For admonishing DM - diabetes and having cake as a meal

[StationHouse89]

DM has been diabetic for last few years. Terrible diet. Very little exercise. On metformin. Doing things together over the weekend her meals would often consist of a massive piece of cake, hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows etc etc. I got frustrated with it and pointed out how terrible for her condition this is - to me it seems pointless to me to be taking medication then doing this to yourself. She seems quite put out. AIBU?

It's her life and she can make her own choices.

It amazes me the number of people who don't take diabetes seriously.

Given the health repercussions of not controlling the condition behaviour like your DM's is absolutely ridiculous.

How was she managing to get a giant slice of gave for lunch? Didn’t you go somewhere for actual lunch if you were hanging out for the weekend?

I’d be speaking to her too, because when she starts getting toes, then feet, then legs amputated, she’ll be expecting you to help her around.

Is she just treating herself more than usual because you are out for the weekend?

My nan was type 1 diabetic all her life. She ate unhealthy food regularly despite her daughter (a nurse) always telling her off for it, never exercised. She lived well into her 80s.

How did you express your opinion?

What’s your mother’s quality of life like? Finances, friendships, interests, hobbies, mental health etc.

For a lot of people, food is their crutch, their emotional support/comfort, their safety net that numbs their emotions. It’s also immensely chemically pleasurable.

People aren’t idiots, but quite frankly they think the cake will make them feel better than extending their life span, when quality of life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

A GP friend d was bemoaning this sort of thing the other day. I wonder how much money would be saved by the NHS and on PIP etc payments if people took some responsibility for their health and followed the instructions of their doctor.

No-one likes their poor eating habits pointed out to them.

How did you put it to her?

Nicely or not so nicely?

No point admonishing her, instead you could help find healthier or diabetic friendly versions of the food she likes.
Diabetes is so insidious, especially type2 because you don't really experience the worst symptoms until it's too late and need medication and I think it's actually quite difficult to change your lifelong eating habits even knowing what can happen.
You may as well learn the recipes because you are at a higher risk of developing it too.

You are quite right to point this out.
FIL was diabetic and refused to stop cake or sugar in tea, not too many years later he developed Alzheimers (the risk is hugely raised by uncontrolled sugars) which he eventually died of.
My aunt is also diabetic and has regularly broken eating advice, her health is now very badly affected. She has had heart attacks, ongoing pain and numerous hospital admissions all caused by the diabetes.
Maybe when she calms down you can have a serious chat about your concerns for her going forward

I think a lot depends on how you approached the topic. I’m Tupe 2 and don’t always make good choices as I am human and sometimes go with what brings me pleasure. I am also a grown up and recognise that my choices may have consequences. I don’t think I’d be very happy if my friends or family berated me for my decisions.

Instead of berating her, it might help if you adopted a healthy diabetic diet yourself, in solidarity with your mum. See how long you can keep it up. Can you manage a week? A month? A year? Twenty years? Give it a go, you might learn something!

The OP doesn't need to 'point it out' because her mum is a grown woman and she already knows it's bad for her health.

It's like telling a fat person they should change their diet and exercise more.

However, the OP could gently point out how worried it makes her.

But still, her mum may not want to hear it.

She has some medical training, but seems to take little interest in the topic. I mean, everyone knows that’s not a good meal. But I’m not certain how much she understands exactly what this is doing to her insulin and the knock on effects. I’m worried and upset and also cross. She’s already had some serious health scares in her life, seems to never learn or put two and two together.

@Bobiverse we were out for lunch. That is what she chose to have. And listening to her it seems like this is not out of the norm. This is why I’m not sure on the level of her understanding, she seems to say ‘we just had a piece of cake’ if they went somewhere and I ask what they had to eat, as if it’s a good thing. Maybe she thinks just not eating a lot = weight loss = good for diabetes.

Its one thing if you genuinely think she doesn't understand her condition and you were genuinely trying to enlighten her.

Its another thing entirely if you're just frustrated and taking it out on her. If she already knows the risks, nagging her isn't going to help change her behaviour (that doesn't mean what she's doiing is OK for her health, of course it isnt).

The three diabetics i know all seem to behave as though the metformin is a miracle pill that allows them to continue as they always did.

One eats a packet of biscuits for dinner. Another eats chips and curry sauce.

It’s like they don’t take it seriously. All are still overweight.

One doesnt have a clue about what to eat, despite the internet and a plethora of books she has picked up second hand. And also what Ive told her from my relative who also has type 2.

