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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Concerned about child's father parenting

109 replies

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 11:41

So when my child's father has DC he will give DC unsuitable drinks from bottles which are full of sugar and sweeteners.
I'm talking about Innocent Smoothies, milkshakes etc.

Food wise he will give DC crisps and other rubbish.

I provide DC with healthy and nutritious meals which he loves.
DC eats a minimum of 5 fruit/veg a day and I follow the basic guidelines for his meals.

I am concerned that the junk he eats/ drinks with his father will start to affect what he eats and drinks when he is with me.

My ex can't cook as it's a "woman's job and women should cook for him".

I have told him that unless he can stop this and learn how to cook DC will not be having over nights with him and I will happily tell the court the reasons why.

AIBU to feel this way or am I being too strict?

OP posts:

JHound · 27/10/2025 10:44

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/10/2025 09:47

Such a tired trope. Presumably she was impregnated under the impression they’d be doing this as a team under one household, plenty of couples have a chef and a useless cook and divide jobs a accordingly, one cooks, one washes up etc. she didn’t see this coming.

Show quote history

It’s not a tired trope. It’s true and it’s only women who express a similar lack of accountability who get annoyed at this being pointed out.

OP is not even trying to claim he changed. She has stated quite clearly his beliefs on cooking, his sexism and his inability to look after himself were known aspects of his character.

If a woman chooses to have a child with a man like that hoping / expecting he will change to meet her standards then she’s a fool.

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. The first time.

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 10:49

JHound · 27/10/2025 10:44

It’s not a tired trope. It’s true and it’s only women who express a similar lack of accountability who get annoyed at this being pointed out.

OP is not even trying to claim he changed. She has stated quite clearly his beliefs on cooking, his sexism and his inability to look after himself were known aspects of his character.

If a woman chooses to have a child with a man like that hoping / expecting he will change to meet her standards then she’s a fool.

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. The first time.

Edited

Show quote history

Apparently we’re not allowed to point that out these days 🫣

JHound · 27/10/2025 11:20

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 10:49

Apparently we’re not allowed to point that out these days 🫣

Show quote history

Yep apparently that’s “ViCtiM bLAmiNG”.

I do feel sorry for OP. She can continue to try to talk to him but this is who he is.

Starlight1984 · 27/10/2025 11:25

fooddiee · 26/10/2025 23:59

There is no set schedule as he refuses to commit to one unfortunately.
There is never a set day or time, it is whenever he feels like it.

In reply to PP question, the food that is offered when they are out is either Quavers, Nachos, or biscuits.
My ex dosent cook and lives of takeaways.

Ex has never taken him to his flat as it's not childproofed (his choice).

I have attempted to establish a more structured routine in relation to the visits but he dosent seem to want to commit to days/ specific times.

I don't know why he would be offering your child meals if he never has him in his home?! If he literally has your child a few hours on a weekend and it's out at the park / soft play then what does it matter if he just feeds him a packet of crisps and a milkshake / smoothie?!

You're feeding him healthily 99% of the time so I can't really see how this is something to get worked up about.

Also not entirely sure why your ex is in your house so often...

MnFulloBintz · 27/10/2025 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jannier · 27/10/2025 15:18

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 27/10/2025 10:12

As someone who had to take a lovely 5yr old to have surgery to remove 7 teeth, you are NOT overreacting.
A little bit of shit on the odd occasion is ok but not regularly

It's not regular on 2 hours a week

MumChp · 27/10/2025 15:23

In no time your child's father will go to court every time he is concerned about your parenting.

Leave it.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/10/2025 09:22

It’s really interesting there is a thread on here called ‘getting over resentment with DH ‘ one year old ds’

its quite similar, but no one is berating the mother here and telling her she should have known better , everyone is telling her how great she is. I wonder if it’s because she hasn’t been left or left him yet or because they’re married and Mumsnet approves of her more?!

thisishowloween · 28/10/2025 10:50

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/10/2025 09:22

It’s really interesting there is a thread on here called ‘getting over resentment with DH ‘ one year old ds’

Or maybe it’s just different posters responding to different threads.

I’ve read plenty of threads from married OP’s who are asked why they had a baby with someone they knew was messy, or disorganised or lazy.

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