Husband denying crush on woman at gym despite messages

[Vickiii88]

First of all I know people will probably disprove of me looking at someone else’s phone but I felt I had no choice because any time I’ve tried talking to my Husband about this he has dismissed me and shut me down as being ridiculous.

I’ve had suspicions he has grown close to someone at his gym for a while. It’s a national chain, quite cliquey with lots of classes etc and regular socials.

I’ve been suspicious because 1. I’ve seen this woman’s name flash up on his phone on several
occasions and he has been vague when I’ve asked about her, 2. A friend who goes to the gym attended the same class as them once and said they were very tactile and 3. He has been increasingly dismissive of me to the point of rudeness/snapping.

The messages go back months, this is one of the early ones:

‘Friend’ (F) and Husband (H)

F: Why haven’t you been on any of our nights out yet, they are not always at gym name you know? Next Friday is at X
H: Is that an invite then?
F: You know you are always invited
H: Will be odd seeing you not in your gym gear 😂
F: I can scrub up well you know
H: I don’t doubt that
F: Bit cold at the moment to be all dressed up, I need my layers 😂
H: Just wear your usual leggings then 👀
F: Oh yeah
H: Probably be a bit chilly in your sports bra mind
F: Yeah true

Another as recent as two weeks ago, which he instigated:

H: Do you feel like the classes have been a bit off recently, instructor name seems so abrupt
F: I was literally saying this earlier
H: Might start going to the later class where it’s a different instructor
F: What, and miss seeing me? 😂
H: You’ll join me, you know it’s not the same without me
F: Yeah when you were on holiday I did miss our chats after
H: Feel like all the extra classes are paying off and I am feeling fitter
F: yeah you are
H: Not quite at your level yet though 😂
H: I don’t think I’d squeeze in to some of your outfits
F: Oi 😂 sure I could find something you could squeeze into
H: As long as there’s no photos for evidence 😂

I told H I had seen these and he said they are completely innocent and clearly two friends having a joke, and that I’m paranoid/suspicious for no reason.

My mind is going mad, would you be annoyed if your H had sent these?

Sending flirty messages to a woman at his gym would be such a big turn off for me I’d have to end it. I couldn’t hang out with (let alone be married to) a walking cliche. Grim.

Agree! The amount of people who don’t realise she’s talking about her fanny is astonishing!!

That's it
Had he said 'I'd like to see that' I'd get it but seriously?
If OP thinks he's straying she also needs to look at her own behaviour.
When women leave their husbands were always told on here that its not her fault and he's done something that made her do it.
Maybe this us the same.
Or maybe mumsnet is just weird.

Don’t get caught up in whether you are right or he is.

Basically, he (the one that promised to love, cherish, protect blah blah blah you) is doing something that he really doesn’t need to and it is hurting you and making you insecure. Despite knowing that he won’t stop doing it.

That’s all you really need to know isn’t it? He wants to continue doing something that hurts you even though really swapping gyms and cutting her off really isn’t a massive big deal for him. I think your marriage is over if he won’t stop doing something when you ask him to. If I were you, I would file for divorce. I hope he has a lot more money than you and that you do well from the divorce. I hope he has to pay child support. I wonder if he’ll seem so attractive to her as a divorcee with big child
maintenance payments? Oh and children he has to make time for (no doubt he goes to the gym whenever he wants at the moment - at your expense / labour) let’s see him do that when he has to clean up his own house and cook for himself etc. I bet he’s a bit more tired then, too tired to text bullshit about fitting into her tight things 🤮

So would I tbh. What is the point staying with someone that’s thinking of someone else while they’re with you? It’s just not worth it in my eyes. You might as well be alone, the irony is she’ll be doing everything at home so he can go to the gym! All for him to be flirting with someone who doesn’t NOTHING for him. Grim.

Join the gym, make it uncomfortable for them. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

As PP have said, it's the constant references to their bodies and being in and out of clothes that make this cross a boundary for me.
Discussing a group night out - fine
Discussing a bad instructor - fine
Discussing that she'll wear and her gym bra - nope!
Discussing him wearing her clothes - nope!