All have had health implications such as permanent damage to the eyes or feet. Yet they do not change their ways. It’s like smokers. They are addicted to the thing that’s killing them. They just don’t want to stop.

Their attitude baffles me. I’d be terrified.

So youre not being unreasonable to point out that they aren’t doing themselves any favours. But then you have to step back and let them live their life. If they don’t want to change that’s their problem not yours. You can’t make them change.

It’s hard to step back and do nothing. But you have to.

It’s really frustrating when you know your loved ones are harming themselves and you’ll be the one picking up the pieces when they get sick

Does she properly understand how different foods effect her sugar levels and is she testing regularly? I ask because when I was diagnosed last year, it was wearing a CGM for a couple of weeks that really helped me to see the effect of food. I could see on the graph the rise in my sugar levels and trace it back to exactly what food had caused it.

i was making initial choices that I thought were ok that really weren’t, for example I picked a jacket potato and salad instead of a sandwich, awful choice my sugar level went up to 23 n/mol and stayed way outside of normal range (below 10) for hours and hours, porridge had a similar effect, as did fat free muller light yoghurt. She may be thinking that because the overall calories in a slice of cake is much the same as a full plate of food that it’s ok.

Ive learnt that there are very very few carbs my body can tolerate, and even then only in tiny quantities. If I want to stay in range and not have to take massive doses of insulin then I need to cut carbs down to the very low range and only have them as occasional treats.

If she is just having a treat what's the issue? But, if she's eating it every day it will shorten her life and I understand why you are concerned.

My mum is diabetic, in fact nearly everyone on that side of the family seems to develop it with obesity. Have you introduced your mum to diabetic cakes/jams etc? It's difficult when you go out as cafes/restaurants do not cater for diabetes. But, there are treats available that will be better for her. Just let her know you are concerned, that's all you can do.

It’s not your place to admonish your mother. She’s an adult.

@InfoSecInTheCity do you know if you can get a CGM / a subscription to Lingo or similar on the NHS if you are diagnosed? Maybe encouraging her to do this would help her to see what she is doing to herself

I think you can admonish your mum up to a point,then you have to accept that her diet is her choice and just let her get on with shortening her life herself.

Make sure you understand what’s good for her blood glucose levels before telling her to eat better. A sandwich is not really any better than a slice of cake, for example.

I did get 1 freestyle Libre as part of my initial diagnoses pack but after that had to buy my own as they are typically only prescribed for T1 or where poorly controlled diabetes has been diagnosed and the diabetes team are in support of it.

However you can buy the sensors for about £50 on Amazon or direct through the Abbot website. Each sensor lasts 2 weeks, the app is free to download and use and there is an accompanying app that family and healthcare providers can download which can be linked so they get a report and notifications if sugar is going high or low for extended periods. The virtual diabetes team in my Trust used this so they could live monitor everyone on their service and do day by day checks and immediate medication changes which was fanastic.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Abbott-Freestyle-Diabetes-Monitoring-Worldwide/dp/B0FCW8V683/ref=sr_1_8?crid=1EHY5GV6WCZW6&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.YPsaRJYGvmn9AB6rSYThkxKwEUihfnLQ1RZ__PAkcOK7qmwR3R4iLH5MbwtLicGSmgKdyMERoKKVi-zYJhcx5cOWPYa7YfL3yBBfpTpTQZJ5rmikAhS7I-11Q7h081ngbMZr64qnRQUJJTc-az5goQ_Svhd4siMJcw0SljCWjXHCnJYIYNeT3ajcgmmA-YxWx3LPjaZdMcJk_v-GcTBPt1fDFbBxDB6_7aWigdjlyRdvaCpV29yEmHloo6Msc6BA-w_tOayz52xOlqxaOsy2rddze0_ub7s5YrzTbeBM9KM.6APmKBGqpdxyTXfTcfrIM6SS6ZpFrtQfwEXDlLbvqP0&dib_tag=se&keywords=freestyle+libre+2+plus+sensor&qid=1761518100&sprefix=Freestyle+libre%2Caps%2C135&sr=8-8

This too.

Ive found it’s more the combination of food that matters. Just eating a slice of toast = crap sugar readings. A slice of bread with something high fat and high protein on it and my levels stay much more stable, add a 20 min walk after the bread and my levels stay in range. It’s actually quite complicated figuring out exactly what you should and shouldn’t eat, in what combination and how often in order to be ‘safe’.