To tell SIL I know what she said to ds?

104 replies

Nat6999 · 25/10/2025 23:31

Sil & I have never really got on, it started on the day I got married when she kicked off accusing me of ignoring her when we were doing the receiving line going into the reception, I honestly didn't know what planet I was on by that stage, meeting lots of my husband's family & friends I had never met before & didn't intentionally miss her out. Over the years there have been many sly digs & comments which I have ignored for the sake of my brother & parents. My mum has been seriously ill in hospital, a month ago she was fit, well & independent until a uti has left her unable to walk well & with delirium which the hospital say will pass with time. She is due to be discharged in the next few days but needs some adaptions to help her around the house which my brother & sil are sorting for her. I have been staying with my mum before she was admitted to hospital & have stayed to look after the house. My brother & sil have been down the last couple of days installing the adaptions & moving furniture around to make the house safe for my mum & her zimmer frame, today my brother was outside installing some of the stuff & my sil decided to start moving around everything in the kitchen, I asked her to not move all the things that we regularly use as they are in a convenient place for mum to not have to bend or reach to get them, sil flipped & told me that she didn't like me & knew that I didn't like her, as soon as my mum has gone her & my brother no longer wished to have any contact with me or ds. I was quite upset by this as I love my brother dearly, but didn't argue, they left soon afterwards. When they had gone ds rang me & I was in tears telling him what had happened, he went very quiet & then told me while he had been sat in A & E with my mum, sil had told him that when he was young she had fully expected to have to bring him up as we weren't really fit to be parents. I know she had been deeply jealous when I got pregnant as unknown to us at the time her & my brother were dealing with infertility, there was no reason though that me & exh were in any way unfit to be parents, if anything we worked twice as hard at it as exh had been diagnosed with MS a month before ds was born. What she said has deeply upset ds, I can't keep quiet about this, I feel I need to confront her about what she said, I won't have anyone upsetting my ds in such a cruel way.

OP posts:

JSMill · 23/11/2025 23:10

Ocelotfeet27 · 23/11/2025 22:02

Oh OP I'm so sorry. Do you think they are angling for an inheritance and that's what this behaviour is about? I hope not but have heard about it so many times from friends and wider family that I think it must be a more widespread behaviour than we'd like to think. Perhaps they think they can persuade DM to cut your family out of the will. Go no contact with them if you like but don't let them take over all care - people that will behave like this cannot be trusted. I'm sorry to say that about your brother but his behaviour is troubling.

This is what I thought when I read the Op’s first post. My dm had a similar experience with her db when my dgm got sick.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 23/11/2025 23:16

Anyahyacinth · 23/11/2025 22:31

It definitely wouldn’t be untrue to tell the sw that you have safeguarding concerns about your DB and SIL, they don’t sound fit to care for a vulnerable person

Another who agrees with this.

Also think they want money from inheritance

Do not let them push you out or set up in her home so you feel unwelcome. Go 50 /50 or more with the care.

Stay involved and engaged with SS and spend time with your mother while you can (even if you end up with some weird "shared custody" type rota) .

nosleepforme · 25/11/2025 12:06

Omg that behaviour is absolutely unacceptable! I understand that it’s not appropriate for your son to be involved in her care to the point of arranging things with a social worker, that might’ve overstepped the boundary, maybe not (different for different fams), but if db had a problem with it he could have politely contacted you and told you. I dunno that I’d want db looking after mum

EsmeSusanOgg · 25/11/2025 12:12

Nat6999 · 23/11/2025 21:51

UPDATE
Ds went to the hospital yesterday as his dad is in after a major accident & popped up to see my mum, my brother turned up about 10 minutes after ds got there. Ds mentioned to him that he had spoken to my mum's social worker about getting her a referral to the Community Dental Service as somewhere between home & the hospital her false teeth had gone missing, my brother practically dragged him off the ward & proceeded to scream in his face that mum's care is nothing to do with him & to keep his nose out. Ds rang me in tears, I had to text his parter who was sat with his dad to meet him to calm him down & give him a cuddle. Ds no longer feels he can visit his Nan any more, she is likely to be coming home soon once a care package is set up & reading through the lines my brother & sil will be spending a lot of time at mum's, ds is very close to his nan, he's always treated her house as home, we both lived there for 6 months when I split from his dad & when my dad died he moved in with her so she wouldn't be on her own, he is devastated. It's got to the stage now that I'm going to go no contact with my brother & sil, I'm fed up of the way they have treated both of us, social services are trying to force us to work together but it's impossible.

Not to be a cynic, but do you think they are trying to alienate you and your DS from your mum ahead of her passing - in order to tinker with wills?

I would blow up their marriage now TBH. Given their behaviour.

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