Time to have some quality time with your friend you need a break, remember you booked it when he wasn't scheduled for the hospital so it's not your fault it's rescheduled. Maybe give the hospital a ring and tell them that the change of date is inconvenient and he will have nobody to drop/pick him up etc hopefully they can find the next available date for him.
You shouldn't change your plans ❤️

itsmeits · 27/10/2025 09:11

As an adult he find support from a friend or his sibling.
As an adult he rings the hospital and tells them the new dates don't work for him.
As an adult he takes charge not spit his dummy out and call his mum selfish.

Snoken · 27/10/2025 09:16

It's time for him to gain some independence. At 23 I hadn't lived at home for 7 years and I had alread done 2 abroad moves. No way would I expect my mum to come with me for a minor op. Would he cancel a trip that he had already paid for to take you to the hospital for a minor op? Most likely not.

PastaAllaNorma · 27/10/2025 09:16

Go to the theatre!

You're allowed some fun, you know. It doesn't have to b endless sacrifice.

VictoriaEra · 27/10/2025 09:24

I would definitely go with my son. Can you not come home early if it's two nights.

Wreckinball · 27/10/2025 09:27

No matter what age, if my DC were nervous of a hospital procedure and wanted me there, I’d be there. As it’s not urgent ask him to postpone it and you go on your trip

DaisyChain505 · 27/10/2025 09:29

On another note, you say money is tight. I hope both of your adult children are paying keep to still be living at home.

hattie43 · 27/10/2025 09:34

He is an adult and needs to realise that . It’s one occasion that has clashed with your plans and he shouldn’t guilt trip you .

Soozikinzii · 27/10/2025 09:38

Good grief he can get an uber you'll be back for his recovery its only 2 days ! Other son can visit meantime and you've got whatapp etc to keep in contact . Obviously you wouldn't have booked it knowingly but you didn't. It might be moved again anyway !

Shinyandnew1 · 27/10/2025 09:42

I'm almost certain that you should continue with your night out as planned, but what is the op? Are you going to dripfeed that it's an operation that will leave him temporarily blind for 24 hours and they won't let him out without a next of kin or something to lead him to the house? Even then, I'd probably ask if the op could be moved again!

JLou08 · 27/10/2025 09:44

You're allowed to put yourself first when they are in their 20s. Go and enjoy the show. Could his brother support him?

CopperWhite · 27/10/2025 09:45

I wouldn’t go if it meant my son would be alone and nervous about having an operation. It’s probably about more than transport to him.

Ineffable23 · 27/10/2025 09:45

I have taken my Mum to a minor OP and waited for her and she was in her 40s. So I don't think this is an agent thing tbh. But, if I had had plans I couldn't cancel, like you do, she would have found someone else. I don't think he is unreasonable to ask and I dont think you are unreasonable to say no.

waitamo · 27/10/2025 09:45

During covid, I got an Uber to hospital for a cardiac procedure. I was kept in overnight and Uber home. Once the anaesthesia had worn off and I was checked out post op, I was good to go, no one home (Single no kids), and none allowed to be during the pandemic either.

I was absolutely fine.

ScrewyouJonathon · 27/10/2025 09:50

For me it would depend on the procedure and recovery. I have DC the same age and would want to be with them but if it was just a mole removal then I am sure they could manage. A general anaesthetic I would want to be with them.

MaidOfSteel · 27/10/2025 09:55

DaisyChain505 · 27/10/2025 09:29

On another note, you say money is tight. I hope both of your adult children are paying keep to still be living at home.

And doing their full shares of cooking, housework, laundry etc. Were not trying to go off the topic, but you do have a lot on your plate, say you’re exhausted and shouldn’t be running around after two grown men.

Go away for your lovely weekend, and enjoy the show! You deserve it.

SriouslyWhutNow · 27/10/2025 09:57

If he’s having a GA or sedative he’s unlikely to be allowed home in a taxi. And I bet all those saying cut the apron strings will be posting on here in ten years mortally upset/offended that their adult children won’t spare an hour to pick them up from the hospital after a minor op and everyone will respond “YANBU my kid would come in a limousine…” In my book it’s a dick move with future repercussions but you do you.