I’m unable to “sleep when baby sleeps” - is this some kind of sick joke?

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Exactly as the post title says. I’m a first-time mum and yes, I expected to be tired, have baby waking me up etc, but what I didn’t foresee was that I would be unable to get back to sleep every time baby wakes.

An example of last night:

I went to bed approx 10:20pm, baby went to sleep 9:20pm. Baby then woke 11:50pm exactly. After seeing if he would self-soothe it was clear he wouldn’t, so I fed him and he went back to sleep at 12:15am but I could NOT get back to sleep. I lay awake crying as the worry of me not getting to sleep was getting to me. He then woke 4am for another feed and at this point my body is in agony due to no sleep and he starts becoming active at this time in the morning or unsettled. I fed him, he then went back to sleep until approx 7:45am. I then had to be somewhere for 9:30am and I got there and broke down in tears.

My body is in PAIN when I wake up, my digestive system has started playing up and I get tummy aches and headaches. I’ve never had these issues until this sleeping situation started.

My baby is six months old and eats lots, so I worry sleep training is off the table because he genuinely seems hungry. I don’t even think waking once-twice at night at six months is bad anyway, it’s not his fault.

I speak to some mums (friends) who look at me in a way as if to say “stop moaning” and it pisses me off because baby waking at night is NOT the same as baby waking at night then you CANNOT get back to sleep.

I am back at work and my job is very flexible, so I’m finding myself going back to bed when he goes to nursery and wasting half the day because some mornings I feel like I’m going to DIE my body is in that much pain from no sleep. Last night I had two hours sleep????

My baby is a good sleeper really, when he’s asleep he’s very deep and falls off very easily. But his noises when he’s unsettled etc wake me up then I just can’t sleep. Even if he’s in his own room too, he is still going to wake for a feed so this isn’t a solution.

DH doesn’t want to sleep train until he’s 1, and DH does some of the nights and as I didn’t feel he was being supportive I decided to increase work hours so that he also shares more nights as when I was off it didn’t seem reasonable to share nights but at least this way I can catchup on some sleep in the mornings.

I cannot cope, I cannot. This is breaking me. Any advice appreciated

@hellowhaaat3632i could work less yes, but that would mean I would feel bad still putting baby in nursery those days and if he isn’t in nursery I have zero chance to rest.

Or do you mean work less and still have baby in childcare? In which case I’ve considered having one day a week off for this, at least now I have a diagnosis until I am feeling better. I’d feel guilty doing anymore than This

OP, it's worth learning yoga nidra. That's a combination of breathwork, muscle relaxation and mind relaxation, all done lying flat. It is the next best thing to sleep. If you learn it then immediately start doing it once the baby is down, leaving out the bit where you tell yourself not to fall asleep, then you won't get panicked and stressed by your insomnia. It is very relaxing and can help you fall asleep.

I’m a great sleeper, I’m asleep within minutes of going to bed. However, when my girls were young, I really struggled to get back to sleep when they’d woken me up. I think I was subconsciously waiting for them to wake me again and I just couldn’t drift off. My oldest would have a long nap mix-morning and no matter how tired I was I just couldn’t sleep.

DH and I spent our weekends alternating sleeping until things got better. One unexpected bonus of this was that we saved so much money as we didn’t go anywhere or do anything for months.

Oh my gosh I had this too, I couldn’t sleep when I had my new born and I was desperately tired! I actually was so worried I couldn’t sleep that it made it worse. The only resolve was when I went on holiday to warm sunlit country and too the baby with me. I actually had some sleep and I began to feel better. It was a mixture of depression, lack of sleep, anxiety, low vitamin d and probably other areas. All I can suggest is a mini break somewhere warm and sunny, supplements that will boost vitamin d and magnesium levels. It’s so hard!